Letters from Mystery Girl
by KenpoChick
Summary: In a weird turn, all the 6th years must write to penpals. James, Sirius and Remus have no clue what to expect when they're assigned three very different girls. Written entirely in letters, journals, notes, and such. Based on the Year of Secret Assignments
1. The First Letters

**This is just to say that I don't own any of these characters, they're all property of J.K. Rowling, and Scholastic, Bloomsbury, and Warner Brothers. I also would like to say that this story and its style are heavily influenced by the Year of Secret Assignments, by Jaclyn Moriarty, which I don't own either. Enjoy!**

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Sixth Year Students

Dear Students,

This year, in an effort to create a closer school community, Professor Dumbledore has decided that you will be the first class to participate in the Hogwarts Penpal Program. Today, in your 2nd class, you will take a quiz of sorts to determine which student you will be paired with. Bring a quill, a book, and nothing else.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Professor Flitwick

_

* * *

__Prongs,_

____

_You showing up for this thing? I'm considering blowing it off, myself._

_-Padfoot_

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**Padfoot,**

**As much as I'd love to, McGonagall dropped the bomb on us today in Transfiguration. This bullshit's going to COUNT TOWARDS EXAMS. Besides, Flitwick says I have to clean up my record, anyway, else I'm getting suspended.**

**-Prongs**

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**

_You're going soft on me, Prongs. But, fine. I'll just get Remus to go with me._

_-Padfoot_

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_

**I'm just trying to keep the Ministry off my back, man. You might want to try it sometime.**

**You think REMUS is going to skip class when we're doing something that counts towards exams? What are you smoking?**

**-Prongs**

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**

_Prongs,_

_You suck, you know that? I thought we were always loyal to each other and all that. Could've sworn we took an oath. You all need to take some lessons in loyalty._

_-Padfoot_

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_**Padfoot,**

**Good to know. See you in Transfiguration.**

**-Prongs**

****

QUIZ: PART 1

Name:** James Potter**

House: **Gryffindor**

Instructions: Answer the following questions. Be honest; these will determine your pen pal.

1) Are your parents married or divorced?  
**Married. Why do you need to know?**

2) Are you a vegetarian?  
**Bring on the steak!**

3) Do you believe in Heaven?  
**Maybe...are you trying to convert me?**

4) Have you ever come close to dying?  
**The Hospital Wing is practically my second home. **

5) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?  
**What kind of question is that? **

6) Ever have any surgery? If so, what?  
**Yes. I once performed my own heart surgery. It was very heroic. They gave me a medal.**

7) Do you color your hair?  
**Why does everyone ask that? No.**

8) What do you wear to bed?  
**Plaid boxers.**

9) Have you ever done anything illegal?  
**Are you submitting this to the Ministry? If you are, the answer is no, how dare you ask such a thing**.

10) Can you roll your tongue?  
**Sure I can. Never tried, but I'm taking a guess.**

11) What kind of shoes do you usually wear?  
**The black ones.**

13) What is your natural hair color (do you even remember?)  
**For the last time, this is natural! (That last part is deeply offensive. I should stop answering in protest.)**

14) Future child's name?  
**Not planning on having any, thanks. Too much screaming**.

15) Do you snore?  
**How am I supposed to know? Sirius claims I do, but then again, Sirius is a liar.**

16) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

**A sunny place, where I'm surrounded by girls and large piles of Galleons.**

17) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?  
**Yes, piles of them. I also have a collection of Cabbage Patch dolls.**

18) Hamburger or hot dog?  
**Neither, bring me a steak.**

19) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?  
**I just told you. Pay a bit more attention.**

20) City, beach or country?  
**Beach.**

21) What was the last thing you touched?  
**My quill, duh. You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?**

22) Ever been involved with the police?  
**More times than I can count.**

23) Do you talk in your sleep?

**I'll set up a recorder and find out.**

24) Ocean or pool?  
**Depends...which one has the girls again?**

25) Window seat or aisle?  
**Window seat.**

26) Ever met anyone famous?  
**Yes, we all have. Dumbledore's our headmaster, you know.**

27) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?  
**Yes, yes I do.**

28) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?  
**Neither. I don't eat spaghetti.**

29) Cake or ice cream?  
**Cake. Especially the kind that explodes. (Long story)**

30) Are you self-conscious?  
**Does it sound like it to you?**

31) Have you ever drunk so much you threw up?  
**The Quidditch after-party was one hell of a time, that's all I'm gonna say.**

32) Have you ever given money to a beggar?  
**Never encountered one. If I did, I'd give him a burger instead.**

33) Have you been in love?  
**No**.

34) Where do you wish you were?  
**Not here.**

35) Do you wear socks with your shoes?  
**Most of the time.**

36) Last gift you received?  
**A crumpled empty container of Bertie Botts from Peter.**

37) Last sport you played?  
**Quidditch.**

38) Things you spend a lot of money on?  
**Firewhiskey**.

39) Most hated food(s)?  
**Carrots.**

40) What's your favorite food?  
**Didn't you already ask me that?**

41) Can you sing?  
**Like an angel.**

42) Favorite regular drink?  
**Coke. (It's better with Firewhiskey.)**

43) What are you looking for in a penpal?

**Somebody with a good sense of humor and a pulse**.

* * *

Dear Mr. Potter,

I'm pleased to inform you we've found you a penpal! You will not receive a name; to keep things interesting you may reveal your names to each other at your discretion. This way, there's a little intrigue, even if you know each other! However, we will give you a few basic facts:

Gender: Female

House: Gryffindor

Here are a few things you should include in your first letter:

-Family life

-Friends

-Hobbies

-Career goals

-Anything else you can think of

Remember, we will not read these letters, so you can write as honestly as you want.

Signed,

The Staff

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**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**May I just say I think Dumbledore's finally lost it this time? I don't even get to know your name, yet I'm expected to pour my soul out to you. Well, how's your day going? Spectacular? Dismal? Need a firewhiskey? Or a piece of chocolate? Girls love that stuff, in my experience.**

**So, now that we're done with the small talk, let's move on: family life. I'm an only child. It's nice, I'll admit it. No sharing or any of that shit. My friends are like my brothers anyway. On to my friends. Mentioning their names would be like mentioning mine, so I'll just say they're great people. Unfortunately, one of them got mono, and won't be back for 6 months. Sucks, right? But, the other two are fine, except for the brain damage.**

**My hobbies-getting detention, pissing off Filch, and telling stories. I'm good at telling stories. You want to hear the one about how I rode a centaur into a Quidditch match once? Good times. I got about 8 weeks of detention from that one. Do you like Quidditch? If you don't, don't bother writing back. You've already mortally offended me. That's my other hobby, flying, only it's more a lifestyle. Nothing better than the wind in your hair, and the look on your opponent's face when you score.**

**My career goal: Be an Auror. Kick some Death Eater ass. Join the family business. Simple as that.**

**As for the anything else part, I'll just ask you this: Do you want to tell me your name? Then, I'll tell you mine. It's been a pleasure talking to you.**

**Sincerely,**

**Mystery Boy**

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**

_Hello Whoever the Hell You Are,_

_My name is Sirius Black. What's Yours?_

_My family is full of a bunch of shit-for-brains pure-bloods. My friends are the greatest guys on Earth. You probably know them. I don't know what I'd do without em'. My hobbies are pulling pranks, riding my motorbike, and basically doing whatever looks fun. For instance, last week I played a game of Mugs. Yes, it was most likely a stupid idea. I won 15 games, then got smashed, lost, and spent the rest of the time trying to keep from hurling. But, was it fun? Yes. So, I'll do it again, as soon as I brew some Hang-Over Helping solution._

_I have no clue what I want to do after Hogwarts. I think I'd like to be a hit wizard, catching criminals and all that._

_Anything else? I have no clue why I'm writing this. I think it's a joke._

_Sincerely,_

_Sirius_

_PS-Just remembered, you're a Ravenclaw. Mind doing my homework?_

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_Hello Total Stranger,_

_Hey! What's up? I just found out we had to write these fifteen minutes ago, so I'm throwing something together. You're a Hufflepuff, right? All kind and stuff. Hope you'll forgive me if this is late._

_Family life- Good enough. My mum divorced my dad years ago, so I live with her in a house in the country. Dad comes by once in a while. I'm an only child, so it's a bit lonely, but I manage._

_Friends-Best guys ever. We've had some good times, us four, and we've seen more of this castle than anyone else, I guarantee it._

_Hobbies-Running, flying (but no Quidditch. Can't throw to save my life.), occasionally drawing. My specialty is maps, and people. I'm really good at drawing people._

_Career Goals-I honestly don't know. Maybe I'll be an Obliviator or something?_

_Sincerely,_

_R.L._

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Responses-Received September 15th

Dear Mystery Boy,

I'm not going to tell you my name, sorry. Not until I get past the sense that everything you're saying has an insult veiled behind it. Because that's how I feel. Either that, or you're just naturally a really big ham. I don't need a firewhiskey, thanks. I don't drink. Chocolate would be great, though. You know where I can get some Snickers bars? My day's fine, how's yours? Met up with any centaurs lately? (See, now we already have inside jokes. Isn't it great?)

You're lucky that you're an only child. My sister hates my guts. She brought home her boyfriend over the summer. He's roughly the size of a baby whale, and has the sense of humor of a brick wall. They're a perfect match. Their future child will most likely be some whale-horse hybrid. Maybe a walrus? My mum and dad are lovely people, if a little bit naive. They think my sister and I actually like each other. (Insert snort here)

Your friends have brain damage? Mine too! One of them is just as obsessed with Quidditch as you. Her name is Marlene. You ever heard of her? Anyway, sorry your mates are stark raving mad too. I think it's something in the water here. That's why I only drink pumpkin juice.

No offense, but you need some new hobbies. Getting detention really sounds like a sucky way to spend your time. Plus, pissing off Filch, while a noble pursuit, doesn't really accomplish anything. Isn't he always pissed off anyway? But, telling stories is nice. Tell me one sometime. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not really a Quidditch fan. I don't get the game at all. There are way too many balls.

I'd like to be an Auror, too. However, I'm not going to kick their asses. I'll settle for using a quick Killing Curse.

Here's my anything else: I'm not sure whether to laugh at you or report you to Dumbledore.

All my best (or at least some of it),

Mystery Girl

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**Sirius,**

**Zamira Knight. It's a pleasure to meet you.**

**So, why are your parents shit-for-brains? Unfortunately, mine don't have brains. My dad's a toaster. My mum's a Ming vase. I'm actually a robot. I have two older brothers, both dolphins. They perform at Sea-World in America. Have you ever been to Sea-World? Do you even know what it is?**

**My friends are all typical Ravenclaw know-it-alls, except for my best friend, Chloe. She's crazy. She throws whatever potion ingredients she has in a cauldron, stirs them up on high, and then calls it "Surprise Soup." Then, no matter what it looks like, she'll pull a vial out, and drink some of it. Unsurprisingly, she's been in the hospital wing 16 times. Bet YOU'VE never done that, Mr. I'm a Gryffindor and I buy Into house stereotypes. (I'm not doing your homework. Since you're a Gryffindor, would you mind jumping off a bridge for me? Thanks.)**

**Mu hobbies are reading, listening to records, drinking too much, and sneaking into the Hufflepuff common room. Those Badgers throw one hell of a party. I'm glad to hear you're familiar with Mugs. I hold the all****-****time record in Ravenclaw. Did you vomit? I'm taking a survey of the results of drinking games.**

**Career? I'm going to work for the Daily Prophet. Maybe I'll do a gossip column or something.**

**Anything else? I bet 5 sickles you didn't read a word of this, you bastard. I'll tack on an extra 5 that if you did, you only skimmed it. I'll give you 5 GALLEONS if you'll do the Surprise soup thing. Good luck!**

**Lots of love,**

**Zamira**

_**

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**_

Hello Stranger,

I'm not answering any of those questions they told us to. You know why? Because your whole spiel made me kind of sick.. What, are you like the first-ever angst-free teenager? Do you get into any trouble at all? You seem completely jazzed about life. It's kind of unnatural. So, I have a question for you; Are you some kind of alien? Or do you live in Fairyland? Or are you just living a really pathetic life?

-A.B.

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**So, did you like it? Have a suggestion? Even think it sucks? Review anyway! **

**Next chapter coming soon!**


	2. The Trophy Room Stunt

Because of the reviews and the fact that I'm feeling inspired, Chapter 2 comes early! A few of you have asked who AB is. That will be revealed in Chapter 5. Here's a hint, though: She was in OoTP.

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**

**So, did your penpals seem...normal?-JP**

_There are many words I'd use to describe that chick. Normal was not one of them. -SB_

Mine insulted me and asked if my life was pathetic.-RL

**Sorry 'bout that, Moony. Mine called me a ham, if that makes you feel any better.**

_Moony, just prove the bitch wrong. Prongs...she's not wrong there. _

**Hey! From my own friends. How insulting.**

_Mine called me a bastard._

Finally, someone had the guts...

**Who is this wonder? I want to congratulate her.**

_No, you really don't. I'm pretty sure she's a nutter. _

At least tell us her name.

_Not yet. Don't you boys have response letters to write anyway?_

**To Miss "I Don't Know if I Should Report You to Dumbledore or Laugh?" Please.**

Prongs, they still count towards marks.

**Shit. **

_Better get cracking, then._

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**Responses-Sent 9/22**

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**You're one odd bird, you know that? I stand by my offer for firewhiskey. I think you need some. No, I have no clue what a Snickers is. I thought about enclosing a Chocolate Frog instead, but I was too insulted by your comments. No, I wasn't insulting you, and I'm not a ham. I was just trying to write a nice letter. **

**Your family sounds pretty crappy. At least you can take pictures of your sister's walrus-baby and sell them to the tabloids, and your parents are nice, so they'll let you do it. I do know Marly, as a matter of fact. She's a nice girl, and one hell of a Beater. Tell her practice starts at 7 for the rest of the week for me. **

**You've never gotten detention? That's unacceptable. Enclosed, is a mission. Follow the directions, and there is a recipe for detention. If you don't want to do it, that's fine, but you aren't a very good Gryffindor. HOW CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND QUIDDITCH? It's the simplest game in the world. The Chasers throw the balls in the hoops, the Seeker catches the Snitch, the Keeper blocks the Quaffles, and the Beaters chuck Bludgers at everyone else.**

**Auror, huh? You know, maybe you aren't as nuts as I thought. Maybe.**

**Warily,**

**Mystery Boy**

**PS-I'm not telling you a story until you do your task. You will appreciate it more afterwards.**

**

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****Enclosed-Easy Way to Get Detention**

**-Get caught putting graffiti on the wall in the Trophy Room. To make sure I know it's you, put:**

**Mystery Girl Was Here**

**Reward: 5 points and the detention experience**

**

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**

_Zamira,_

_Enclosed is a smaller envelope for you to put the 5 sickles in. I did read the entire letter, top to bottom. Also enclosed is a record of my Hospital wing stay, and a picture of my soup. So, cough it up. I didn't go to all that trouble for nothing. It was quite an odd shade of blue._

_My parents are shit-for-brains because they are. Nothing else to say there. Must be nice having a toaster and a vase instead. But, I think you're lying about being a robot. I think you are really a wallaby. No, I've never been to SeaWorld, and I hadn't heard of it until now. Are you a Muggleborn?_

_You a Beatles fan? I have a few of their records. How many Mugs games have you won? I could play you sometime, give you a run for your money. By the way, I didn't vomit. I never said I vomited, I just said I tried not to. And, you're not really taking a survey, are you? You just wanted to make me feel stupid, and I'm sorry to say I never feel stupid. _

_So, because I injured myself for you, you want to do me a favor? Get a cloud of purple gas into room 407 at 1:05 on Thursday. _

_-Sirius_

_

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_Dear AB,

You're an insulting girl, you know that? No, I'm a normal guy. Forgive me for having a positive attitude. I enclosed parts of my detention records (name hexed off). Chew on that for a while.

-R.L. 

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_Responses-Sent 9/26_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_I hope you have seen the trophy room lately. No, I didn't get detention. I may be an odd bird, but I'm a clever one, too. So, tell me a story next letter. _

_Now, I realized something with your letter. We aren't going to get anywhere constantly feeling insulted by the other. So, you stop insulting me, I'll stop insulting you. A truce. Deal?_

_That's actually a pretty good idea, the walrus thing. I wonder what the Prophet would pay for that picture. I gave Marly your message. She said you were a dictator, but wouldn't tell me your name. Stupid, sadistic, friends. I still don't get Quidditch, by the way. Maybe you could elaborate a bit?_

_As for the nuts bit, right back at ya._

_About 3/5 of my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

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__**Sirius,**_

_**Enclosed is your five sickles and five Galleons. I must say, I'm impressed. The potion looked right nasty, but you drank it anyway. Now, that's guts. **_

_**I must say, in the interest of full disclosure, my parents aren't toasters and vases. My dad's a Wizengamot member, and my mum's...well she might as well be a vase. She's a socialite. Basically spends all her time with the other Ministry wives who don't have jobs. However, continue to refer to them as Toaster and Vase, as that is how I think of them. You are half correct in your calling of my bluff. I am actually an animal, but not a wallaby. Keep guessing. **_

_**No, I'm not a Muggleborn. I'm a Half-Blood who's taken Muggle Studies for a long time and has a Muggle grandmother. The reason I know about SeaWorld is because we lived in the States for a while. **_

_**Yes, I'm a huge Beatles fan. I own all their records. It's sad that they had to break up, they were very talented. Favorite song? I've always really liked Strawberry Fields Forever. I've won roughly 28 games of Mugs in a row. It's an all-time record. I'm working up to 36, which is the all-school record. Good for you, not vomiting. Yes, I was lying, but not to make you feel stupid. I just wanted to know. I'm brushing up on my sneaky reporter tactics. **_

_**Mission Log-**_

_**Operative- Zamira Knight**_

_**Other Known Aliases-Z, Zam, Kazam, Zita**_

_**Mission Report: Successful. Why did you need me to get you out of a ruddy History of Magic class, though?**_

_**As for never feeling stupid, don't worry, love. You will.**_

_**Lots of love,**_

_**Zamira**_

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RL-

Impressive. You aren't quite as lame as I thought. There's nothing wrong with having a positive attitude. I just needed to establish you weren't an android first. But, that letter oozed annoyance.

Keep it up,

AB

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_Hey, Prongs. Did you see the Trophy Room this morning? Filch is griping about how he can't get it off. Looks like we have a run for our money. -SB_

**Oh, that wasn't another prankster. I know exactly who it was. -JP**

_Who? Because whoever this mystery chick is, she deserves a medal. Writing it on every single trophy case and on the walls? They said it was even on the floor.-SB_

**I owe her one hell of a story, then. Crap, that's the bell. Later.**

_Where the hell are you going? Who is she?_

_Prongs?_

_

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**James's Letter-Sent 9/28**_

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**You are a goddess. Seriously. I mean, you didn't just graffiti one wall, you did EVERYTHING. Making it irremovable was a nice touch, too. Unfortunately, you did not get detention, which was the intent of the directions. Therefore, I'm enclosing another set of directions, and hopefully you will be able to appreciate the joys of detention after you've done it. But, I will acknowledge, you are a good prankster, for an amateur, and that you are obviously a deity.**

**I accept your truce. I admit, I may have been making fun of you a bit in my first letter, but that was before I knew you. You made fun of me too though, so it all evens out in the end.**

**Strangely enough, Marly knew who I was talking about when I asked about you, but wouldn't give me your name either, the little traitor. Maybe threatening her spot on the team would encourage her to talk.**

**Ok, we'll have gradual lessons on Quidditch, then. Start slow. First up, the Chaser. The Chasers are supreme to any other position (at least in my opinion), as they do most of the work. There are 3 per team. They pass around the reddish-brown ball, called the Quaffle. Every time they get it through the large hoops on their end of the field, they get 10 points. Got it?**

**So, here's your story, as a reward for the whole prank thing:**

**Once upon a time, four friends were very, very, bored. Then, one had the bright idea, that they should steal all the Fizzing Whizbees in Honeydukes. There really wasn't any reason for this, other than that the suggestor didn't like Fizzing Whizbees and they thought it would make an interesting statement. But, they said, because it was 1 AM, only one person should go. After drawing straws, the handsome leader was forced to go. **

**Filch and 8 Prefects were patrolling the corridors, and it was a very close call getting past them all, ducking, rolling, and doing all manner of gymnastics and using every ounce of cleverness he had left. He then made it to a room, one he'd never seen with a few tapestries and a statue. Filch had heard his movements throughout the castle, and was fast approaching. He swore and leaned against the statue, tapping it with his wand and waiting for the inevitable. **

**Then, a miracle occurred. The statue shifted, throwing the leaning boy down the tunnel, before turning right back into place. He ran down in the tunnel, unsure exactly why it was here or where it led. But, when he finally reached the end, he pushed up on it, and to his surprise, found himself RIGHT INSIDE HONEYDUKES. So, with that, he wasted no time grabbing the Fizzing Whizbees and running. The surprise at the outage the next day was palpable in Hogsmeade, and the boys congratulated him on his discovery. THE END.**

**Brill story, right? There are better ones, but those are classified. Have fun in detention!**

**Awed, **

**Mystery Boy**

**PS: If you want to be properly worshipped, would you mind telling me your name?**

**

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****Enclosed-Detention Assignment #2**

**-Loosen all the chandeliers around the castle. You are sure to get caught while doing this; the castle is a large place. So I know it was you and not Peeves, mark a small MG somewhere on each one. **

**Reward-10 pts. and a good name as a Gryffindor**

**

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**

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**Who is MYSTERY GIRL?**_

_**by Zamira Knight, Field Reporter**_

_**Hogwarts has a new prankster on the loose, on no one seems able to identify. The enigma herself, known only as Mystery Girl, has not come forward for her pranks, which include graffiting the entire Trophy Room, and painting all the chandeliers bright pink, and rigging them to fall whenever anyone comes within 5 feet (though never on the person who triggers them, a surprisingly kind act for a prankster). Argus Filch, Hogwarts caretaker says, "We will find this girl, and she will pay. The bullwhips will return soon, I'm sure..." This quote indicates that the staff may be just as in the dark as to who this is as everyone else. Head Boy Amos Diggory has said, "We'll do what we can. Increase Prefect rounds, the works. We're not about to let our school be trashed by some girl, no matter who she is. We'll find her."**_

_**Students, on the other hand, seem quite enthralled by Mystery Girl, "She's a bloody genius." Benjy Fenwick comments. Sirius Black adds, "She almost gives us a run for our money. ALMOST." Another boy, however, is more skeptical, "It's only been two pranks. She'll be last week's news the minute she's caught." **_

* * *

_Mystery Girl's Reply-Sent 9/30_

_Dear Mystery Boy, _

_You clearly underestimate me, for calling me a goddess. Loosening the chandeliers? Honestly? Child's play. However, since we're in a truce mode, I won't go any further with that line of thought. I will say thank you for the mission, even if it still didn't get me in detention. It's kind of fun, being the talk of the town, with no one knowing it's you. Is that how you felt after the Whizbee thing?_

_Marly is still being too damn stubborn for her own good. She did let this slip this morning, though: You apparently like to party. Does that mean you'll be at the after-party tonight? I might go for the sake of trying to figure out who you are. Honestly, Marly made you out to be rather intriguing._

_The Quidditch lesson was wonderful, thanks. How about next you tell me why throwing the Quaffle through the hoop only gets you 10 points, and catching a silly little gold ball gets you 150. Throwing it through a guarded hoop seems harder to me. Or tell me why the Keeper doesn't get a bat to bat away the Quaffle, yet Beaters do. In fact, it may take several letters to get through all my questions. _

_Your story was quite interesting. What year did it happen? I know it's not supposed to be about you, but if you happen to know where the dashing hero's secret passage is, would you mind bringing me back a few Sugar Quills. No rush, but you did say you'd reward me for the chandelier thing. Just one question: what did you do with all those Whizbees if you didn't like them?_

_Maybe next time you could tell me a story about detention? I have a feeling it might be a while before I get in._

_90% of my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_PS- No name yet. Why not make it a guessing game? More fun that way._

_

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_

_Sirius's Letter-Sent 9/30_

_Zamira,_

_Can't write for long, got to get to Ancient Runes. Nice article. You got any ideas on who it is? _

_Family sounds crappy, though not as bad as mine. Maybe I should start calling them stuff instead of swear words. But, that would take the fun out of it._

_What are the States like? I'm thinking I might move there someday, get a Harley. You know what those are, right?_

_My favorite Beatles song is probably Hard Day's Night. You like the Rolling Stones, too? 28's pretty impressive. But, not as impressive as 31! Don't feel bad; you're a girl and can't compete with me anyway. There's a party tonight after our first Quidditch game against Slytherin. You say you're good at sneaking into common rooms. Why not test your skills?_

_Here's your Second task, should you choose to accept it: Make it rain in room 265 Tomorrow. Thanks._

_-Sirius_

* * *

Students,

I'm sorry to say class is canceled today, due to a strange hex being cast on the room. The test will be rescheduled to October 5th.

Regrets,

Professor Babbling

* * *

_**Response-Sent 10/1**_

_**Mission accomplished. You really need to start paying me for this. Why are you using me to get out of your classes?**_

_**Thanks. I have no clue who she is. If I had, don't you think I would've titled the article, MYSTERY GIRL IS _.**_

_**Trust me, my family's probably worse than yours. I think my dad cheats on my mum. I've seen him out with a mysterious brunette, and my mother's a blonde. But, as I requested in my first letter, if you could tell me why your parents are shit-for-brains, I'd probably understand why you hate them.**_

_**The States are lovely. There's American football, and really good hamburgers, and better movies. I wouldn't mind going back someday. Harley as in the motorcycle? So, you're a daredevil? Interesting. **_

_**Good Beatles song. I'd say you have good taste, but then you brought up the Rolling Stones. EW. NO. What are you smoking? We'll test that theory of yours about you being the better Mugs player someday. Sorry it couldn't be last night. I was busy. We'll meet up someday though, and I'll drink you under the table.**_

_**Felt stupid yet?**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zamira**_

_**

* * *

**_Sent 9/28

AB-

Of course it's impressive. It's practically a work of art. What have you done lately to rival that?

You ready to stop harassing me yet?

-RL

* * *

9/30

Rl,

Not much. I never said I was more rebellious than you, did I? I just said I wasn't sure you were human. No need to lash out like that.

I'm willing to cease fire whenever you are, love.

-A.B.

* * *

**R&R! Next chapter will be letters between James and Mystery Girl only, the others will come in later chapters!**


	3. James and Mystery Girl: Fall Term

**This one took a little longer, but it was a bit longer than the previous, and I had a blast writing it. I hope you enjoy it, and keep on reviewing! I love reading em', whether they're love or hate. (They've all been amazing so far, though. Thanks to all of you for the alerts, and the favorites, and especially the reviews.)**

**

* * *

**

**James and Mystery Girl-Fall Term**

**Sent 10/2**

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**You're one clever bird. Painting them all pink? Genius. I enclose several Sugar Quills as a reward, though I got them the honest, fair, way by going into Hogsmeade over the weekend. Don't thank me yet-Enclosed, is Plan 3. You will see the inside of detention yet! But, yes, that's exactly how the hypothetical dashing hero felt after Whizbee-Gate. **

**Marly didn't react well to having her spot on the Quidditch team threatened. She has very sharp nails, did you notice? I was at the party a few nights ago, but I didn't see you (mostly because I don't know what you look like). Where were you? Maybe I can piece together who you are, though my memory of that party's rather hazy.**

**Quidditch, pt. 2. I have no idea why the Chasers don't get more points. I submitted a formal suggestion to change it from 10 to 1,000, but Hooch wasn't very receptive. I guess the Snitch is supposed to be harder to see? The Keeper doesn't get a bat, because that would make it far too easy. It's more interesting to watch guys nearly fall off their brooms trying to make a save. Bats would ruin all of that.**

**You seem to have a firm grasp on the Keeper. Do you understand the Beaters?**

**The story took place 3 years ago, during our 3rd year at Hogwarts. (Not necessarily the hero's.) As for the Whizbees, what they did with them will be revealed in today's story: What They Did With All Those Damn Whizbees.**

**Once upon a time, four boys hadn't considered the consequences of stealing a large amount of candy they didn't like. Now, they were again bored, and were getting sick of stepping over all the Fizzing Whizbees. So, they came up with a plan for the next Quidditch game.**

**Since Fizzing Whizbees make you levitate several feet off the ground, these boys thought it might make a good distraction to the opposing team, which just happened to be Slytherin, to give a Whizbee to EVERYONE, and cause them all to start floating at once. (They also encouraged those who didn't like Fizzing Whizbees to chuck them at the players. It would work just as well.) So, every time Slytherin came near the goal, this mass of people would start floating up in the air, making faces at them. The expressions they got were PRICELESS. Slytherin lost to Gryffindor 50-280, helped in part by those four boys (the ones who weren't playing, anyway). Unfortunately, McGonagall happened to notice what they were doing, figured out what they had done to get all those Whizbees, and gave them all 3 weeks of detention. But, detention wasn't all that bad anyway. THE END.**

**No stories of detention yet. You must experience it first.**

**Curious as to what you'll do with this one, **

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

**Detention Plan 3-**

**Eat your breakfast in the Library. Yes, it sounds simple, but Pince hates it, and she'll cuss at you in French, and toss you out, most likely getting you detention.**

**Reward: 15 points (That'll bring you up to 30), and a balanced meal**

* * *

_10/4 _

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_Is it pathetic to confess that I feel better just seeing your letters? Like today, for instance. I had a crappy day. It started all positive, because I aced my DADA exam. But, then I went to Runes and found out I'd have to partner with Mundungus Fletcher, who has all the brains of a post, and I think something funny was in the eggs this morning, because by Potions, I was in the Hospital Wing heaving, and by the afternoon, I was ready to just say "Screw this," and head back to my dormitory and collapse. But, when I got back, I saw Aurora holding a letter, and I saw your handwriting, and even then I felt this little rush of happiness, just seeing your writing on the envelope. You probably think I'm mad now, don't you? I wouldn't blame you a bit._

_I was at the party too, over on one of the chairs. I was there until about midnight. Mostly I was talking with Emmeline Vance, one of my other mates. Unfortunately, nobody leaped out at me as "Mystery Boy," like I thought they might. Oh, well. We can try again someday. Hazy? Does that mean you were drinking? I'm SHOCKED, simply shocked._

_You didn't have to threaten Marly. Just ask nicely. Even though she usually doesn't respond well to that either, you're less likely to get hurt that way. Unfortunately, Emmeline, who's a much better mate than Marly over here, has no clue who you are. Marly says you should just man up and ask me to meet with you already. I told her to shove it up her arse, this was only the fourth letter you'd sent me. We have a lovely relationship, don't we?_

_I get the Beaters. They're the ones who aim the heavy balls at everyone else, right? Marly already explained them a while back. I always thought that position sounded like it was the most fun. _

_I think I actually may have been involved in that story. I vaguely remember being at a Quidditch game, floating. It was cold and windy, but it was kind of fun. I hadn't wanted to go to the game, I remember that. But, once I went, it was alright._

_You coming to the library tomorrow? I have something big planned. I must say, me eating breakfast in the library? You're losing your touch._

_98.5% of my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_

10/8

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**Sorry I'm late with this letter. I've been busy with practice the last couple of days. Our next match isn't for a month, but we need all the help we can get. We barely got by against Slytherin. But, 4 days isn't too bad, right? **

**Actually, that isn't pathetic at all. What's really pathetic is what I did. Because, you called me out on it, and now I will address it. Yes, having you eat breakfast in the library was a stupid plan. But, this one was really pathetic because it was less about you getting detention and more about me figuring out who the hell you are. After all, the one girl eating breakfast? That's an easy one. So, don't feel pathetic. Yours was actually pretty cute. Mine is just stalker behavior. **

**However, my plan didn't work anyway, because you have outsmarted the system again. How on Earth did you get all those people to eat breakfast in the library? More importantly, where did you find a frozen yogurt machine? Do you still have it? The Key Lime Pie was pretty good. So, I guess detention can wait a little bit longer. Plan 4 coming up! (Hopefully this time it will be worthy of you.)**

**On the chairs, huh? Are you a blonde? Or was that your friend? I saw a blonde with brown eyes, but she was the only one. I'm equally SHOCKED by your accusation. Drinking is the last thing I'd be doing. (You're just jealous you didn't get any firewhiskey. Ha!)**

**Honestly, your mates aren't much better than mine. I asked one of my mates if he could get the truth out of her, but he said exactly the same thing, "Why not just ask the chick yourself? You scared?" Apparently, we need to send all of them to the Friendship Academy. **

**Since you seem to know what you want from the Quidditch lessons, why don't you tell me what you want to learn next? Easier than me just throwing stuff out there. **

**You were there? Shame I was out on the Pitch; I'm sure I'd remember you if I knew you.**

**Impressed and Slightly Ashamed,**

**Mystery Boy**

* * *

**Detention Plan 4-**

**Set off fireworks above the staircases. 1 PM, any day this week.**

**Reward-20 pts, and a very happy student body**

**

* * *

**

_10/13_

_Dear Mystery Boy, _

_You know, I was getting really angry, thinking you hadn't sent me a letter. I thought you might be abandoning this whole thing after my madness was revealed. I was getting ready to follow my owl and give you a piece of my mind for not writing. Then, when I came back today, I noticed an envelope on my desk, underneath my Transfiguration paper. Your letter! From FIVE DAYS AGO! Now, I feel really terrible, because it's all my fault, for not clearing off my bloody desk. So, I apologize profusely for being so late. You at least had an excuse. I'm just a disorganized blighter._

_That's not all that pathetic. If I'd thought of it, I might've tried the same thing. But, I'm glad you think it was cute. I still feel like I'm mad, but I frequently feel that way anyway._

_How I got them all to eat there? Trade secret. Can't have the world knowing my strategy. As for the frozen yogurt machine, I still have it, hidden. You can come have Key Lime Pie anytime you like, if you can find it. Don't worry; it's not hidden anywhere you wouldn't be able to go. Though, somehow I doubt there IS a place in this castle you can't get to. I've enclosed the key to get it going. Have fun! Send pictures of you eating it, because I'm beginning to doubt you. You claim you're this big trouble-maker, but what have you done to PROVE IT?_

_Nope, not blonde. But, Emmeline's not either, so I have no idea who you saw. I have my eye on you, whoever you are. (Or I would, if I knew what you looked like.) No underage drinking on my watch. (Like I've said, I don't drink. HA to you too!)_

_I think the Friendship Academy plan is fabulous. Just send me the address, and your mate. He and Marly can learn the value of loyalty, and more importantly, SHARING SECRETS. _

_Speaking of Marly, that reminds me, Quidditch lessons. Yes. Ok, next up, Seeker. I think we may have to cancel them soon. We're running out of material. Perhaps you could instead tell me what detention's like?_

_See you at 1 tomorrow. _

_A Thousand Sorries and 99.7% of my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_

**10/18**

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**I will CONSIDER accepting your apology. However, you owe me a favor of my choosing. I'd demand more, but I haven't written in days either. Practice is killing me. Meanwhile, CLEAN YOUR DESK, WOMAN! Untidiness is no excuse. **

**I have enclosed a photograph of me (yes, that's my hand) eating some delicious frozen yogurt. Is that good enough for you? Just because I'm not advertising it doesn't mean I'm not the biggest trouble-maker at Hogwarts. I just like to be subtle. You're right though, there isn't a place in this castle I can't go. Is that something YOU can say for yourself? I also enclosed the key. This week your task is not to get detention, but to find it. **

**Shame, the blonde was cute. Though, I'm sure you're decent-looking. Care to send me a picture? By the way, you're STILL holding onto your delusional sobriety movement? Whenever I meet you, I'm buying you a Firewhiskey. You're drinking it. No arguments. **

**So, I had a question on the mate front: Are WE mates? Because if we are, you should tell me how you rigged up the fireworks, since sharing secrets is so essential. The explosions in the shapes of the professors' faces were very unique. The show was a hit. Were you there? I assume you were, yet somehow you evaded capture again. But, I'm not telling you about detention yet. Or Quidditch. Quidditch will be next week. I'm sick of it right now.**

**I'm not giving up yet.**

**Very, very, tired,**

**Mystery Boy**

* * *

****

_10/22_

_Dear Mystery Boy, _

_This time I have a legitimate excuse. We had that project in Runes, remember, and I had Fletcher as a partner, and he has all the intelligence and drive of a dung beetle. So, I've been slaving all week to get it done. In my spare time, I was looking for the yogurt machine. Where the hell did you hide it? If you put it in the forest, I'll put a jinx in the next letter, I swear. _

_You? SUBTLE? Please. I haven't met you, but I can safely say you are about as subtle as a brick to the head. But, I will concede, your exploration of the castle was obviously very thorough. I've searched the place top to bottom and haven't found it yet. _

_No pictures. Not until I meet you. How do I know you aren't crazy? Or that you aren't a stalker, as you previously mentioned? Or you aren't some combination of the two? Not yet, Mystery Boy, not yet. I'll compromise with you: Maybe, MAYBE, I'll drink some mead, if I'm in the mood. If you're half as exasperating as you are on paper (I say that with love), I'll need it to numb the headache._

_You can shut up about Quidditch. Marly can take over from here. I'd really like to know more about detention. Why are you so hell-bent on getting me in?_

_I won't tell you about the fireworks. But, I will say, you're an alright mate, Mystery Boy, even if I've never met you._

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_**10/25**

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**Sorry to hear about Fletcher. Should I hex him for you? That'll get the bugger working. Is it wrong that I'm actually a little pleased to hear you haven't completed one of my tasks yet? But, I hid it in a fair place. No, it's not in the Forest. What if it rained? Then, I'd never get another dish of Key Lime Pie. See, I'm not a complete idiot.**

**I have to say, your last letter completely broke our truce. Calling me exasperating and not very subtle? Extremely offensive. Does that mean I can have my turn at insulting YOU?**

**I'm not crazy, a stalker, or a crazy stalker, don't worry. You'll find out soon enough. You're drinking the firewhiskey. I said no arguments, and I meant no arguments. None of this pathetic "mead." That stuff is weak. **

**I'm hell-bent on getting you into detention, because it's a vital part of the teenage experience. You've rebelled against the law. You've had the rush that comes from pulling one over on the administration. But, nothing lasts forever. Nobody can stay untouchable. Detention is the final stage, the one where you pay up, and Mystery Girl, everyone needs to pay up at some point or another. Even you.**

**I've enclosed another task for you. Don't worry; the machine can wait. Give me an answer soon, yeah?**

**You aren't a half-bad mate, either.**

**Awaiting your reply,**

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

**Plan #6-Detention-Free (Hopefully)**

**This Saturday (October 31st), at 6:00, there will be a masquerade ball. Will you, Mystery Girl, go with me? **

**If so, meet me by the staircase at 5:50. I'll be wearing the silver Greek tragedy mask (the smiling one).**

**Tell me your answer in your next letter.**

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_I'm still looking for that yogurt machine. You think you could at least give me a hint? I'm glad it's not in the forest. However, I like yogurt too, particularly Madagascar Vanilla. Could you please bring me some? Leave it outside the girl's dormitory at 8 tomorrow. (I'm not going to be the one to pick it up, so no, you can't wait for me to come out.) _

_No, you aren't allowed to insult me. I had a brief lapse, but I'm back on the straight and narrow. No more insults, I promise._

_I'll pay up when I'm ready. But, being untouchable's a bit of a rush. The sad thing is, I don't think I should be caught. The teachers are livid. If I'm caught, I think my punishment will be a bit more severe than just a few weeks of detention. So, maybe we should just keep playing, until it all blows over. Agreed?_

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_P.S.: The answer is yes, definitely. I'll be there, in the white gown, and the mask with the feathers. See you soon!_

_

* * *

_

**Sitting next to the frozen yogurt, with a white rose-10/29**

**You're lucky I like you. What kind of flower do you want for a corsage? **

**-Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

_Spellotaped to the door of the boy's dormitory-10/30_

_A million thanks, my friend. Don't be silly! I don't need a corsage. Your company will be enough._

_-Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_

Sent by owl, with a white orchid corsage-10/31

**Doesn't matter if you want one or not, you're getting one. I'm going to do this right or die trying. **

**That last comment sounded suspicious. Are you FLIRTING with me, Mystery Girl?**

**-Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**-_Sent by owl with a boutonniere-Later, 10/31_

_Fine, then. If that's the way it's going to be._

_Maybe. See you tonight!_

_-Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_

11/2

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**Well played, I must say. For when I came down the stairs, you looked like the swan you were masquerading as. White dress, white shoes, even white hair, and a painted mask with white feathers that had eyeholes and a mouth and gave me no clues as to who you were. Even your voice was disguised, a little bit muffled through the mask. So, I suppose you are still a mystery, after all this time, because I have no idea who you are. However, I can't blame you, because you didn't know who I was either, with my silver hair to match the mask, and my own muffled voice. **

**But, you aren't entirely a mystery anymore. For not knowing who you were, I learned quite a bit about you. I learned you hate high heels, and that you only wore them because you thought I'd be tall. (I also learned you're a good guesser.) Then, when I got you a firewhiskey, I found out that you had in fact drank one before, you dirty little liar, and that you weren't opposed to alcohol, but you didn't like the taste. I learned that you have a lot of friends, as they all kept coming over and looking at me with these huge grins and saying they were pleased to meet me at last, but none of them ever mentioned my name or yours, the prats. I found out you're the best dancer I've ever met, and that you can't keep your mouth shut when you get started. You cuss like a sailor, you laugh more than any person has a right to, and you hate to be made fun of (which is unfortunate, because I don't think I'm going to stop). You had no idea where the Room of Requirement was, and your eyes lit up like a little kid when you saw it. You look a bit funny with yogurt on your mask, but you managed to eat it anyway through the little hole, an outstanding accomplishment, I must say. You aren't afraid to look stupid, or to make me look stupid either. You hugged me at the end, for some odd reason, I think you blushed, but I couldn't tell with the mask on you. You have eyes like emeralds. **

**You were one hell of a date, Mystery Girl. Maybe sometime we could do it without the masks someday?**

**Yeah, I'll keep playing, under one condition. I won't play forever, Mystery Girl, not without knowing my opponent. Because, now that I've met you, I don't know how much longer I can take anonymity. **

**Unsure,**

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**_11/9_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_I'm so, so, sorry. I'm a bitch, honestly.__I read your letter, and it was so nice, and I had no idea how to respond, so I just let it sit for a while, pushing it off a little farther each day.__But, I'm not pushing it off any further, because you deserve an answer._

_I meant to take off my mask. The only reason I wore it and did my hair like that was because... I was scared. I thought you would hate me, and think "She was so much better on paper," and you wouldn't want to be my mate anymore, or write to me anymore. But, I had said that I would take off my mask in the end, and then all this mystery business could be put to rest._

_Then, you made fun of me, and laughed at me, and made me laugh, and danced with me, and took me to that room, and...I couldn't do it. You were better than I'd imagined. I was terrified that I'd be the one who disappointed. So, I let you say good night like a proper gentleman, and even then I hadn't revealed myself. If I hadn't had such a good time, I probably would've felt like a right piece of shit, like I do now._

_I'd like to say that now I feel all courageous and ready to be straight with you, but...I'm not. Because, that little voice in my head is still telling me that once the mask is off, everything will be ruined. So, because you're a nice guy and a good mate, I hope you'll understand. I promise to tell you who I am, just give me a bit. I need to get over this thing first._

_Don't worry; the game won't last forever. Just a little bit longer._

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_11/11

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**You're not a bitch, or a piece of shit. You're a better person than I am, because at least you told me why you didn't take off your mask. I didn't say anything at all, so I'll say it now: I'm sorry, too. You're no shittier than I am.**

**As for disappointing, you didn't meet my expectations. You exceeded them. **

**I can wait a little bit longer. You'll be worth it.**

**Contented (for now),**

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

_11/13_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_Thank you. :) _

_Now, next time write me a proper letter, yeah? The type with witty banter and small talk about goings-on. It's your turn._

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

_

11/16

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**You're wish is my command. One proper letter chalk-full of witty banter coming right up. **

**Now, I need your help: One of my mates wants us to pull off a heist, which will involve danger, mystery, and one hell of a diversion. So, this is Plan #7-do something, anything really, to create a distraction this Thursday at 3 pm. Got that? I have no specific directions this time-I think you can dream up something. **

**We have a match tomorrow. Will you be there? I'm not sure we can win without you. I'm not very superstitious, but I think you may be some sort of good-luck charm. By the way, Marly is still being tight-lipped. She says you should stop being such a prat, though. I've already bought her ticket to the Academy to go through some "reeducation." **

**On a final note, you remember how I saw a blonde at the Quidditch party last month? Did you see her too? If you did, was there anything strange about her? **

**In Bond Mode, **

**Mystery Boy**

**PS: This letter will self-destruct in 10 seconds. I hope you took notes.**

**

* * *

**_11/18_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_What gives? That was the shortest letter ever. Are you holding out on me, Mystery Boy? Tsk, tsk. (Sorry. Crabby again. But, you set a very high standard for letter-writing you know. I expect more.)_

_I'll help you out. Great Hall, 3 pm, tomorrow, the greatest spectacle ever seen by man or beast. Sound about right? But, what exactly are you doing?_

_I was at the match yesterday, though I'm not your good-luck charm. You all won all on your own. But, it was fun. The cold butterbeer, the roar of the crowd, all those sports clichées. I would compliment you on your playing, but I didn't know which one you were. (Except I can safely say you aren't the Keeper or the Seeker. Unless you have an even bigger secret than you're letting on, Mystery Boy?) As for Marly, EXCELLENT. Phase 1 complete._

_Got awful news today. Apparently, my sister and her whale-like boyfriend are getting MARRIED. I'm going to have to put up with this bloke the rest of my life, can you believe it? Even worse, to get to know my parents (and show off his money), he's taking them all on a Mediterranean cruise, which leaves TWO DAYS before I get back. Em says she'll send and owl to her parents (Marly's visiting relatives in the States), but chances are I'll be stuck here for the holidays. Words cannot describe my unhappiness at this announcement._

_Yes, I have a vague memory of seeing the blonde you described. But, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, other than that she left halfway through. Perhaps she had somewhere to be? Though I don't know where she'd be going at 10 on a Friday night. I'll think that one over._

_Why do you need to know, anyway? Planning on asking her out or something?_

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_PS- You need to improve your spy technology, Mr. Bond. The note you last sent rests safely in my hand, as it has the last hour and a half from when I read it._

**_11/22_**

**_Enclosed with letter:_**

**_Hogwarts Tribune-Evening Edition-11/19_**

**_MYSTERY GIRL STRIKES AGAIN_**

**_by Zamira Knight, field reporter_**

**_Today, students had a rather odd afternoon, thanks to Mystery Girl. Four live lions, strobe lights instead of the sky, and the pulsing Weird Sisters tracks- even the floor became colorful, lighting up as you stepped on it. All this was thanks to Mystery Girl, the strange school criminal who seems to be more about snubbing her nose at the administration than actually doing any real harm. But, this act may be more on point with flipping them off. _**

**_Soon, a few students began to dance. After that, a few more. Slowly, the crowd of jumping, dancing kids, some even up on the tables to avoid the lions (who caused no injury to anything other than Harold MacMillan's pride) grew to stretch across almost all the way across the Great Hall. The headmaster didn't break up the impromptu party until almost two hours later, when almost the entire student body had been jumping around downstairs in the fray. The hall was cleaned up well before dinner was served, but the effects of the party (and the illicit firewhiskey said to be there) are still felt late tonight. The only sign this was Mystery Girl's doing? A large hot pink note on the Hogwarts tapestry, simply saying "You're welcome. Love, Mystery Girl." The question on everyone's mind: Who is this odd rebel and where will she strike next? _**

**_

* * *

_**

**11/22**

**Dear Mystery Girl, **

**I'm bowing down at your altar, seriously. The graffiti on the tapestry, the rave-like party you somehow managed to create in the Great Hall, the LIONS. Now that's some handy Transfiguration right there. You created the best diversion in a while. The heist went down perfectly, and I am eternally grateful. Your wish is my command. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what went down, as it was classified. That's why the last letter had to be so short. (I'd never hold out on you. I simply don't want to have to kill you. Thanks for complimenting my superior writing skills, though.) **

**That IS why we won. You can't argue with two games in a row, Mystery Girl. Don't worry, I'm not hiding anything THAT big. Summer, Marly, and Hestia are lovely girls, but I ain't them. However, it's the thought that counts with your compliment. I played well, that's what counted.**

**Tough break. Your sister's boyfriend sounds like a dick. Look at it this way, at least YOU aren't stuck on a boat with him and your prissy sister. Has Em said you could stay with her? It's not all that bad to be stuck here for the holidays. The food's better than anything, the decorations are nice, and all you do all day is lounge around and play chess. Plus, I'll be here, and that's always a bonus. **

**No, I'm not planning on asking her out. Why? You jealous? Don't worry; you and I can go on a date whenever you want. Just tell me who you are. Simple as that, love. I might even tell you what that heist was all about.**

**Worshipping at Your Altar Again,**

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

_11/25_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_Thank you, thank you very much. So, have I finally bested you, proved that I'm worthy? You didn't enclose an assignment. Does that mean I win? Sorry you missed the party. But, about that wish...a dish of Madagascar Vanilla frozen yogurt with the next letter? I'm sick and lazy; even getting to the Room of Requirement's a challenge._

_So, as I mentioned above, I'm writing this as I lay on my deathbed. I think I have the flu. Madame Pomfrey just said to drink some Pepper-Up Potion every day and berated me for getting sick AGAIN, the old hag. It's not my fault I have a weak immune system. So, with nothing but Pepper-UP and some Motrin I had in my bag, I have to fight this thing off, which is not proving to be an easy task. I'll probably be out until Wednesday. So, I may be late with the next letter. Or dead. In which case, I will bequeath the yogurt machine to you my friend, and one of the lions. Her name is Duchess. _

_Thanks. Unfortunately, Em's parents have decided they want to spend Christmas in Wales, so I can't go with them. Oh, well. If the food's as good as you claim, maybe it won't be too bad. I sure as hell wouldn't want to spend my holiday trapped on a bloody boat with them anyway. But...you say you're going to be here? I take it back. It will surely be that bad. _

_Of course I'm not jealous, you smarmy prat. I just wanted to send the poor girl my condolences. As for telling you who I am, you're a clever bloke. Figure it out._

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

* * *

**11/26-Attached to the yogurt**

**Mystery Girl,**

**I'm only taking pity on you because you're sick. So, care to do me a favor? Say, tell me who you are and shower me with endless praise? Or, better yet, be my slave? **

**-Mystery Boy**

**PS: Proper letter coming soon, so don't gripe at me.**

**

* * *

**

_11/27-Spellotaped to the dormitory door_

_Mystery Boy,_

_I'm having Em tape this to your door, because I'm still ill, but thank you very, very, much for the yogurt. No, I'm not doing any of those things. You once said my wish was your command. Well, this was my wish. So, no slavery, thanks._

_-Mystery Girl_

_PS: It better be. Tape it on the door. I'm too feeble to get to the Great Hall for mail. _

_

* * *

**11/29**_

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**I know you're mad this one's late, since the only thing involved is writing and taping it on your door, but keep in mind, I still have to clear these things with McGonagall, even if she doesn't read them. They're graded and all that. I hope that this letter brings joy to you in your weakened state.**

**The answer to your question is a resounding NO. You have not won. I didn't enclose an assignment because I thought you might need a break. We'll resume soon. But, this is not the end of our game, my friend. No, it's only the beginning. You'll see the inside of detention or die trying.**

**I can't feel all that much pity for you being sick, considering you ordered me to get your frigging yogurt, without any sort of reward. But, Pomfrey is a hag, I'll give you that. Once I had bronchitis, and she told me the exact same thing. I nearly DIED. Are you dead yet? Because I really want that lion. I think, if given the chance, I could learn to ride it.**

**Sorry about Em. If it was my family, I'd just insist they drag you along. Then again, I don't think I've known you long enough to invite you on vacations, anyway. See, you'll come around to the idea. However, I must warn you, your last comments on the matter were verging on offensive. Remember the truce, Mystery Girl. But, perhaps we can hang out then. Have some face-to-face time. **

**Ha ha ha. You're a snarky one, aren't you? As for figuring you out...I think I may be close. We'll see.**

**Almost There,**

**Mystery Boy**

_12/3_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_It did. Bring me joy, I mean. It made me feel very happy, even if it was a touch late. Don't worry; I understand the McGonagall dilemma. I HATE clearing the letters, but if it meant I'd have to stop writing to you if I didn't...well I'd rather clear them. _

_Aw...I was looking forward to rubbing it in your face. But, I look forward to the new challenges. I take it you'll raise the stakes a little bit? I'm getting quite tired of all this childish rubbish. I'm not dying to get into detention. You can die for me, yeah? Heroic sacrifice and all that._

_I nearly died as well, or have you forgotten? I'm lucky to be alive, after all that. I think I had pneumonia. Just hazarding a guess. But, I'm glad you agree on Pomfrey. Marly and Em just think I'm a nutter. "What could that sweet old lady ever do to you?" Oh they'll see. Just watch. They'll see. Nope, not dead, sorry. Duchess is all mine. Though I would be interested (i.e. get a good laugh) out of seeing you try and ride her._

_Aw, that's sweet. Maybe someday, if we ever meet each other. Those comments? They weren't insults. They were just friendly teasing. Man up, Mystery Boy. As for face to face time, maybe. It may be that I'm a bit loopy, and am relieved to actually be out of bed, but I'm actually considering it. _

_Part of my charm, Mystery Boy, all part of my charm. You know you like it. So...who am I?_

_All my best, _

_Mystery Girl_

* * *

Spellotaped to the door of the Girls' Dormitory-12/6

STUDENTS:

Don't forget! Sign-ups for students staying over the holiday break (12/15-1/7) close December 9th. You CANNOT stay if you have not signed up or your parents have notified the staff.

Thank you and Happy Christmas!

-The Staff

**Just a reminder for you. Don't leave me all alone over break. Letter coming tomorrow.**

**-Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

**

_Spellotaped to the dormitory door-12/7_

_Nothing to worry about. I've already signed up. Me miss the chance to bug you an extra three weeks? Never._

_-Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

Late, 12/7_

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**Again, so very late. I hate clearing them. Hopefully, we stop after the break.**

**Oh, don't worry. These challenges will be ramped up to an 11. (That's on a scale of 1-10, by the way.) Sorry, love, I don't die for strangers. But, I may have been exaggerating a bit. Dying is a touch extreme. Let's just stick to getting maimed, yeah?**

**Perhaps our next venture should be an anti-Pomfrey campaign? You'd probably get detention out of that, and we might expose the old woman's poisonous soul to the world. Can we have joint custody of Duchess? Almost is close enough to actually dying. Besides, of you'd be entertained, it would be worth it. Where are you keeping her?**

**I can be sweet when I want to be. But, don't say that to my mates. Don't want to be called a pansy. Good, consider it. Give it a lot of thought. I'd like to actually see your face before I'm in my 80's. **

**Charm? You? Please. The only thing you've got going for you is your alter ego. Speaking of alter egos, telling you spoils the mystery. Didn't you tell me that once?**

**Amused,**

**Mystery Boy**

* * *

_12/11_

_Dear Mystery Boy,_

_I have to start with this, because if I don't I'll lose my nerve and we'll be right back at square 1. I would like to meet you. For real. So...Gryffindor Common Room on the fifteenth? Noon? I don't know how many people there will be, but if you need to look for me, I'll be wearing a dark blue top. So...tell me if you want to as well. Or if I'm just mad. Either one._

_Ooh..11. Those will be interesting. Will they start over break? Just think, the whole school practically empty. It's ours for the taking. But, then there are less people to take the blame, I suppose. You win some, you lose some._

_Let's keep the Pomfrey campaign underground for now. I don't think a vendetta against a staff member is really the wisest thing. And, NO, almost dying is not even close to actually dying. But, I might let you take riding lessons, for the price of 15 gallons. (per class, an extra 1 galleon for every hour past the first one). _

_You admit it? Wow. Few blokes can actually stand being called sweet. Does this mean you have a sensitive side, Mystery Boy?_

_Why do you keep writing me such long letters if I have nothing going for me, huh? As for your guess, if you agree to the above, tell me if you're right. I'll know if you're lying._

_All my best,_

_Mystery Girl_

_

* * *

**12/14**_

**Dear Mystery Girl,**

**It will be interesting, indeed. You might be onto something, with starting over break. You and me and a whole school to roam about and terrorize...just imagine it. Are there dragons in yours? Large explosions? Those were prominently featured in mine. **

**You're no fun. The vendetta would've been amazing. Changed the entire student-teacher relationship. That's a bogus price, Mystery Girl. I'm not shelling out that much, especially considering you don't even know how to ride a lion, let alone teach me. (Don't deny it, you know it's the truth.) Maybe I could teach YOU to ride Duchess?**

**I MIGHT have a sensitive side. Maybe. I'm having it removed in March, anyway.**

**Ok, I'll admit, you're occasionally amusing. But, that's the only reason. That, and you own the frozen yogurt machine. **

**As for the first part...You're mad. **

**Mad to think I wouldn't want to meet you. **

**I'll be sitting in the chair closest to the fire. **

**See you tomorrow. **

**Waiting,**

**Mystery Boy**

**

* * *

R&R! Next up, Sirius and Zamira's fall term! James and Mystery Girl will return in Chapter 6, sorry. But, hopefully it'll be entertaining until then. **


	4. Sirius and Zamira: Fall Term

_Thanks for all the reviews and comments, guys! Here's Chapter 4!_

_

* * *

_

Sirius and Zamira-Fall Term

_Sent 10/3_

_Zamira,_

_No, I'm not paying you. What are you, mad? Helping a friend out is a paid service these days? Look, if you have to know, the reason you're getting me out of classes is exams. I'm not really what you'd call a studier. But, I can't flunk this year, or else I'm not going to be able to be an Auror. So, help me out and buy me some time?_

_Cheating? You've barely scratched the surface, love. Just wait until your father has THREE mistresses. And they're triplets. And your mum knows it and doesn't care. That's when it's bad. It's also part of why my parents are shit-for-brains. _

_Damn right I'm a daredevil. I've lusted after one of those things since the moment I saw one. So, I figure I'll move there, and get some kind of job doing who knows what, and get a bike, and do whatever the hell I want. Don't have to pass a single class for that one. What's American football like? Better or worse?_

_The Rolling Stones are amazing. There's no "Ew, no." about it. Have you ever even listened to them? You're sadly mistaken if you ever think you'll drink me under the table. But, I'll have a good laugh watching you pass out._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**10/6 **_

_**Sirius, **_

_**Shame. Perhaps I don't feel like doing your little tasks, then? As a Ravenclaw priss (which seems to be the title you give me), I don't approve at all of all this truancy I'm helping with. Here's a revolutionary thought: ACTUALLY STUDY.**_

_**Ok, you win in the cheating department. But, I'm really the one who won there anyway, because I finally got you to divulge a little bit of why you think your parents are shit-for-brains. So, ha! I win! I am sorry, though. Your family SUCKS.**_

_**Daredevil? Do you actually know HOW to ride a motorbike? Know anything other than the prolific Harley-Davidson? A Ducati, perhaps? Kawasaki? Suzuki? You've barely scratched the surface of daring, mate. By the way, being a professional slacker doesn't work very well in the States. You'll probably end up working at McDonald's. Or as a hobo. That's a funny thought, you outside a Mickey D's as a hobo. Perhaps you'll live in the Playplace. Football is much different in America. The ball's a strange shape, and they pass it around with their hands and run it down the field. I honestly don't understand where the "foot" part comes into their football. But, it's extremely fun to watch. Much more exciting than football here.**_

_**I've listened to a few Stones songs, but I had to stop before my ears bled. They're AWFUL. I'd much rather listen to the Beatles, or Queen. You into them? **_

_**Don't underestimate me, Black. Many a boy has come in with that mentality, only to find themselves under a table while I just laugh and laugh. I'll make sure to laugh extra hard at you.**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zamira**_

_**

* * *

**__10/8 _

_Zamira,_

_Fine . You win. 3 galleons per task. Final offer. I know plenty of girls who would give their left arms for this job. It doesn't matter if you don't approve, you're doing it anyway, or I find someone else. (I don't think of you as the priss. I think of you as the house nutter.) Studying takes time away from important things. Like hanging out and pulling pranks. You understand? _

_You are one strange bird. But, yeah sure, you win. But, I'm not telling you anymore. Not to some stranger, especially not to one who may or may not be insane._

_Maybe my research wasn't the most thorough, but it doesn't matter what brand, as long as I've got one. I don't know how to ride, but neither do you, so why do you give a shit? What's McDonald's? And what's a hobo? And what kind of football is that where they don't even use their feet?_

_Queen's alright. I've never thought too much of them, but Another One Bites the Dust is pretty good. I can't say you have good taste, considering the Stones and all. Maybe you're only a priss when it comes to music. _

_I'm not underestimating you. I'm just saying you've never had a worthy opponent. A real guy would have you passed out long before him._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**10/11**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I have the scoop of a LIFETIME! I know who Mystery Girl is! Remember the library, with the breakfast and the yogurt? Well, I was out past curfew, and guess who I saw taking the machine out (on Prefect rounds, no less)? LILY EVANS. No, I wasn't mistaken. I thought that at first too, but I saw the hair and it was confirmed, Lily's Mystery Girl. What is she doing, being all rebellious? I'm going to confront her on it soon, before I do my story. **_

_**3 Galleons? Try again, amigo. I don't work for cheap. I could get expelled for those kinds of tricks, you know. Just because you're a Marauder and you don't care about the consequences, that doesn't mean the rest of us are so indifferent. So, either raise the pay or find another girl. I'm sure you can get some swooning fourth year to do it. That's MY final offer. **_

_**I know I'm strange, but I tend to get what I want. Funny coincidence, isn't it? You'll fess up eventually. I have ways of making you talk.**_

_**Actually, I do know how to ride one. My eldest brother, Grayson, was an enthusiast. Gray has a Ducati, a Suzuki, and two Harleys. So, yes, I have quite a firm grasp on motorbikes, and I know they're serious business, not just something any bloke can pick up and start riding. People get hurt. THAT's why I give a shit. McDonald's is a fast-food place, where you can go in, get food from a counter, bring it to a table and eat. They sell hamburgers. A hobo is a dude who lives on the street because he has no home. It's America, my friend. They're odd. Just go with it. **_

_**Queen is beyond just alright. They're the best band ever, besides the Beatles. Have you ever heard Bohemian Rhapsody? It may be the single greatest song ever made. **_

_**You're claiming to be a worthy opponent? Black, don't get cocky.**_

_**Loads of Love, **_

_**Zamira**_

_**

* * *

**_

_10/14_

_Zamira,_

_Evans? EVANS? Are you kidding me? This is all the work of...Evans? Oh god, wait till James finds out. He'll probably wet himself, the prat. He's always had a thing for her. Never got why. Still, Evans...who knew that she had it in her? Always thought she was a bit of a stick-in-the mud._

_Fine, 6 per. Real final offer, and only because apparently fourth years are little kiss-ups and don't want their records ruined. I never said I didn't care about the consequences. I just tend not to think of them until afterwards._

_I'm used to interrogation tactics, Knight. I don't talk. Period. I know girls like to know everything and hash out all their feelings, but guys don't. End of story._

_Woah, that's sweet. You think you could come show me how to ride one? Just Accio one of his bikes; I'm sure he won't notice if one's missing. I know they're serious. I'd wear a helmet. Most of the time. I'm not that much of an idiot. Burgers, huh? I've never really had a burger. Everything at the house was always all frou-frou. House-elf fare. James says they're good. Being a hobo doesn't sound all that bad. I've done worse. Besides, at least I can get away from the rest of them._

_Bohemian Rhapsody is NOT the single greatest song ever. It's far, far, from it. I know it's supposed to be all great, with the mix of the piano and the random lyrics, but I just find it confusing. I think whoever wrote it was on a drug trip._

_It's not bragging if it's true, love._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

__**10/17**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**DON'T tell James. If I know anything about James Potter, it's that it'll be all over the school the minute you tell him that Mystery Girl's Lily. (One question: Why would James care if Lily was Mystery Girl? Does he know her or something?) Right now, her pranks are like the only exciting thing about this school. Besides, the longer she's out there, the more stories I get. It's a win-win. (at least for me). So, please, please, please, don't tell. I'll make it worth your while.**_

_**Six will do. Told you they'd care, though. I certainly do. Luckily, with Mystery Girl out there, everyone just blames the stuff on her. By the way, you might want to start considering the consequences, unless you enjoy spending time with him. Perhaps, that's the real reason behind all of this: You love Filch. Such scandal. Such intrigue. Totally front-page material.**_

_**You've never been interrogated properly, then. I have my ways. By the way, I'll buy you a journal for Christmas now. I think your feelings need some serious hashing.**_

_**I won't show you how to ride one. They're dangerous, and it's not something you can treat like a joke. I know that's what you'd do, don't deny it. You'd rip off your helmet five minutes in when you thought I wasn't looking, then do something stupid, get hurt, and blame me. I can't let you do that. Not to mention I'd never take Gray's bikes. Burgers are amazing. Juicy beef, cheese (if you want it), pickles, and catsup. Nothing else. Nirvana. Too bad they don't make em' at Hogwarts. You say being a hobo isn't that bad. Next school break, go into London. Go to Mickey D's and get a burger and some fries (AKA chips), and then lay around on the ground out front for a few hours. Then tell me how you feel. Send pictures if you do it.**_

_**The fact that you find it confusing just shows what an idiot you are. It is a piece of art in the music world, a song that stands out among hundreds of sound-alikes. An insta-classic. Freddie Mercury was certainly not on a drug trip. He has more talent in his pinky than you and your mates combined. **_

_**You are so stuck on yourself, it's absurd. I swear, you probably make out with your mirror at night the way some 2nd years kiss their pillows.**_

_**Loads of love, **_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

_10/20_

_Zamira,_

_Fine, I won't tell James, only because he'd go nuts. Mystery Girl is his PEN-PAL. But, how are you going to make it worth my while? I can think of a few ways..._

_Maybe I can employ Mystery Girl then. At least Evans isn't quite as smart-mouthed. You little...I don't love Filch. Suggest that again, and you may not live to write another article._

_Damn. How did you know? Look Knight, I'd be serious as the plague, I swear. I know it's dangerous. I know if I mess up it's all on me. I'll sign a waiver, I'll give you as many galleons as your heart desires, I'll do whatever you want. Please? _

_Burgers sound good. I'll pick one up over the break. I guarantee you, it's better than another day with my family. _

_Look, I know you fancy yourself a musical genius, but I bet 75% of the world agrees with me. (Another 10 pretend to agree with you, but really agree with me.) They all sound alike for a reason: That sound is actually good. Mercury had more talent (While he was on acid) than the rest of us, I will concede that. He deserves his (drug-produced) songwriting acclaim._

_You got me, babe. It's a bad habit. You know you wish that you were the mirror, though._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**10/22**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**His PEN-PAL? That's a gold mine. Whenever I do my story, he's first in line for interviews. EW. No. I'm not doing ANYTHING you think of, pervert. I meant, I'd do your little tasks for free. Thanks, by the way, for keeping the secret. It's nice of you. **_

_**Oh trust me, I think Evans would be even less cooperative. I know Lily rather well, actually. Why do you think I'm not selling her out this very minute? That's why I'm waiting until she gets caught to be the one who gets the scoop, like we agreed. So, what are you going to do to me if I suggest it again? Murder me? Maim me? Throw me off the Astronomy Tower? Then, you lose the only person who knows how to ride a bike at this school, and the loveable snark of your pen-pal (considering they're still being graded, that last one's more important than you think). No threatening me, Black. I don't enjoy it. You need me, and you know it. **_

_**I don't trust you to keep that promise. Just...just give it some time, alright? I need to make sure you're being serious. Study the bike or something. I've enclosed an Idiot's (which you most certainly are**__**) **__**Guide to Motorcycles. Read it, cover to cover. **_

_**I don't doubt it. They sound bloody awful. But, I don't think becoming a hobo is the best way to escape them. Living out on the street isn't exactly the easiest thing for rich little boys like yourself.**_

_**Why was Bohemian Rhapsody a hit if that many people agreed with you? Face it, the world's on my side, Black. And Mercury wasn't on acid! Maybe you're suggesting it because you are? It would explain the apparent lack of brain cells. **_

_**You disgust me, Sirius. No, I feel sorry for the mirror. You probably slobber all over it.**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

_10/24_

_Zam,_

_Yes, his pen-pal. No, don't interview him. He'll be screwed up enough. Aww. But, fine, free is good. Don't thank me. Makes me feel noble. Meh. _

_I don't need you. I could forge letters. I can learn to ride a bike over the summer. You're just convenient. I can and will hurl you off the Astronomy tower if you mention it again. However, I'm sure Evans would make you look angelic, so fine. I guess I'm stuck with you._

_I'm reading the guide manual. I'll do whatever you tell me. But, why won't you teach me to ride? You scared or something?_

_Oh, I get it. You think it'll be funny to see the rich pureblood fend for himself in London. Zam, I'm not exactly the average Slytherin pureblood. I could last more than three seconds, though you clearly don't expect me to._

_I'm not on acid. (Most days.) Mercury however, is still questionable. And, notice that not all hits have to make sense. Sometimes people just like the rhythms, and don't notice the odd words. _

_Give me some credit, Z. I don't slobber. I have a bit more finesse than that._

_So, you going to the ball?_

_-Sirius_

_**

* * *

**_

10/27

_**Sirius,**_

_**But screwed-up is good. Makes for an interesting story. Don't worry; you're the farthest thing from noble I can imagine. **_

_**Perhaps you don't need me around, but you want me. I know you. You wouldn't write me unless you got some pleasure out of it. Face it Sirius, as much as you'd like to say you hate me, you don't. You'd feel sad without my letters, without me. You just hide it because you're the guy who's not supposed to feel anything.**_

_**I won't teach you to ride, because...you gotta promise not to tell anyone, alright? I don't need their pity, and neither do my parents. One afternoon, Grayson was going on a ride, typical stuff. But, the road was slick. He lost control. He hit a car. It was a miracle he didn't die. But, he didn't. Gray spent weeks and weeks in St. Mungo's, and was finally released. In a wheelchair. Gray's paralyzed from the waist down. He can't feel anything, can't move. That's why I'm scared. I'm not letting anyone get on a bike and get hurt, and then know it was partially my fault, because I agreed to teach them. I can't live with that. Not after what happened to Gray.**_

_**Really? You think you can survive in the Muggle world? Tell me the currency of Muggle Britain.**_

_**I don't think this was a "we all just didn't notice the words" kind of thing, Sirius. Maybe you don't notice the words, since you probably can't understand half of them, but the rest of us actually see the insight and care that lies in the writing.**_

_**Yes, I'm going to the ball. I'll get all dressed up, make all the boys in the room wish they'd asked me, the whole deal. Why? **_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

_10/30_

_Zam,_

_I don't care how good the damn story would be, I'm not letting you interview my best friend without him at least being warned. But, thanks for not calling me noble. Not really my thing._

_I don't WANT you. I write you because there's a certain challenge in it, writing to a crazy, smart-ass, chick like yourself. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker for challenges. But, don't delude yourself. I wouldn't care one little bit if you stopped writing._

_Jesus, Zam. I'm sorry. Nobody deserves that, not you, not anyone else. Look...I'll wait, alright? I'll do whatever the hell you want me to do. I'll wait it out, it's ok. _

_Erm...can't I just pay in Galleons?_

_You're whole thing about the lyrics reminds me: How do you understand all the lyrics? What did you take notes or something?_

_Just asking. Thought perhaps I could meet you there. Make you realize how charming and suave I am. The whole spiel. Unfortunately, I have no clue what you look like...perhaps you could give me a hint?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**Spellotaped to the dormitory door-10/31**_

_**I'll be wearing a purple dress. That's all you're getting.**_

_**You could've just asked me, you know. I might've said yes. **_

_**-Z**_

_**

* * *

**_

_10/31-Owled_

_How the hell did you get into the common room? _

_I can figure you out from there._

_Don't confuse this with a date, Knight. I'm only curious as to what you look like. I'm not interested in dancing or any of that crap._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**Spellotaped to the dormitory door-10/31**_

_**I have my ways.**_

_**Oh, can you? Well, I'll be looking out for you then.**_

_**Too bad. We could've had fun. I wasn't much for dancing, either.**_

_**-Z**_

_**

* * *

**_

_11/2_

_Zam,_

_Well, you certainly didn't disappoint. I didn't expect a blonde. Then again, I didn't expect you to be as gorgeous as you...I mean I didn't expect you to be __decent-looking either. But, you were both. Thanks for sharing your flask. What was in there? I think I still have a headache two days later._

_You didn't bother to tell me you actually had a date. That would've been nice. What would've been nicer would've been to tell me you'd have his tongue down your throat half the time. Finnegan? Really? I thought you of all people would've had better taste. At least you slapped him at the end. That was pretty sweet._

_So, when are you going to write back? The score right now is 2 letters from me and none from you. I've got something important to tell you, as soon as you write back._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**11/5**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Good to know. Thanks, you didn't look half-bad yourself. What, you didn't think blondes could be Ravenclaws? You really need to be less judgmental. We're not all stereotypes. **_

_**Finnegan asked me that afternoon. It was a bit spur of the moment. You'd said it wasn't a date, so I thought, what the hell? Why not? As for having his tongue down my throat, he was drunk. I was drunk. I didn't feel like stopping him until his octopus hands became too much for me to handle. I'm not Mia Bones. I don't let guys get to 2nd base on the second date. I'm glad you enjoyed watching me slap him. I found it pretty enjoyable myself. You seem pretty annoyed at me, Black. Why? You jealous? All you had to do was ask me. I did say there was more to do than just dance.**_

_**However, you say you don't care. Does that mean I should stop writing? Saves me time, and I have enough extra credit that it won't even matter if I stop. **_

_**Thanks. Just gimme a bit. Let me know that I can trust you not to screw this up. Knowing what happened to Gray, I can barely get on the bike, let alone let someone else get on.**_

_**Nope. In the Muggle world, they'll just ask why you're trying to pay with a hubcap. I suggest you look up Pounds before your homeless adventure.**_

_**Yes, I understand most of them. It's not like it's Benny and the Jets or something. (By the way, do you like Elton John?) Listen close and you'll figure it out. **_

_**So, what's this important news you have to tell me?**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

_11/7_

_Zam,_

_YOU need to stop thinking I'm judgmental. __I never said I thought you couldn't be blonde because you're a Ravenclaw, I meant I was just surprised you were a blonde. I pictured you as a brunette._

_You could've still told me. "Hey, Sirius, forgot to tell you, but this prat just asked me out, and I said yes, so he'll be there too, trying to see how much of my face he can devour in an hour and a half." Being drunk doesn't excuse it. I may have done some stupid things that involved alcohol, but you're classier than that, Z. At least you had the good sense to get him off you in the end. I'm not jealous. Not in the least._

_Ok, fine. You win. I think you're alright. I...I wouldn't like it if you stopped writing. _

_I'll give you a bit longer. Just...face it, ok? The fear. It'll never go away if you don't. And then, you lose out on something amazing._

_I understand most of Benny and the Jets. Except for the bit about the walruses. That part screws with my head. Bohemian Rhapsody, on the other hand, is either about a kid shooting somebody, or his mom shooting someone. The first one is more badass._

_Oh, right, the news. James knows._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

__**11/10**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Sorry. I suppose I'm just as judgmental as you, in a way. That's alright, though. I can picture me as a brunette. **_

_**I was a bit too distracted to warn you. Had to get ready and all that. Besides, you had just said you didn't care. So, I thought you wouldn't care if I had a date. I am classier than that. I stopped him, didn't I? I fought the firewhiskey and I won. **_

_**You have no idea how jealous you sounded, do you? Denial isn't good for the soul, Sirius. Tsk tsk.**_

_**I wouldn't like if you stopped writing, either. So, let's just stop threatening each other, yeah?**_

_**I'm trying to face it. It's hard. I'm a coward. By definition not good at facing things. But, I'll try. **_

_**There is no part about walruses, you idiot. See what I mean about understanding things? I think his mom shot the dude, and then the little boy went to jail. I'm honestly not sure.**_

_**James knows what?**_

_**Loads of Love, **_

_**Zamira**_

* * *

_11/13_

_Zam,_

_Stop saying sorry. I was the one doing all the crap you're being sorry for, like judging, in the first place. _

_Yeah, well, take a break from getting ready and tell me next time. I don't like surprises. You still going out with him? I saw him come up to you after Runes. If so, what are you drinking that's hard enough to get you through DATING him? _

_I'm not jealous. Merely concerned for your well-being and your sanity. Nobody's in denial._

_Deal. But, that means you can't do that thing that you do. You know what I mean._

_You're not a coward. Hell, you're braver than half the girls I've ever met. You tell the truth. That's braver than 3/4 of the school._

_Maybe I'm just not a very good listener. That Or Elton John was also a fan of acid. Ha! You don't even understand it yourself! That's rich. So, what have you got to say for yourself, Miss I Know Everything?_

_James knows that Mystery Girl is Lily. He has since the ball. _

_You know, a long time ago you mentioned you were good at sneaking into other dormitories, like in other houses. Can you tell me how?_

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**11/15 **_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Ok. I'll stop being sorry. When will you start?**_

_**Are you serious? James KNOWS? But...Lily doesn't know. I have to tell her! She's gotta know. Why doesn't he just tell her? How did he figure it out in the first place?**_

_**You're going to have to get used to surprises, if you want to be my mate. I'm...sort of going out with him. I agreed to one more date, but I suspect I'm going to have to let him down easy. He's not really my type. Basically ignores the fact that I have a brain and tries to make my plans for me. The boy actually seems SURPRISED when I tell him off. Trust me, my firewhiskey flask is getting more use than ever. I need to end this before I get alcohol poisoning.**_

_**Oh, yes, so concerned for me. You didn't seem very concerned at all about me until I started kissing Finnegan. Funny coincidence, that.**_

_**No, I really don't know what you mean. What thing are you talking about?**_

_**That's sweet. Thanks. I've been riding my bike in the Forest, and I haven't died yet. Positive sign.**_

_**Nobody said I had to understand the whole song. I just had to FEEL something. **_

_**Sneaking into the other houses' dormitories isn't too hard, unless it's Ravenclaw, in which case I could assist you. All you need is the password, a girl willing to go up for you (if you're looking to get into the girls' dormitory), and a diversion. Can't have the teachers noticing you. Why do you ask? **_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_11/17_

_Zam,_

_One hell of a party yesterday, huh? With the lions and everything. I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Unfortunately, I had to pull off a heist. Thanks for telling me how to get into other houses, by the way. It came in handy. _

_Yes, James knows. It was pretty easy for him to figure out. When you stare at a girl for two years, I guess you know what color her eyes are. But, you CANNOT tell her. I did you a favor, now you're going to do one for me. James doesn't want her to know. He wants to coax her into meeting, first. He'll tell her soon, but you won't. It's not your secret to tell._

_Good. He's an arse. Let him fool around with some ditzy 5th year. He doesn't deserve you. Just pass me your flask sometime. Removes the temptation to drink. It's easier to break up with people when you're sober anyway._

_I thought you had good judgement before then. Now, I see you obviously need someone to make sure you make the right choices._

_That thing! Where you say something, and then you'll compliment me, but then you'll slip in an insult, and basically just make me feel all dizzy from all your back-and-forth. Now do you know what I mean?_

_Well, here's what I feel: You are such a liar. You act like you know everything, like you understand all of this, and I'm insignificant compared to your brilliance, when really you're no better than the rest of us. That's how I feel._

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**11/21**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**It was a great party. Unfortunately, guess who kept trying to drag me off to a corner and snog me the whole time. Yes, the arse formally known as Finnegan Lockwood. Well, I got tired of him being all pushy, so I broke it off. Right then and there. And, guess what? By the end, he was snogging Clarissa Donner, a ditzy 5th year. You were actually right about him. **_

_**Fine. But, tell James if Lily gets hurt, he's going to get his face broken. That's not a message from me, but from Marly. I'll second it, though. **_

_**Yeah, right. You know, you could ask me out, if you want me off Finnegan that bad. Monitor my judgement up close.**_

_**Oh, that thing. That's called feeling stupid, love. How's it working out for ya? **_

_**Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it's not real. I just try to make it look like it is. But, it's not like you don't hide behind your own mask. you're always pretending to be this lothario who's cool as ice, a stud. Well, you're not. You're just another cocky guy who wants to be cool and thinks he has to make out with a thousand girls to do it.**_

_**I don't think that's who you really are either. That's not who I see when I write these letters. If I come off as a self-righteous know-it-all, I'm sorry, i really am. I don't try to be.**_

_**Meet me this Thursday at 1 by the staircase. **_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_11/25_

_Zam,_

_How did you know yesterday was my birthday? More importantly, how did you clear a trail? Thank you. It was the best present I got, the lesson. Even if I fell off and bruised myself over and over again, I had a blast. When can we do it again? Unfortunately, I have to go home over break. But, I can apparate. Maybe I could meet you somewhere with the bike?_

_Hallelujah, The prat's finally gone. What took you so long? More importantly, why aren't you thanking me? I was right, as per usual, and as usual, no thanks in sight._

_Don't worry; James would never hurt Lily. He's too infatuated with her. You should hear the way he talks about her: Lily This, Lily That. I'm surprised he's had the self-control to wait through a whole month of knowing and not telling._

_Please. I think your judgment's been restored to full capacity. I may have to check on you, though. Make sure you aren't doing anything too stupid._

_I don't feel stupid. Just dazed and confused. They're completely different sensations._

_I know that. Maybe we all wear masks at this school, God bless those who don't. But, you aren't really that way. Maybe at first, but now...none of the things I said were true, Zam. None of em'. _

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**11/30**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I have my ways. I heard about it, and I thought you deserved a birthday present. So, yeah. The track's where I've been practicing. The practice bike is good on dirt too, so in case you went off the conjured up pavement, you wouldn't just stall. Though it might have been better if you had stalled, considering how hard you hit the tree. It's a good thing you weren't going fast, that's all I'm going to say. **_

_**Not over break. You have a hobo adventure to go on, remember? Though that'll only last one night. I'm not too sadistic. You been researching the Muggle money?**_

_**That's what I told Marly. She didn't seem satisfied, but I told her what I thought: Lily can do more damage to James than he can do to her. She seemed far happier after that.**_

_**Fine. But, you don't get to perform check-ups. You're not a doctor. I'll go see one if I want to be checked up on. **_

_**I thought I told you to stop denying things? Just embrace it, Black. That loopy feeling? It's here to stay as long as I'm around.**_

_**That's too kind. I know some of them were. But, I'm working on it. The mask is coming off. It's just a slow process.**_

_**Loads of Love, **_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_12/4_

_Zam,_

_Well, thanks. I had a good time, even when I hit the tree. I'm lucky I didn't have to go to the hospital wing. What would I have done to convince her I broke my nose in Charms? What's that spell you did?_

_About the Hobo adventure: I'm still hopelessly lost when it comes to Muggle culture. Would you mind coming with me? Grab a burger at McDonald's? You could show me Muggle London, so I'd know where I was staying, and then I could sleep on the street corner of my choosing. _

_You may be right about Lily and James. After all I've seen that girl do, I highly doubt she can get hurt. By the way, did you see Marly with Finnegan? _

_Fine, then. I'll just guard you. Make sure you don't talk to anyone who might disturb your fragile sanity. Like all of Finnegan's lot. They'll mess you right up._

_God, can I get rid of you then? Feeling loopy is maddening. _

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

_**12/8**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**The spell was called Episkey. You could've always told her one of your many exes slugged you in the face. That's actually plausible (and would've been really, really, funny). **_

_**Wait...Are you asking me on a DATE? Like with food and sight-seeing and everything? I need to know before I give my answer.**_

_**Yes. Marly's already done with him though; I told her how clingy he was and she backed off right away. Now she's with that Abbott fellow. He's a bit more dependable.**_

_**Guarding me? What, you don't trust me to protect myself? Besides, I'm pretty sure the only people you'd be "guarding" me from are all the other boys in our year.**_

_**No, sorry. Looks like you're stuck with me.**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_12/11_

_Zam,_

_Sure, it's a date. The sixteenth at three? We can meet outside the Leaky Cauldron and you can take over navigation from there, since I have no clue where anything is in London, except Big Ben. Yes or no?_

_Alright, so maybe my guarding was more selfish than anything...But, can you blame me?_

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

__**12/13**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I thought you'd never ask. Yes. See you soon! **_

_**No, I really can't. I would protest, but I can't say I mind, what with it being you doing the guarding.**_

_**I'm actually excited to go to a grubby fast-food joint and have a burger. Wow. You have quite the effect on a girl, Black.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

**So, what did you think? R&R! Next: Remus and AB's fall term!**


	5. Remus and AB: Fall Term

**Thank you all for all the reviews! I saw today I'd crossed 1,000 readers, which helped give me the inspiration to finish this chapter. I'm a bit nervous about it, so please review and tell me what you think. Enjoy!**

**(As a side note, boredom and writer's block led me to creating a couple of sets of what Mystery Girl and Zamira's ball outfits looked like. If you're curious, I'll have the links on my profile page.)**

* * *

10/2

AB,

Fine. Let's start over, then. I'm Remus. You are?

-RL

* * *

10/3

RL,

Remus? Remus Lupin, right? The studious, stuffy, Marauder. I dated your friend once. The hot one. Sirius something or other.

I suppose I should introduce myself too...but I'm tired. That'll have to be saved for later. You're supposed to be a genius, though. You probably already know who I am. I am kind of infamous around here.

-AB

* * *

10/4

AB,

I'm NOT stuffy. I thought you said you'd lay off the insults. Congratulations on you and Sirius. You're one of the lucky hundred or so girls who've dated him.

You're really getting on my last nerve, you know that? But, fine, I'll play your little game. Infamous, lazy, AB...Mia Bones?

Give me a proper answer next time, please. I know you're busy sleeping off your firewhiskey habit, but at least make an effort.

-Remus

* * *

10/6

Remus,

Fine. As much as I hate work, I'll try. McGonagall said this was the only thing standing between me and a failing grade. Even I can't ignore that.

However, the first thing you have to know about me: I'll NEVER stop insulting you. I have no respect for the straight-laced go-getters. I come from a family of straight-laced go-getters. 6 brothers and sisters, each of them more of a rule-abiding prat than the last. So, sorry, love. As long as you write me, I'm going to pick on you.

I know by now you're shaking your head. Don't deny it. I know exactly what you're thinking. "Oh, poor me, stuck writing to the crazy school slut. I could've gotten somebody dull and normal, but no, I'm stuck with this mad girl." Well, you're not my cup of tea either. Except for your detention records and obvious frustration with me, you have no noticeable personality. None whatsoever. I like challenges. I like explosions. I like passion. The one thing I don't like: Anti-climax, And that, my friend, is exactly what you are. A living, breathing, anti-climax. Seeing your record, I'd expect this wild child daredevil, but all I get is a big can of boring in an attractive package. So, suck it up, man. I'll stop being the crazy school slut (well, maybe not the slut part) when you start showing me a little personality.

Don't call me Mia, by the way. The only people allowed to call me Mia are my friends and boyfriends, of which you are neither. (Plus, I hate that nickname anyway.) Call me Bones. And, I may be many things: A whore, a tease, a ditz, and a questionable human being, but I am not an alcoholic. That's a despicable thing to say. Not that I haven't said worse, but still.

Ok, I'm done with my "The Reasons You Suck" letter. Bye now! Be interesting!

-Bones

* * *

10/7

Bones,

You know, you may be the biggest jerk I've ever met. I know you're everyone's dream girl and all that, but I've never seen the appeal, and now I know why. You're the bitchiest girl I've ever seen in my life. How you managed to climb so far on the social ladder is beyond me. Perhaps you slept your way to the top?

However, I must say, you're a good guesser. I WAS shaking my head by that point in the letter, and I was thinking something along the lines of what you wrote. I've never thought you were crazy, though. Crazy implies you don't know exactly what you're doing. But, I have a different theory. I remember you from way back, Bones. When we were in third year, you were one of the few people who could outscore me on anything. You were a frigging genius. I think you still are. You simply apply your brain to lesser pursuits, like popularity and torturing people. A family of straight-laced prats doesn't produce a fool. 

I'm insulted, I admit. But, I'm not giving in. The whole reason you're doing this is to get a reaction. In some strange, twisted, way, you think I'm this lab rat you can make do whatever you want. But, I'm not taking the bait. I'll stay boring as sin, thank you very much. I like it this way.

I will, however, offer you a challenge, in accordance to what you said: Be someone other than the wild child. Try to be the resident saint, and I'll take up the role of a bad boy, and play it to your heart's desire. You just have to clean up first.

Fine, you're not an alcoholic. That's just about the only thing you aren't. 

-Remus

* * *

10/8

Remus,

Ah, now that was satisfying. Perhaps not quite the all-out rage I was hoping for, but certainly interesting. Yes, I'm a bitch. I won't deny it. But, I'm not an amateur. Silly boy, you think in all these years, I haven't learned at least a little something about pretending to be someone else? I can be anyone I want, The recluse, the geek, the princess, the jock. I just choose to be the It Girl. As for the appeal, I'm an enigma. The girl who wears the too-short skirts and the black streak in her hair who has the Mona-Lisa smile. They all want to solve the mystery. Then, I get bored with them, and move on to someone else. It's a never-ending cycle. You think the boys would have figured me out by now, but they seem as cluelessly enamored as ever.

It's not a guess. It's my keen insight into the minds of suck-ups like yourself. Either that or I'm psychic. I must say, you impressed me with your memory. Few seem to know that I was one of those suck-ups just a few short years ago. But, yes, I fell off the academic wagon. I decided social science was more interesting than the magical kind. However, I wouldn't say they're lesser pursuits. They teach me just as well, they just teach me different things.

You ALREADY did what I wanted. You called me a bitch. You questioned me. You called me out on my past. You've done something other than be all dull and cheerful. It's WONDERFUL. Yes, I'm sick and twisted. I like to play games and people are my favorite pawns, But, I can't resist, They're too easy to manipulate,

Hmm...you know, I had been thinking that my persona was getting boring. I've been a ditzy tramp for two years now. It feels too easy. So...fine. I'll become Saint Amelia. But, you have to be as much a sinner as I am a saint. I'll tell you how to act; I've had lots of practice.

-Bones

* * *

10/10

Bones,

I take it back. You aren't just a bitch. You're a diabolical mastermind. Seriously. Your last letter was like something out of a movie. Have you considered going into acting? 

Your transformation was quite impressive. No black streak, no nose ring, skirt at appropriate length. You looked like the sweetest little angel to ever walk the halls of Hogwarts. You even managed to break up with your Boyfriend of the Minute before he took whatever's left of your dignity. But, the question is can you keep it up? Can you actually last as a boring stick-in-the-mud?

Which reminds me, for this task, you'll have to focus on academics for a bit, sorry. Part of being a goody-goody is getting good grades. Shouldn't be too hard for you, considering you're a certified genius and all that. 

You are the most sick girl. Playing with people? Honestly? People aren't things, Bones. They can't be shoved around, not without consequences. 

So, I suppose since you've taken the first step, I have to as well. What should I do?

-Remus

* * *

10/11

Remus,

Thank you, thank you very much. I try. I've considered acting, but I don't want be famous. You can't be whoever you want when you're famous. You have to be the person the people want. I only live to please one person: Myself.

I know, right? It was quite fun, being stared at for wearing a respectable outfit, for once. The nicest part was all their jaws still dropped. Including yours. Don't pretend otherwise, I saw you staring. Don't worry about me not being able to keep up the charade; I don't give up too easily. My main concern is you. You'll balk at the first slut that comes on to you. Lord, I wish it was Sirius playing this game. He knows the art of being bad. And, you know, he's hot. You might be too, if you stopped wearing those sweater-vests.

Oh, no, no, no. We'll take this one move at a time. You transform yourself, and I'll transform my schoolwork. I'm not going whole-hog unless I know you're doing it too. Otherwise, what's the point? I could be as much of a slag as my heart desires.

I know. It's just that those consequences don't usually impact ME. I'm incredibly skilled at wriggling out of things, especially trouble. How do you think I've managed to keep up such a brilliant charade all these years?

I dressed like a saint, so you dress like a sinner. Look at Sirius and James and any of the Slytherins for pointers.

-Bones

* * *

10/12

Bones,

Figures. You'd be a perfect actress with that attitude. You could climb to the top without a second thought. You don't seem the type to care about stepping on fingers.

I only stared because I haven't seen you look like you did in ages. So...normal. Ordinarily, you look like a first-class piece of jailbait. I take offense to that! I don't give up easily either. However, if you want Sirius, you'll get Sirius. He already has a pen-pal, some girl named Zamira, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind another pretty girl writing to him.

You can't wriggle out of everything, Bones. Someday, somehow, it'll catch up with you.

Did you like the attire today? I thought it was very reminiscent of Sirius, the unbuttoned collar, the leather jacket, the messy hair. But, I suppose it's your judgement that counts. 

I had a question after reading your last letter: Are you as heartless as you seem, or is it all just another smokescreen, another mask?

-Remus

* * *

10/14

Remus,

WOW. You weren't kidding around, were you? That was one heck of a change. A lot of girls eyes' just about bugged out of their heads, mine included. Bad boys are always hot, but good boys gone bad? Mr. Lupin, I guarantee soon you will have more girls at your door than you've ever had in your life.

Normal was the goal. Though jailbait's a fun look. Trying to turn that into something respectable, on the other hand, is not. A lot of boys look at me like they're expecting me to rip off the sweet little schoolgirl clothes and reveal my Playboy bunny suit or something. Hopefully, they'll realize they're going to be disappointed soon enough, before one of them does something stupid. Finn actually asked me what was WRONG today. Like my trend toward tastefulness was something terrible. Oh, well. Finn was never the smartest boyfriend to begin with. He only lasted as long as he did because he didn't care if I cheated (because he did it too). I had a slut reputation to maintain, even with a light switch relationship. (Light switch relationship-on again/off again, in case you didn't understand the joke. I don't think you took your idiot pills today, so I assume you do.)

Actually, I'm pretty satisfied with you as a pen-pal. Things may have started off slow, but I think they're getting going. You're not as dull as I first thought, Remus. And you have loads more wit than the average bloke, something I can always appreciate. Sirius probably has his hands full with Knight, anyway. I hear she can be quite the wild child.

Alright, I've taken the next step. I talked to Sprout, and she set me up with a tutor for all my subjects. I'm going to meet with him in "intensive sessions" three times a week, for two hours. It'll ruin my social agenda, but I suppose saints don't need them. They're too busy praying and helping the hungry and all that junk. His name is John Abbott, but Sprout says everyone calls him JC. What kind of name is that?

In answer to your question...no, no I don't think I am. I remember who I am, like this distant dream. This girl who was spunky and sassy, sure, but she was good too. She was loyal and kind. I just lost her, hiding behind this permanent mask of a slag who'll do anything to get what she wants. I don't regret the change; it was the only way to get ahead. I've never felt too bad over the things I've done. But, in a weird way, I'm hoping my road to sainthood leads me back to her.

-Bones

* * *

10/16

Bones,

Thanks. Samantha Price actually came up and asked if I wanted to grab a bite with her. Isn't she one of your mates? All I know is she's one of those girls who won't settle for anything less than James or Sirius, so the fact that she asked me out is actually flattering. I turned her down, but somehow I don't think Sam Price is the type who takes no for an answer. This is your area of expertise, isn't it? What should I do?

Finnegan's always been a prat. I'm surprised he doesn't just follow you around like a puppy, considering how infatuated he is with you. Or perhaps he just needs you for your brain. You DID do all the thinking for him for almost a year. But, stay with it. You look the part. Now, you just need to act it.

I'm not sure how I feel about having you as a pen-pal. I think underneath the cold exterior, maybe, just maybe, you have a heart. But, I haven't confirmed it yet. You are certainly an interesting bird.

So, how's JC working out for you? You learning anything? I saw you two in the library, and he had the oddest look on his face. What did you do to him, Bones?

Good. Perhaps there is something good underneath all that ice. 

-Remus

* * *

10/18

Remus,

Sammy Price? You lucky dog, you. I think the next step is obvious. Accept the invitation. Sam Price is one of the most highly sought-after girls in school. Your window of opportunity is limited, so I suggest you act fast. Invite her to go with you to Hogsmeade this weekend. Take her to the Three Broomsticks; Puddifoot's is for third-date sweethearts and Hog's Head is just gross. A word of warning: The girl isn't much of a conversationalist. She likes to get down to business. Not that that should be much of a problem for you, being a bad boy extraordinaire.

Hey, don't hate on Finn. He may be a git, but he's not a bad guy. He tries hard. I know he gets a bad rap, being a ladies' man and all, yet he DOES know how to treat a girl. He just doesn't have the patience to stick with one at a time. I consider him a close friend, and I don't like to hear my friends being insulted, Mr. Lupin.

I'm NOT that heartless. Sure, I may be selfish and a little cold, but I have a heart just like everyone else. I cry at sad movies. I like puppies. I care about my friends. I know I can be a little caustic at first, but it'll get better. This is my scare act. It gets rid of the wimpy boys. So, my question is, are you a wimpy pen-pal?

JC is incredible. He didn't take any of my crap. He may be the first boy ever to reject my flirtation. But, I can wear him down. I like a challenge. He was pretty nice. Gently guided me toward the answers on the homework he helped me with. Made some funny jokes. I like him already, and that's after one session. So, at least one good thing has come out of this experiment.

The tutoring thing reminded me, though: If I'm improving my study habits, you have to let yours go. I won't make you go to the extremes I did, but keep your grades in check with Black's, He never does any work from what I can tell, but his grades stay in the normal range.

Tell me how your date with Sammy goes. I'm bursting with anticipation.

-Bones

* * *

10/22

Bones,

So, I did what you told me. Asked Sam to come with me to the Three Broomsticks this weekend. She said yes without hesitation. I picked her up at the door, rode in a carriage with her, and made small talk. You're right, she really isn't much for talking. I was able to hold her off until we got a booth at the restaurant, but after that...well we didn't do much talking. It's strange, to snog someone you really don't know at all. Does it ever get any better?

Fine, I'll lay off. But, why are you such close friends with the guy? I thought you broke up in a rather loud, messy, fashion, if the scene in the 5th floor corridor last year was any indication.

I'm no wimp. I'm not scared of you, Mia. Annoyed? Sure. Amused? Yeah. But, not scared. You can't hurt me.

Glad you like him. It'll make the improvement process easier. Fine, I'll let my grades slip a bit. I haven't done any Charms homework in four days. I think my average is becoming more...well, average by the minute. But, I can't screw things up too badly. Next year's NEWTs, and I'm not getting thrown out of any classes.

Sam sits by me at dinner now. Does this mean we're dating?

-Remus

* * *

10/25

Remus,

It sounds like you had a nice time. No, Sammy doesn't think you're dating. In her world, snogging does not equal dating. You won't be dating until you do something "romantic" like going ice skating when the lake freezes over, or lunching at Puddifoot's, or going to the ball. Right now, she's just marking her territory. Making sure her fellow slags know that you're hers. It'll get better. Soon, you'll be able to snog people, and feel nothing for them at all. Just lust. Also, if you think you'll ever really get to know Sam, you're mistaken. Sammy's future husband probably won't know anything about the girl except the taste of her lips.

That was just a bad day. Tensions ran high. Particularly biting insults were made. We got a bit too mad at each other. The hexes wore off. No harm, no foul. It was just an illustration of why our relationship didn't work: We were too alike. We drove each other up the wall. But, we patched things up after that. We're friends now. Turning over a new leaf and all that.

I don't just like him, I love him. He asked me out for coffee tomorrow. I knew my feminine charms would win him over. I'm hoping he'll ask me to the ball, if things go well. Speaking of, are you going to ask Sammy? She'll probably start dropping hints soon.

I didn't say you just had to fail. I just said you had to be average. (Very lame pun by the way.) It's probably one and the same in your mind, but trust me. You'll be fine.

-Mia

* * *

10/27

Mia,

So, am I finally allowed to call you Mia now, since that's how you signed your letter? Are you actually (dare I say it) warming up to my boring good-guy personality?

I asked Sam to the ball today. She squealed and jumped all around and then gave me a snog. Then, she just flounced off with your lot. (or what used to be your lot. I don't see you with them as much.) and I haven't seen her since. For a girl who's now my semi-girlfriend, she seems to care less than ever. I think you're right, about me never knowing her. She really doesn't say much, does she? But, whenever she's with your lot, it looks like she won't stop talking. Why's that?

I'll never understand the whole love-hate thing. Your thing with Finnegan has made that clear to me. I just don't get liking someone one minute and then thinking they're bastards. You should like them or you shouldn't. Simple as that.

So, you going to the ball with your tutor? I think I saw you come back with him yesterday. You both looked happy. I took it as a good sign.

Fine, I'll be average. I got detention today for all my incompletes. Flitwick said it was "unlike me." In fact, he claimed I hadn't been myself for a couple of weeks. Does this mean you've succeeded in corrupting me?

-Remus

* * *

10/30

Remus,

I suppose you can call me Mia now. But, don't flatter yourself, Lupin. I'm only letting you call me that because I'm in a good mood, and I suppose I owe you a favor, since you said I should improve my grades, and that's how I met JC.

Sam doesn't talk a lot to boys, because she buys into Rule #57 of the Slag Code: Girls are for talking. Boys are for snogging. As for the reason she doesn't really acknowledge you anymore, that's because she wants to keep you around. If she spends every minute with you, you'll get bored. But, if she's never around, you'll want her more, so you won't break up with her. It sounds rather silly, but it's how my ex-lot operates. I don't really hang out with them anymore; they'd only drag down my new good-girl image. It's unfortunate, since I was the only one with brains in the bunch. I'm not sure how they'll get on without me.

It's more complicated than that. Someday you'll figure it out. The most special people are the ones who you love despite how much they infuriate you. (That's not to say I love Finn. He just infuriates me most of the time. I don't know why I keep him around.)

Yes, yes I am! We had a good time at Madam Puddifoot's. He's really funny, did you know that? It was the most time I've ever spent just talking on a date. But, yeah, he asked me right before we went our separate ways. I'm really excited. JC's...well, he's special, you know? Different.

I'm not corrupting you. I'm merely showing you a different lifestyle, and its consequences. You don't have to stop doing all your homework, though. That's a bit extreme.

I'll see you at the ball.

-Mia

* * *

11/2

Mia,

Oh, I see. Well, I'll take what I can get I suppose. At least you've stopped insulting me in every other sentence. 

The ball was...interesting. Was I the only one not having a good time? Now I know why Sam doesn't talk very much. I think the giant squid has more personality. Are all of your lot that vapid? I think I'll have to break up with her. Can you break up with someone you aren't technically in a relationship with? We never really established the status of our relationship. We've only known each other about a week and a half.

Your ex-lot is one odd bunch. Do you actually have a code, or was that just a joke? I honestly couldn't tell. 

It doesn't look like JC infuriates you, but you seem pretty crazy about him, if the ball was any indication. (Did you ever let the guy up for air?) You don't need to have a love-hate relationship to be happy. (By the way, you said Finn infuriates you, and the letter before you called him a close friend. Which is it?)

That lifestyle happens to be full of slags, detentions, and poor marks. I call that corruption, Bones. 

-Remus

* * *

11/5

Remus,

How do you know I haven't been insulting you? Perhaps I'm just very subtle.

I think you were the only one. Everyone else seemed satisfied. Well, except for Sirius Black. But, that's just because his girlfriend was making out with Finn. If I were him, I wouldn't have been happy either. Sam's actually on the better end of the vapid scale when it comes to them. Sad, isn't it?

Just end it if you're that unhappy. Doesn't matter what you're calling it. It hasn't been a very long relationship; she won't take it too hard. Be gentle, all right? But not too gentle. That would ruin your reputation.

I never said all happy relationships had to have a love-hate thing. It just adds a different dynamic to the relationship. A spark. JC and I have so much spark after two dates we don't even need it. (HE was the one not letting me up for air.) As for Finn, we go back and forth. Today, I think he's a bastard. Tomorrow, who knows? It's why we didn't work out so well.

There's a code, but it's more guidelines than actual rules. We all just manipulated it to suit our needs. But, yes, there was a code. Even slags have some honor.

I'm not corrupting you. It was my mistake, thinking you could stay pure in a world full of such temptation. But, I'm not the one dragging you down. They are.

-Mia

* * *

11/8

Mia,

Well, I did it. I broke up with her. She didn't cry, that was good. She just gave me this angry look, yelled "FINE!" and ran off. That wasn't so good. I felt pretty bad about the whole thing. I didn't think she'd take it that badly, since we've only been together a couple of weeks.

Wow, she's on the BETTER end? Scary. Sirius doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment. Did you mean Zamira? She's just his pen-pal. 

Yes, it adds a spark. But, that spark tends to turn into a forest fire when the couple gets angry with each other. (You and Finn need to make up your minds already. How finicky can a person get?) 

Speaking of temptation, you haven't updated me on your progress lately. Are you still Saint Amelia?

-Remus

* * *

11/11

Remus,

Good for you. Don't worry; Sam isn't really upset. It's just her pride that's been wounded. She's not used to having someone break up with her. She's usually the one doing the breaking-up. Sammy will be with someone new within four days, I guarantee it.

Oh, yeah. She's JUST his pen-pal. Because we all give venomous glares to the boys our pen-pals kiss. We all get dark looks on our faces when his name is mentioned. We all stare at our pen-pal just a little too long. That's normal.

I hate Finnegan Lockwood. For real. Today in the Great Hall, I got a package, something I'd been waiting months for. He knew that too, exactly how long it had taken for me to get my hands on it. So, this morning, he comes right up and NICKS IT FROM ME! Now, he's keeping it in the Slytherin dorms, and I can't get in there. He's on his guard, so it's not like I can hex him into submission and get him to get it for me.

But, I did have an idea...You're a Marauder. You know everything about the school. Could you and your pals get it back for me? It would be in the Slytherin 6th year boys dormitory, a small red box. It's REALLY important. I'd be eternally grateful. Please?

Yes, I'm still as saintly as ever. Good grades, teacher's pet, respectable clothes, kind, sensitive boyfriend. Don't you worry your little head about me, Remus. I'm fine.

-Mia

* * *

11/14

Mia,

You were right. Sam's already found some new boy. I feel strangely relieved. It just confirms it was only a matter of pride. If it had been any worse than that, I would've felt terrible. I really don't like hurting people, especially girls.

Look, Sirius would've said something if they were together. Maybe he likes her...then again, maybe he just really hates Finnegan. I wouldn't blame him. He's a git.

Fine. I'm not sure why I'm risking suspension for you, but I'll do it. Sirius, James, and I are planning as we speak. We've decided to nick it on the 19th. I'll return it to you sometime after that. Sound good?

I do worry about you, Mia. Mainly, I worry about your sanity and your taste in friends.

-Remus

* * *

11/17

Remus,

Told you she would. Don't get too busted up about it. Nobody really got hurt here. She's probably already forgotten your name.

Silly, silly, Remus. He likes her. He never had any beef with Finnegan...until Finn started up with Knight. That's why Finn's still going after Knight, even after she slapped him. He knows it irks Sirius.

Thank you so much! Honestly, I thought I'd never be able to get that thing back. You're fabulous, love. You can get it, I know you can. I have faith in you. Tell me how it goes in your next letter. You don't have to hang onto it. Just mail it to me.

You're a regular comedian there, Lupin. So, how's being bad going?

-Mia

* * *

11/20

Mia,

Well, we did it. We managed to get it back. It was a long mission, and a grueling one, but we got it. I'm still not exactly sure how we did it.

First, we used some of those spells McGonagall taught us to change our appearance, and got the house-elves to bring us some Slytherin robes. After that, we used the password (which Sirius got, somehow) on the door (thank the Lord they didn't have a portrait guarding it like they do in Gryffindor). Then, we just walked down this long, winding hallway to the actual common room, trying our best to look like we'd done this a million times. Nobody seemed to question us being there, the idiots. For a lot that's supposed to be cunning, they aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. 

The common room was large and very green. The dorms were off to the left, and we had to sprint over there, because some girl finally seemed to notice she'd never seen us before, and was starting to walk over. Sirius picked the lock on the door to the dormitory (Who magically locks their dormitories? How paranoid are they?), and we only gave ourselves about ten minutes after that to look. The red box was right in the top drawer, and is now safely residing in the Gryffindor boys dormitory. 

So, that's how we went about getting your box back. No, I'm not going to mail it to you. What if he just nicks it back? I'm not getting it again. That was HARD. It involved a lot of running. We had to create a huge diversion to make sure none of the Slytherins were there. We had to get a password. No way are we doing it all over again. I'll give it to you in person. So, what exactly is in the box?

Being bad's going fine. I just committed my first federal offense: Breaking and entering. I could get arrested. I could get expelled. You have most definitely corrupted me, Miss Bones.

-Remus

* * *

11/23

Remus,

THANK YOU! You're the most amazing person I've ever met. I suppose that means you missed the party. Shame. It was wild. JC missed it too. He says he wants to see me tonight. I think he might be giving me something. We've dated for nearly a month now.

No need to give it to me in person. I'll keep it safe. Just owl it to me. Finn just caught me off guard last time. I won't let him do it again.

What's in the box? It's a present. My mum sent it to me. I've wanted it for a long time. I'm surprised she remembered. I don't usually get many presents from my mum. That's why it's special. Finn knew it too. He only nicked it because he's mad at me over JC.

Oh, get over it. Breaking and entering is a minor offense. You'd get 5-10 years at worst. Man up, Remus.

-Mia

* * *

11/27

Mia,

You're welcome. I probably wouldn't have gone to the party anyway. It sounded a bit too wild and crazy for my liking. How'd your date go? I'm impressed, Mia. You've managed to stay with one guy for a whole month. You even seem to like him. 

No, I'm not owling it to you. It doesn't matter what you want. I'm not going through that again. I'll give it to you in person. Just pick a date.

Oh. That's nice. I feel kind of ashamed now. I assumed the worst. I thought it was Amortentia or something from Knockturn Alley. The type of things you used to like. You really have changed a lot, haven't you? I'm sorry, Mia. I'll get it back to you soon, I promise.

It would ruin my permanent record. I have plans after Hogwarts, you know. I can't go and screw everything up now.

-Remus

* * *

12/1

Remus,

Well, I know what JC wanted to see me about. We broke up that night. Merlin, I feel awful. I think I've cried all the tears a girl can cry. It sounds silly, but...I really, really, liked him. He was the first boy I'd ever been with who treated me like I was a person. Everyone else just saw what I did with them as business. He cared. I've never had anyone care.

But, he said it "just wasn't working." We were "too different." I think it had more to do with Sadie McKinley, the girl I saw him with today. Now I know how all the boys I dumped felt after I started dating someone else the next day. It's bloody awful. I feel like I got tossed in the trash.

I have changed a lot, now that I think about it. I have a heart again. Old me would've just laughed it off. Hell, old me wouldn't have wasted time on a boy like JC. I think I liked being that way better. Nobody could hurt you.

I forgive you for thinking that. I was rather vague. I don't want to meet you right now to get it back. I'm a mess. Maybe in a couple of weeks.

It's sad, isn't it? The ice queen conquered by one month with a half-decent guy. I'm pathetic.

-Mia

* * *

12/3

Mia,

God, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It sucks, I know it does. You just have to remember, it's for the best. You'll find someone else. You're pretty, you're smart, you're funny, and any guy who doesn't want you is a fool. 

He's an arse. Nobody should do that to people. At least you won't do it again to those guys, now that you know what it feels like. Something good will come out of something bad.

You're better now, Mia. Before, you were cold and heartless. Now...you're a million times better. I actually like you. I used to think you were a bitch. Maybe it hurts to have a heart, but it's better than feeling numb every second of your life.

I'll wait as long as you want. It's safe for right now. It can stay put.

You're not pathetic. Everybody hurts sometimes, even the ice queen. It's not your fault the ice melted and the guy decided to be a prat and dump you. In my opinion, it's his loss.

-Remus

* * *

12/7

Remus,

Thanks. You're a good friend, Remus. I know I was horrible in the beginning, but you stuck around. I'm glad you did. You helped me a lot.

He is an arse. A stuck-up, know-it-all, arse. That's my mantra nowadays, whenever I see him. It keeps me from doing anything stupid, like hexing him. I feel more angry than sad now. Hopefully, acceptance comes next?

Wow. Thanks. I never thought I'd see the day that we were actually nice to each other. Are pigs flying? I suppose feeling like this is better than feeling numb. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all and all that junk.

How about we meet on the 14th? In the morning in Hogsmeade? Puddifoot's? I'll make sure we get to the train on time, don't worry.

Thanks. I guess I'll just have to choose the guy more wisely next time.

-Mia

* * *

12/10

Mia,

I'm glad I stuck around too. I would've laughed a lot less, without all your antics. You'll get over JC soon. He's a prat, and you were way out of his league anyway.

I think they may be. Hagrid was trying out a new hybrid thing. That's the spirit. Having no emotion would be terrible. How would you live? You'd never get to be happy, even if you were never sad.

The 14th sounds great. I'll be there, 10 AM. The train leaves at 1, right?

-Remus

* * *

12/13

Remus,

I'm glad I amused you. I would've missed educating you on the ways of girls. You were laughably uninformed.

I don't know how you get by without emotion. Looking back, I can't remember how I did it. Never being joyful...it sounds awful. Right now, I'm happier than I've been in a while. JC's barely a blip on the radar.

See you at 10 tomorrow! Remember the box!

Love,

Mia

* * *

**R&R! Next the new semester begins!**


	6. The Holiday Mail

**Sorry this chapter took longer. I was distracted by school and inspiration for my other story, which I just finished chapter 1 of. But, I promise that this story will continue to be updated, it just may take a little longer. Thank you for the many wonderful reviews, alerts, and favorites. In response to Professor of Pig-latin's question, JC stands for Jonathan Christopher. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Dear Students,

We hope you're enjoying your holiday break! Just a reminder that we want you to send at least three letters to your pen-pal over this period. Just send them to Hogwarts, and we will owl them to the proper address. FAILURE TO DO THIS WILL COUNT AS MISSING ASSIGNMENTS, AND WILL RESULT IN DISCIPLINARY ACTION.

Happy Christmas!

-The Staff

* * *

_12/17_

_James,_

_I hope you're having a good laugh right now. Potter. You won. Congratulations. You fooled silly little Lily Evans into thinking you cared. Ha ha ha._

_I don't know what to say, James. Part of me wants to believe in you, in Mystery Boy. I want to believe you weren't faking it. But, the other part, the sensible one, it knows you. It knows this is the kind of thing you'd pull. _

_I wish I could know which part is right. Because, if it's the first, I completely misjudged you. But, if it's the second...well I'll take what's left of my dignity and go, thanks._

_I'm pulling for the first part._

_Lily_

_

* * *

_

_**12/17**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Well. That was one hell of a Hobo Adventure. Even if we kind of vetoed the whole Hobo part. There were more important pursuits.**_

_**I don't really remember seeing very much. We went to Big Ben, yes? And of course, McDonald's. How was your Big Mac? Next time, we can visit Burger King. Compare and contrast. **_

_**There will be a next time, yeah? I don't usually let boys snog me like that without confirming. Meet me at Florean Fortescue's in two days time?**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

Dear Miss Bones,

Just a reminder: You need to send THREE letters to your pen-pal over break. Missing these letters will count as missed assignments.

Happy holidays!

-The Staff

* * *

**12/19**

**Dear Lily,**

**It was never a joke, Lil. How would I have known from the very beginning who you are? I had no clue, same as you. I only just figured it out after the ball. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me. I didn't want to force a meeting by revealing I knew who you were, I wanted to wait until you wanted to. **

**I know I've done some stupid stuff in the past. I haven't always been the nicest guy. But, people change, Lil. **

**I won't blame you if you give up on me, right now. I'll just say you never got to hear the full story.**

**But, if you still have a little faith in me...I'll take Veritaserum for you. I'll let you do what you need to do to figure out I'm telling the truth.**

**I really do care about you, Lil. Please believe me. You believed in me when I was Mystery Boy. Why should James be any different?**

**Hoping,**

**James**

**

* * *

**_12/20_

_Zam,_

_Yeah, we can do that again. We can definitely do that again. How about we stop going places, though? I'm perfectly content to stay in one place and keep snogging. Stick with what we're good at, yeah?_

_I visited St. Mungo's today. They said Peter's expected to be out by February. That was pretty good news. But, James and Remus brought the mood down. James is moping because Lily doesn't trust him. Remus...well, Remus is just really quiet. Won't say anything about what's upset him. He's been this way all break. I'm not worried; he'll bounce back. I just wish both of them would snap out of it._

_The Big Mac was pretty good. That special sauce stuff made it way better. What's Burger King?_

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

12/20

James,

Sorry if you were confused by the AB on the front. I just stuck that on there so I could get credit for the pen-pal assignment. I can't flunk out now.

I know you and Sirius are worried about me, but I'm fine. There was some drama at the beginning of break, but it'll blow over soon. No big deal. 

So, just writing this to say I'm not going to be available the rest of break. Pass it on to Sirius. I'm going to be in Ireland, at Dad's. Do me a favor, and submit a note to somebody with AB on the front every once in a while, yeah? I still need credit for the assignment.

See you in January,

Moony

* * *

_12/21_

_James,_

_I can't say I trust in you entirely. But, I did trust Mystery Boy. So, I'll meet with you, James. I'll let you argue your case. I owe you that much._

_I think you're telling the truth. I really do. There's something in me that believes you can't write to someone like you wrote to me and not care at least a little bit for them. With the frozen yogurt and the lions and all our jokes. The way you make fun of me, but you do it in a nice sort of way. I can't look at all of that without thinking you must care a little bit._

_The reason James is different from Mystery Boy is because I've known James a long time. I've strongly disliked him a long time. I can't just flip a switch and erase the past 5 years, James. I really wish I could. But, they'll always be there. _

_Meet me in the corridor with the empty classrooms at four. Christmas Eve._

_Lily_

* * *

_**12/21**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Glad to hear you enjoyed it as much as I did. Easy, tiger. We'll have plenty of time for that, and seeing stuff. You want to meet up in a couple of days in Hogsmeade? I have some last minute shopping to do. Three Broomsticks? I'll be Flooing there. I can't wait until February, when I'll finally be able to take my Apparating test. **_

_**Lily will come around. I've heard her venting about it. She's just scared this will all be some big trick. She's heard the rumor that's going around, about some guy using his pen-pal to make his girlfriend jealous. The staff should've known this would happen, making a bunch of hormonal kids write to each other. They're lucky the school hasn't exploded yet.**_

_**I know, right? The special sauce is the only thing that makes it worth eating. Burger King makes burgers too, they just call them Whoppers. I personally like those more.**_

_**so, Christmas...lovely time, isn't it? Peace, goodwill, presents for pretty girls...You got one for me yet?**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

Dear Miss Bones,

You've now missed two letter check-ins. Missing another will result in disciplinary action. If you'd like to request a new pen-pal, please contact your head of house. Both you and your pen-pal must agree to the switch. If not, please send us two letters, and we will dispatch them to your pen-pal as soon as possible. We're sure they're anxious to hear from you!

Happy Christmas!

-The Staff

* * *

**12/23**

**Dear Lily,**

**I'll be there tomorrow. Anything I need to bring? Veritaserum? Chocolates? Yogurt? A chew toy for Duchess?**

**I care about you a little bit. I care about you a lot more than a little bit. But, I care about you a little bit, too. As for switch-flipping, maybe it's more like a sliding switch than a regular one. Those ones where you dim the room gradually instead of all at once. I don't think anyone just flips a switch and feels anything. It's too sudden. **

**Seeing you soon,**

**James**

* * *

_12/23 _

_Zam,_

_I'm sending this letter without clearing it so it'll get to you on time. There's your present. Happy Christmas. _

_I'll see you at the Three Broomsticks. But, how do you know that we'll have a lot of time? The apocalypse could come tomorrow. We need to snog while we can, or else when the world explodes, we'll regret it. _

_Yeah, James said he was seeing her tomorrow. Hopefully, she comes around. He's survived worse, but...he really wants Evans to like him. I heard about that one too. It was one of Finnegan's groupies, if I heard right. Speaking of, I saw Lockwood and some blonde together the other day. It wasn't you, was it? _

_That special sauce was pretty damn good, though. What's on a Whopper? _

_Dream on, Knight. Presents? Isn't my charming presence and supreme snogging ability enough?_

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_

**12/23 **

**Moony,**

**I know we're not supposed to be owling you, with you being in Ireland or whatever, but we had to ask anyway:**

_What happened to you, man?_

**You've been down in the dumps all week. Now, you jet off to Ireland without telling anyone, and you won't be back until January. It's not normal. What are you going to do on the full moon? Run out in the forest and eat the defenseless bunnies?**

_Think of the poor bunnies, Moony. THE POOR BUNNIES!_

**So, instead of going and eating bunnies and leaving your best friends in the dark, tell us what's going on, man. We can get the guy who beat you up or stole your girlfriend or whatever.**

**Hope This Reaches You,**

**James and **_Sirius_

_PS: More defenseless bunnies will die if you don't give us an answer. THINK OF THE BUNNIES, MAN! _

_

* * *

_

_12/25_

_Dear James,_

_Happy Christmas! Hope you got some good presents. I'll be seeing you tonight at dinner, so we can discuss it then._

_Yes, I've decided to believe you. You seemed genuine, and...well, I made this promise to myself. I promised that when I found out who you were, I wouldn't judge, because I wouldn't want them judging me. I've been really horrible at keeping it so far, but that's going to change. Honestly, you never gave me a reason to doubt you. You've never really done anything to me, except keep me in the dark for a while on the fact that you knew it was me. So, let's turn over a new leaf, yeah? _

_As for the Mystery Girl assignments...do they have to stop now that we know each other?_

_See you at dinner!_

_All my best,_

_Lily_

_

* * *

_

_**12/25**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Happy Christmas, cheapskate. I'm not clearing this either. You coming over later today? I have a present for you, even if you don't have one for me. **_

_**The Three Broomsticks was fabulous. I've never really been to Zonko's before. I've also never played "Guess the Candy" at Honeydukes. Though, you shouldn't have made me eat the Cockroach Clusters. Those things were vile. I wanted to slap you. As for the Apocalypse, we can kiss while the world explodes. Fire in the background, screams echoing in our ears. Desperation and passion pushing us together. Doesn't it sound fabulously romantic?**_

_**Lily sent me a Christmas card today, and I sent her an owl back about it. I'm guessing she and James are fine now. It's Christmas. You can't be mad at anyone around Christmas.**_

_**No, I was not with Finnegan. Why would I go back to him? He's a dunce. Stop being so paranoid, Black. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you sounded like a jealous boyfriend.**_

_**Whoppers are burgers with lettuce, tomato, onion, some other stuff. The works. Depends on what you want on it.**_

_**I can't wear charm or use exceptional snogging ability. Well, actually I can use it. If only I could find someone who had it...**_

_**Tell me by 4 if you're coming over. If not, I'm chucking your present out the window.**_

_**Loads of Love and Christmas Cheer,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

12/25

Dear Mr. Lupin,

Happy Christmas! We've received only one letter from you thus far, and simply wanted to remind you that all three are due by January 7th.

Thank you and have a wonderful holiday!

-The Staff

* * *

**Spellotaped to the door-**

**12/25**

**Dear Lily,**

**How did you manage to get the letter to me so quickly and get it cleared? I'm going to ask if you'll do me a favor and take this up to McGonagall. However, I had a proposal. How about we come up with a spot to leave the letters besides the door? There's no point owling them when you know the person you're talking to is right across the hall. But, I'm paranoid. Anyone can read the letters we tape to the doors. So, I propose a spot. We can sort out exactly where later. (Ha, stalkers! Outsmarted! Unless you watch us talk. Creepy.)**

**Turning over a new leaf sounds like a great idea. Forget everything you know about me. I'm James. Gryffindor, 6th year. You are?**

**No way. Knowing you're Lily just makes it more necessary. It'll help get rid of your stick-in-the-mud reputation. The first assignment of the new term will come soon, don't you worry. I just have to think up something good.**

**By the way, I enclosed a little gift to you. Happy Christmas, Evans!**

**Full of Good Cheer and All That,**

**James**

**

* * *

**

_12/25_

_Zam,_

_Happy Christmas, babe. I'll be there tonight. I don't miss presents. But, who said I didn't have one for you?_

_Never been to Zonko's? What kind of existence did you have before I came along? The cockroach clusters aren't all that bad. You made me try Blood Pops, which are ten times worse. Back to the apocalypse, no, it does not sound fabulously romantic. When we get crushed by a giant flaming meteor of doom, all it will really seem like is dead. _

_Yeah, I heard from James yesterday, and from the euphoric tone, I think he and lily are fine. It's good for now, but I'm sure I'll reconsider once we're back at school. James tends to get...carried away when it comes to Lily. Now that she actually treats him somewhat kindly? He'll be unbearable. _

_Good. I'm just checking. Your sanity is still questionable, and I feel I need to check every once in a while. But, I'm not acting like a jealous boyfriend. I'm acting like a jealous...well whatever we are. Friends don't generally snog, do they? _

_Those sound interesting. Do they come with those chips? The things you called French fries?_

_Cold, Zam, very cold. I thought you'd been mean before, but that one took the cake._

_-Sirius_

* * *

12/26

Guys,

Look, I'll tell you when I get back, alright? Don't go and do anything drastic, like killing woodland creatures. (Which I know you'd do, Sirius.) As for the transformation, Dad wants me to try some new potion he and his team have been working on. If not, hopefully no one's in the forest.

By the way, if someone had beaten me up or stolen my girlfriend, don't you think I could beat them up myself? I'm not a pacifist or anything.

DON'T KILL ANY BUNNIES, CAPICHE? 

-Remus

* * *

_12/27_

_Dear James,_

_I have my ways. I'll take it up to McGonagall, as your Christmas present. I'm very sorry I didn't get anything for you, but I was too mad to consider it for quite some time. However, Duchess very much enjoyed the toy, and I'm happy to have the key to my machine back. _

_The new spot is perfect. Easy to reach, but hard to find if you don't know where it is. But, who exactly are you worried about? Who do you think might read our letters in the first place? Personally, I think they'd be rather boring to anyone other than us. Full of inside jokes, and I for one hate not understanding inside jokes. I'd probably throw the letter out in frustration before I was halfway done. The only people who'd be amused are the people meant to read them: Us._

_Lily Evans, also a sixth year Gryffindor. So, tell me James, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time at our lovely school? (Being this polite is hard. I'm glad we never actually had to write formally. It would've ruined the banter.)_

_STICK IN THE MUD? Is that really how people think of me? (Don't lie. I'll know if you aren't telling the truth, you little bastard.) Well, I'll show them. I'll show them all..._

_You don't think I'm a stick in the mud, do you?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_**12/27**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**You sly dog. Pretending like you had nothing for me, when you bought it RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE? Master stroke, my friend. Anyway, thank you very much for the necklace. I'm wearing it as me speak (or as I write). I hope you enjoy your present too. It's more for when we get back to school, but you could use it at my house too. Which reminds me, are your parents at all worried they never see you? I mean, it seems like we've been here, there, and everywhere all break.**_

_**My existence was fine before you came along, thanks very much. I had friends, family, and Hogwarts. I was on the newspaper, and the planning committee for the fall and spring balls. I planned school events, including the Pen-Pal pairings when Dumbledore told us we were doing it. I had quite the life. I still do. What about you? **_

_**You do not have a romantic bone in your body, I swear. (Well, you have one. But, you only use that one to buy presents for girls.) The fireball obviously would not kill us, merely make us look scorched and sweaty. We would get up, dust ourselves off, and resume. No death would take place. (Except if you were a mean person, which neither of us are. Well, maybe you.)**_

_**James won't be unbearable. He'll simply be lit up with the glow of a fulfilled dream. Be happy for him. It's not every day someone manages to sway someone who hated them for five years over to their side.**_

_**Yes, my sanity's questionable, for choosing to spend so much time with you. But...I don't know what we are. Why don't we just leave it be? It doesn't need labels, as long as we're happy.**_

_**Yes, they come with French fries. I'll take you there tomorrow, alright? Expect me on your doorstep at 2.**_

_**Sorry. It's reflexive. But, you aren't half-bad, if that's any consolation.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

_**

* * *

**_

**12/28 **

**Remus,**

**Fine. Tell us when you get back. But, stop moping. Enjoy break! It's the only time we get off until Easter!**

_No, we didn't kill any bunnies. The rabbit population is fine, terrorizing Hagrid's garden as we speak. As for beating people up...Aren't you kind of a pacifist? I've never seen you hurt a fly (on purpose)._

**-****James and** _Sirius_

* * *

**12/29**

**Dear Lily,**

**Glad you liked them. I thought you might want your key back, since I took it after the ball. Speaking of Duchess the Ferocious, where is she, anyway? I can't imagine there are many places in this school where you can keep a lion. But, I've checked the Room of Requirement, and I don't see her chained up beside the yogurt machine, so I'm assuming you're keeping her somewhere else. Either that, or you transfigured her back like the other lions.**

**I don't know who I thought would read them. Sirius, perhaps? It seems like the kind of thing he'd do. I just wanted to make sure the Stalkers of the World wouldn't have access. I'm paranoid that way. I suppose you do have a point , though. These are more for us than anyone else, and everyone else is too wrapped up in their own letters. Though, I don't know too many people who write as faithfully as we do. Most people just fill the monthly quota and then stop writing. That's like two letters a month! Can you imagine if we wrote two a month, and then we were like, "Ok. We're good. See you in January." It would be a tragedy.**

**Well, let's see...I like Quidditch. I'm Chaser, and captain. (which not many 6th years can say. In fact, I think I may be the only one. Oh, wait...I AM! EAT IT, SUCKERS!) I like pranking. You may have heard of the Marauders? I like chess. I hate homework. My favorite subject's Arithmancy, so I joined the club, because I knew it would look good. I'm trying to clean up my act this year. Dumbledore said the Heads for next year would be picked in April, and they wouldn't have to be Prefects, they'd just have to display "exemplary behavior," so...yeah. I thought I might apply. Are you applying?**

**Erm...kind of. I really wasn't supposed to say that. (By the way, don't call me little. I'm at least a head taller than you, Evans.) But, don't do anything stupid. We like you the way you are. You're stable. The only sane man left on the island.**

**How could I think you were a stick in the mud? You own a lion. You've pulled off some amazing pranks. You threw your very own rave. That's exciting enough for me.**

**Unhappy That There's Only Ten Days Left of Break,**

**James**

**

* * *

**

_12/30_

_Zamira,_

_Actually, I didn't plan on getting you a present until the last minute. So, it wasn't all that sly. However, I'm glad you assumed it was. I LOVE my present. Where did you get a motorcycle helmet monogrammed? And the keys...It's too much, Zam. I thought I'd done great, with that silly little necklace, and then you give me the helmet and the keys, and suddenly I feel like that locket I gave you was the stupidest present I could give. But, I'll enjoy the present, I promise. I may need a few more lessons, though._

_Ok, so I'll admit it: You have a lot more going on than me. I mostly just hang around with the guys and pull pranks and do work. You do all sorts of stuff. So, you do have a lot going for you. But, I have a question...if you helped with the pairings...did you pair you and me?_

_I think you're confusing a movie with real life, Zam. I don't think we'd actually survive a fireball. But, it's a nice thought, isn't it? That love triumphs over all._

_Look, you can deal with it because you're Zam. You're practically the living embodiment of enthusiasm. I've never seen you unhappy. But, I'm a generally pessimistic person, and when James is all high on love, he gets rather...odd. Now he will be rather odd all the time. See my dilemma? _

_Actually, I'd say your spending time with me is the most sane thing you've ever done. So...we'll leave it at that, then? Just friends with benefits. No strings attached._

_You aren't half-bad yourself, Knight. C'mon, you know I'm amazing._

_-Sirius_

* * *

1/1

Dear Ms. Bones,

Happy New Year! You have exactly one week to send three letters. We have now received two letters from your pen-pal, but no responses. Please send these soon, or disciplinary action will be taken.

Have a wonderful end to your holidays!

-The Staff

* * *

_1/3_

_Dear James,_

_Yes, I know, I'm late. But, it's not like you haven't seen me or anything, now that we eat all our meals together. (Which reminds me, will that end when school resumes?) Duchess actually is in the Room of Requirement. You're just looking in the wrong place. I also made it impossible for anyone to get in except me, so that might account for it as well. I'll show you where she is tonight if you want. (I don't clear the letters anymore after I've hit the quota, so this should reach you on the proper date.) _

_That would be terrible. How many do you suppose we write a month? Five? Six? I lose track. It feels like we write a lot more than we do. But, we do write a lot compared to most people. (Especially given the length of the letters.) Maybe we should petition for extra credit._

_You do a lot of stuff, don't you? Being captain in 6th year is pretty impressive. (That DOES NOT mean you get to rub it in the other captains' faces, though. I expect better from you.) Of course I've heard of the Marauders. They are quite popular, you know. As for me and what I do, I write a lot. I read a lot. I tutor, and I'm in the Charms club and Potions Club, and I sit around outside and talk with my friends, and will, on the rarest of rare occasions, skip lessons to go get ice cream in Hogsmeade with them. I'm going to apply for a Head position. All sixth-year Prefects are "strongly encouraged" to. I don't think I'll make it, though. I'm not really Head material._

_I'm glad someone thinks I'm exciting, even if it's just one person. I don't think I could stand if you thought I was boring, too. _

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

_

* * *

_

_**1/4**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Are you kidding me? The necklace was one of the best presents I got. I like lockets, and the fact that you-YOU, the person who acts like they don't care about anyone-were the one who got it for me made it that much better. Don't beat yourself up. It was perfect. **_

_**No, I didn't pair you and me. I didn't pair Lily and James. I was assigned to pair all the people in Hufflepuff up, which basically meant drawing a Hufflepuff name, and picking from a pile of "selected names" (people who had similar answers on the personality quiz). I'm not sure how Lily and James got paired together. I thought it was only people in different houses. They must have ran out of other houses to match at the end or something.**_

_**Love does triumph over all. That's one lesson from the movies that does apply in real life. It's only cynics like you who can't see that.**_

_**Well then, perhaps you should try being a bit more enthusiastic. I could cast a Cheering Charm on you. We'd see how you'd feel about James's oddness then. Just be happy for him, Sirius. He got what he wanted. He'll be normal again after a bit. It's not like they're going out or anything. **_

_**I think we're somewhere between friends and boyfriends. Something in the middle. But, I'd say there are strings attached. After all, you'd throw a fit if you found out I was dating one of Finnegan's buddies. I wouldn't be too pleased if I saw you hanging out with some slag. So, we're something in between. A happy medium.**_

_**You're alright, Black. Amazing is a stretch.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

1/4

Guys,

I'm not moping. I'm doing fine. I'll be back, and you'll see. I'm completely unharmed.

I could hurt a fly if I wanted to, Sirius. I just don't think violence is the best way to solve things. There are better tools than your fists.

Good job not killing any bunnies.

-Remus

* * *

**1/6**

**Dear Lily,**

**God, I can't believe school starts back up tomorrow. It felt like break would last forever. I don't think us hanging out will end when school starts, unless you want it to. We're mates now, right? It's what we do. You were quite clever hiding Duchess where you did. Now, can I see her whenever I want? You never did let me ride her, and I really want to try.**

**I know we write at least four. Extra credit should definitely be awarded for us. They should throw in a few extra points for me, since I got stuck writing to you. (KIDDING. So, no, I'm not breaking the insult truce.)**

**Charms and Potions club? Writing? Reading? Oh, what an adorable little nerd you are. However, you're not a true nerd, because they never miss a class. Is that where you go when you're sick? Out for ice cream? Did you have me bring you that yogurt because you were lazy, not because you were on your deathbed? (I'm guessing you were actually sick, since I heard hacking through the door. But, you could've just been really good at faking it.) I'm sure you're Head material. The teachers love you. **

**You're not boring. You're confusing boring with sane. Sane is a good quality. Though, I'm not sure you always possess it, you have a pretty firm grasp on it most of the time. You make sense, Lil. I can't say that about everyone at Hogwarts.**

**Not Ready For School,**

**James**

* * *

_1/6_

_Zam,_

_Can you believe we have to get on a train in three hours? I can't. I was perfectly content to keep searching out the perfect burger and messing around on your bikes. I never did get to try the ones that are specially made for dirt._

_Oh, good. I was afraid that this is when the horror movie plot would unfold: You were really obsessed with me, and had been lulling me into a false sense of security this whole time. But, luckily, you aren't obsessed with me at all. You're just a girl who got paired up with me because we had similar answers. _

_I'm not a cynic. I'm just someone who's lived in a family where love was triumphed by money. I'm someone who knows that love, while it's a nice idea, can be beaten, if evil's strong enough._

_NO. No Cheering Charms. I forbid it. But, I'll try. I'm not good at displaying enthusiasm, but I'll follow your lead. _

_A happy medium. Yeah, that sounds good. A perfect balance. _

_Sit with me on the train?_

_-Sirius_

_

* * *

_1/6

Remus,

I'm not sorry.

-Amelia

* * *

**R&R! Doesn't matter whether you say it's great, it sucks, or you made up a song and wanted to share it, all is welcome! Next is the new term, and what happened to Remus!**


	7. Quizzes and Questions Answered

**I'm really sorry about the lateness of this chapter. I will attempt to get the next out a little sooner, but with school and other stories, there are no guarantees. Anyway, thanks to all of you who have put this on favorites or alerts, and special thanks to reviewers. This story now has over 50, which blows my mind. All of you are amazing! Now, on to Chapter 7. Sadder than previous chapters. More dramatic than previous chapters. Hopefully as entertaining as previous chapters. Enjoy!**

* * *

1/9

Dear Students,

We were very disappointed by the number of people who failed to meet your quotas over break. Therefore, we are requiring all of you to attend a meeting during your fourth class today, in which you will write as many letters as you need to fill your quota to your pen-pal. If you filled your quota, you may work on the next assignment: If you remember the beginning of the year, you took a quiz to get your pen-pal assignment. We would now like one of you to author a quiz with things you'd like to know about your pen-pal, and send it to them. We hope this will stimulate more interesting conversation.

Remember: Meet in the Great Hall during your 4th class. If you do not attend, it will be counted as skipping class, and disciplinary action will be taken.

-The Staff

* * *

_1/9_

_Dear James,_

_Can you believe we are being punished for everyone else's mistakes? We deserve a study hall. Instead, we have to write some stupid quiz. Well, I did, and I enclosed it. So, now you owe me a favor, because writing a quiz when you want to be playing Exploding Snap is not fun. _

_I suppose now that we're mates, I'll let you see Duchess more often. But, you have to feed her twice a week in exchange for getting to ride her. I'll do the rest. _

_I'm NOT a nerd. When I get a good job and you're stuck working in the Ministry mailroom, you're going to wish you'd been in as many "nerdy" clubs and activities as me. And, yes, I was actually sick when I got you to bring me the frozen yogurt. I was on my DEATHBED. I could not have gotten out of bed if I'd wanted to, let alone gone out for ice cream. I'm not so sure about the teachers loving me. But, it's nice of you to say that._

_You think I make sense? ME? No offense, but have you lost your mind?_

_All my best,_

_Lily_

_P.S.-See attached personality quiz. Do attached personality quiz. Send back said quiz. _

* * *

_**1/9**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I'm sad that break's over, too. However, you need to learn to ride a little better before you touch my dirt bikes. You can't go five minutes without falling off.**_

_**No, I'm not a stalker. I'm annoyed that the thought even crossed your mind. Do I really seem very stalkerish?**_

_**Sirius... I'm sorry. You're family's the exception, not the rule. It just sucks that you're the one who got stuck with them.**_

_**Good. I'll try and be extra-peppy, just for you. Slightly below crazed cheerleader. How I'll manage to keep that up now that school's back in session, I have no idea. But, I do love a challenge.**_

_**So, do you think the fact that we have to sit in here for an hour and a half and do nothing but write is lame? I'll send you the quiz, as per our agreement, but I expect quality answers, with this much time to answer.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

Dear Mr. Lupin,

Just letting you know that Miss Bones has finally dropped off a note for you! I'm sure you've missed each other's letters. I was also wondering if anything was wrong. I haven't seen you in Charms since we got back. Are you ill? I can get you the assignments you missed if you are.

Cheers,

Professor Flitwick

* * *

**Later-1/9**

**Dear Lily, **

**We deserve hot fudge sundaes, no homework for a week, and a study hall. But, what do we get? We get to sit around for 90 minutes with a bunch of juvenile delinquents throwing around paper airplanes. (Never mind that I am one of those delinquents.) I enclose your quiz, which was not very creative, but was fun to answer. You know, we could play Exploding Snap in here. McGonagall left us in here alone (foolish mistake), and hasn't been seen for a half-hour. I don't think she's coming back.**

**Fine, I will feed her the finest raw meat I can find in the kitchen. But, what's the password? Didn't you say there was a password?**

**Sure, that's what they all say. (By they, I mean the nerds.) I'm not going to be stuck in any Ministry mailroom. I bet I'll make more money than you. The teachers adore you. Why else would they make you a Prefect?**

**Yes, we all have, thanks for asking. You're the only sane one left. Do us proud, Evans.**

**Stir-Crazy,**

**James**

**Attached-James's Quiz **

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

**My great-grandfather, James Simon. Just the James part though. No Simon. **

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

**Crying? What is this crying you speak of? That's for lesser, wimpier, men.**

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

**Yes? Why? Should I not? Are you trying to make a point here, Evans?**

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

**Ham. You should know. You said I was one once.**

5. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

**I wouldn't just be friends with me. I would either worship me (guys) or fall madly in love with me (girls). **

6. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?

**Do you READ the letters?**

7. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

**Yeah. Why? Am I not supposed to or something?**

8. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

**Hells yes. I'd just make Peter go first to check that it's safe.**

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

**Cocoa Puffs.**

10. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

**Usually, no**.

11. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

**Like a rock.**

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

**Rocky road.**

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

**Their...soul. I notice their soul. Yeah, that's it.**

14. RED OR PINK?

**Red. Pink is for wimps.**

15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

**Least favorite thing...I'm too wonderful?**

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

**Wormtail, I suppose. He's coming back in February though, so I won't have to miss him much longer.**

17. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

**They're black.**

18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

**A roast beef sandwich, some salad, mashed potatoes, and a lemon bar.**

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

**A bunch of idiots (and a couple of my mates) yelling at each other.**

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

**The color of awesome. It would be so beautiful, it blinded people, therefore no one knew the exact color. **

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?

**The smell of steak cooking.**

22. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?

**Beach house. Definitely beach house.**

23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

**Do you really have to ask?**

24. FAVORITE FOOD?

**Steak, obviously.**

25. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

**Scary movies WITH happy endings. Or ninjas. Or happy endings with ninjas.**

26. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

**I saw Rocky over break. **

27. SUMMER OR WINTER?

**Summer. Who actually prefers freezing their arses off to a nice, warm, school-free season?**

28. HUGS OR KISSES?

**Kisses. Your preference?**

29. FAVORITE DESSERT?

**Chocolate cake, buttercream frosting.**

30. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?

**Both...at the same time.**

31. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

**Books...riiiiight. **

32. FAVORITE SOUND?

**The roar of the crowd after you score.**

33. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

**Tough choice, but I'm going with the Stones.**

34. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

**Brazil. My parents thought I should "experience Rio." I was 12 at the time. It didn't make much sense, but I had fun.**

35. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

**Between the super strength, the laser-vision, and the ability to kill men with a single glance...Oh, wait! I know. I can play the kazoo. Amazing, right?**

36. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

**St. Mungo's. **

37. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?

**In the dorms. Where else would I live?**

38. DID YOU LIKE ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS?

**I loved answering them.**

39. DID YOU ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS HONESTLY?

**Erm...I used some creative license. **

* * *

_Later-1/9 _

_Zam,_

_Hey, I'm a beginner. Cut me some slack. You must've fallen off the bike a few times. Six, at least._

_Look, forget about it, alright? My family is full of shit-for-brains. You aren't one. Therefore, you don't have to worry about them. Remember, you have a vase and a toaster of your own to look after. _

_Oh, Merlin. I'll buy myself some earplugs. I don't doubt you can do it, Zam. That's what scares me._

_Extremely lame. I've sent back the quiz. It has answers...the quality of them is debatable. But, one out of two isn't bad, right?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

_Attached-Sirius's Quiz_

_**Apple juice or orange juice?**_

_Orange juice, mixed with vodka._

_**Are you a morning or night person?**_

_Evenings. They're dark, and mysterious, and they're when all the good stuff happens._

_**Which do you prefer, sweet or salty foods?**_

_Salty._

_**Ninjas or pirates?**_

_Pirates. They get the job done while being stumbling drunkards. That's skill right there._

_**Ninjas vs. pirates, discuss.**_

_Pirates, again. Ninjas have swords. Pirates have guns. Guess who's winning that fight?_

_**Autobots or Decepticons?**_

_What the hell is a Decepticon?_

_**What was your favorite childhood television program?**_

_Zam, you know full well I've never seen a TV before in my life, except in pictures in Muggle Studies. Why are you throwing these random questions in here?_

_**Are you a collector of anything?**_

_Wizard cards and firewhiskey bottles. _

_**If you could be any animal, what would you be?**_

_People always ask this, and I'm never sure why. It's such a stupid question. But, if I were an animal, I'd be a dog, I guess._

_**If you could have any superpower, what would it be?**_

_Mind control. Getting whatever I wanted whenever I wanted would be awesome. Super strength also wouldn't be bad. _

_**What is usually your first thought when you wake up?**_

_Shit, it can't be time to get up yet..._

_**What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?**_

_depends on the evening. Sometimes, I can't think straight at all. Sometimes I think about the guys, or what we did that day, or what's going on tomorrow. Sometimes, I think about you. Sometimes, I don't think at all. _

_**What's your favorite color?**_

_Red. Gryffindor colors all the way!_

_**What's your favorite animal?**_

_Didn't I already answer this one? Dogs._

_**Do you believe in extraterrestrials or life on other planets?**_

_Yes. I also think they'll show up by 1980. I hope they'll be merciful (and I hope they'll be hot)._

_**Do you believe in ghosts?**_

_Well, yeah. We see them every day, Zam. What did you think they were, hallucinations?_

_**Ever been addicted to a video game? Which one(s)?**_

_I've never touched an arcade machine, Zam, and you know it. Cut the crap._

_**You're given 1 million Galleons, what do you spend it on?**_

_I'd open a pub in Diagon Alley. Then, I'd buy all the other buildings, so I'd literally own the place. After that, I'd charge them all tremendously high rent, and if they left, I'd open low-budget knockoffs. Then, I'd eventually become Minister, and I'd have it made. _

_**Have any bad habits?**_

_I suppose I cuss a little bit more than most people. But, you do too, so I'm not the only one._

_**Which bad habits, if any, drive you crazy?**_

_People preaching to you. You aren't perfect either, so go fix your own lives, and leave me alone._

_**List 3 of your best personality traits:**_

_Brave, funny, and sexy._

_**List 3 of your worst personality traits:**_

_Impatient, sarcastic, and cynical._

_**Have any celebrity crushes?**_

_No, I settle for girls my own age, thanks. But, would you consider Sam Price a celebrity?_

_**List 1 thing you wish you could change about yourself:**_

_The people I had to grow up with._

_**Any tattoos or piercings?**_

_No, despite the many rumors to the contrary, I have not tattooed or pierced myself._

_**What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?**_

_Do you want the truth or what makes you happy here, Zam? _

_**What personality traits do you look for in a partner?**_

_Personality-wise? I guess I want a girl who's adventurous, and not all that girly. But, she also needs to be hot. _

_**What personality traits do you dislike in other people?**_

_Whiners. Suck it up, you arses. _

_**Are you mostly a clean or messy person? **_

_Messy. _

_**Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years?**_

_Nope. _

_**If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?**_

_I don't know. Here's pretty good. Maybe the States?_

_**If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?**_

_The States or Italy. The States sound interesting, but Italy has the cars and the girls._

_**List 5 goals on your life's to-do list:**_

_-Graduate Hogwarts_

_-Marry a Girl someday_

_-Buy a house_

_-Buy a Motorbike_

_-Party like there's no tomorrow_

_**Name 1 regret you have:**_

_I don't live with regrets. They bog you down._

_**Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid:**_

_Honestly? I don't really miss being a kid at all._

_**Name 1 thing you love about being at Hogwarts:**_

_My mates. The food. The people. The girls. __You. __Mostly my mates._

_**What's your favorite song of the moment?**_

_Ok, don't say anything here, Zam. I know you're going to want to. I know the temptation. But, you have to shut your damn mouth, or I swear to God I'll shut it for you. right now, it's "Somebody to Love" by Queen. Don't go "I told you so." It's their only song that makes any sense, so I still maintain my opinion on the band as a whole. _

_**What's your favorite song of all time?**_

_(I can't Get No) Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. (You need to reevaluate your taste in music if you don't like them.)_

_**What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?**_

_Party. _

_**What's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?**_

_Well, typically I'm not feeling too well on Sunday afternoons, so I don't know. Maybe play a casual game of Quidditch? I'm lucky if I can get out of bed on Sundays, so I've never really done much those days._

_**Have any hidden talents?**_

_I can play the bass. I've never really done anything with that talent. _

_**You're about to walk the green mile, what do you have as your last meal?**_

_First off, I have no idea what a green mile is. But, my last ever meal would be a prime rib sandwich from this pub around the corner with some chips, a firewhiskey, and a chocolate cookie. _

_**What would be your dream job?**_

_Something where you get paid a lot to do very little. _

_**Which would you rather have, 100 million Galleons or true love?**_

_I'll come back to this one later._

_**If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be?**_

_-I want a time machine._

_-I want the best motorbike ever created._

_-I want you to grant every wish I make after this. _

_**Ever wish you were born the opposite sex? If so, why?**_

_No. These questions are growing stranger as I go on. Did you actually write these, Zam?_

_**Name 1 thing not many people know about you:**_

_I live with James now. I moved out at the beginning of the year. So, that's why my family never cared where I was over break. They haven't cared in a long time. Possibly never._

_**If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?**_

_Grand Supreme Master Captain Badarse McGee. _

_**Do you believe in the afterlife?**_

_Yeah, I guess. I just don't want to see the next life for a long time. There's a lot going on right now, you know?_

_So, there you have it, Zam. I answered all your odd, prying, questions. So, when is it my turn to ask you?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

1/9-

James and Sirius,

It all started that day at Puddifoot's. I was giving her back her box. I never bothered to look in it. I trusted her, believed that she'd told me the truth. That was my first mistake.

We got a booth, once we were there. She talked a bit, laughed at my jokes, thanked me for coming. "You're the only person I really wanted to see right now." She said, smiling at me like...Merlin, I don't know, like she meant it.

I was enamored. I didn't want to give her the box. I was afraid if I gave her that box, she'd disappear. She'd go back to the way she used to be. So, I didn't bring it up. I let her forget about it. We ordered coffees. I got a basic cup, while she got something complex and full of flavoring. We looked around at the couples around us, saying goodbyes to each other. She gave me this knowing smile, like we were both in on a secret. We were special because we were here to begin, and not to end.

After a while, she asked if I wanted to see something. She took my hand and led me out into the sun, down the path, and into a neighborhood. We walked a little farther through the streets, until we came to a park. She sat down on a bench, and I sat down next to her. "This is a rose garden, during the spring and summer," She explained, "I like coming here in the winter, though. It reminds me that it won't last forever."

She added, "I live near here. I remember playing on the playground over there when I was younger." She points into the distance, where I see tall structures covered in snow. I felt closer than ever at that moment. She'd told me something about herself. She'd opened up, become a real person.

That was when I kissed her. I did it without thinking about it, without questioning. She didn't pull away. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me back. I pulled her close, and we stayed like that for the longest time. I felt her hand slip into my pocket; it must've been cold. I ran one hand through her hair, and wished we could stay like this forever.

She pulled away. I didn't know why. Her hand had come out of my pocket, holding a small scarlet box. She smiled triumphantly, and whispered in disbelief, "You fell."

"What?" I mumbled. I was confused by the sudden shift in the mood, by her weird theft of the box and cryptic words. I wanted to go back to the simpler feelings of two minutes ago.

"You fell for every word," She continued, "You thought I cared. You thought I actually_ felt_ something for you. That I cared about your stupid girl troubles. Your hopeless attempts to be bad. Your little 'problems.' You believed it," She shook her head, and looked at the ground. "I thought you of all people would know better than to fall for the act, Remus. But, then, you are the most _idiotic _genius I've ever met."

Things started to sink in after that. But, something in me wasn't ready to believe it was done, "But, we...You..."

"It was all just a game," She whispered, "And you were just another pawn. A boring, lifeless, thing. You never changed. _I _never changed. What made you think I could? Your pathetic belief that people can change? Well, guess what? They don't."

She stood up then, and brushed the snow off her jeans. "Thank you for retrieving this for me," She held up the package, "Finn gave it to me for our one-year anniversary. But, when I said I wanted to make you get it for me, he played along. It was after that I was inspired to break up with J.C., when you wouldn't give it back. I knew the only way to get it was to make you feel something for me," She smirked a little bit at her genius, "That's the only way to get you weak saps to do anything, to play with your feelings."

She turned to go, but I finally broke my silence, "You don't care at all about anyone, do you? Not J.C. Not Finn. Not me."

She didn't reply, just let out a long laugh. But, it wasn't the carefree, happy-go-lucky laugh of the girl in Puddifoot's. It was the cruel laugh of a girl who knew she'd just broken my heart, and didn't care one bit.

I haven't seen her since that day. I've tried to avoid her. I look through the letters she sent me, sometimes. I read the early ones, where she spelled it all out, black and white. Good at pretending. Thinks I'm anti-climactic. Likes to play with people. Her letters were just another part of her saint act, and I fell hard for them. For the girl who wasn't real. So, this is as much my fault as it is hers.

But then again, she twisted everything around. She was the one who asked J.C. out. She was the one who broke up with him. She was the one who told Finnegan to ask Zamira, because she wanted to see what would happen. She knew that Sammy Price genuinely liked me, and told her I liked it when girls played dumb. She told me to break it off, knowing how much it would genuinely hurt her. She set up the whole box-theft thing to see what lengths I would go to for her, how far gone I was. 

She played it masterfully. So, perhaps it isn't really my fault at all. Maybe Einstein himself might've fallen for her act. I don't know.

All I know is that I wrote this down for the two of you because I don't want to have to repeat myself. I don't want to think about Puddifoot's, or the garden, or that day ever again. I don't want to remember how I felt when she kissed me, or how I felt when she laughed in my face.

I don't want to remember Mia at all.

-Remus

* * *

_Even later-1/9_

_Dear James,_

_I think we deserve even more than that, but your list is a decent start. I'd love to play Exploding Snap. Just reply if you want to play or not. I'd ask you in person but I can't see you, and it's more fun this way. I wonder where McGonagall went. Do you have any ideas?_

_There is a password, isn't there? I suppose it must've slipped my mind. Well, I can't tell you that. You'll tell your mates, and then half the school will be crowding in there to see Duchess. So, you'll just have to figure it out for yourself._

_Oh really? Care to make a wager on that? Someday, if you make more money than me, I'll owe you ten Galleons, and if I make more, you owe me the same. Sound fair? The teachers made me Prefect because I was a good student LAST YEAR. Now, on the other hand, I'm not nearly as dedicated. They'd do better to pick someone responsible. _

_Merlin, I hope you're joking. If I'm actually the last sane person on the Earth, then the Earth has odd standards._

_Your answers were NOT amusing. In fact, they were a little bit insulting, and mostly untrue. Is that how you answered on the first personality quiz? If so, what idiot thought we'd be good penpals?_

_All my best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_**1/9-Even later**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Yes, I fell off my bike a few times in the beginning. But, none of my falls were quite as spectacular or cringe-worthy as the ones you've had. Feel proud of yourself, Black. You've set new standards for spilling a bike.**_

_**My vase and toaster aren't as bad as I made them out to be. Not nearly as bad as your...problems. But, I have a question: Do you really live with James now? **_

_**Good. You don't underestimate me anymore. That's good. It shows growth in our relationship.**_

_**Your answers were a strange combination of insensitive, funny, and insightful.. I LOVED IT. If you could write like that all the time, you'd be a bestseller in no time. But, I was offended by your judgement of my quiz-writing skills. I asked questions that I wanted to know the answers to, as instructed. It's not my fault you've never seen a TV.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

1/10

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We received your request to change penpals, and while we're willing to consider it, we would like a word from your penpal that they are also in favor of the change.

Sincerely,

The Staff

* * *

**1/11**

**Dear Lily,**

**I'm sorry I never wrote back a couple of days ago. We had a crisis to attend to, in the form of Remus Lupin.**

**His penpal broke his heart. She knew he felt something for her. She played him, then stomped on his heart. I always knew Mia Bones was a slag. I never knew she was a heartless bitch, as well.**

**We need to get back at her somehow. We'll just need to wait until Remus is a little less...depressed. He'll get better. Then, we'll get that heinous piece of shit. She'll never pull this crap with anyone else. We'll make sure of it. **

**I've enclosed a copy of Remus's letter. You're good at understanding things. Maybe you can talk to him when you guys have Prefect rounds? **

**I just want to know why someone wanted to hurt Remus this bad. He's the nicest guy I've ever met. **

**Angry and Frustrated,**

**James**

**P.S.-I'll write a real reply to your last letter later. I'm just too mad about all of this to write about the usual stuff.**

* * *

_1/11_

_Zam,_

_That bitch. That awful little slag. No, not you. Amelia Bones. That's why I didn't write you back sooner. I was too busy dealing with Remus's personal crisis. He chose that moment to open up, and right after that, he basically became this depressed robot. He goes to class, does his work, says the right things. But, you can see in his eyes, he's dead. he's defeated. He let that little skank's game ruin him._

_You're part of the pen-pal committee, right? Isn't there some clause about pen-pal abuse? I want her kicked out of school. I just want to see if there's a way to do it without breaking the law first. See, you've actually taught me something about thinking things through. It kind of sucks. I really just want to club her over the head with a baseball bat._

_Anyway, yeah, I do live with James. I ran away in July. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were really nice about it, said I was like a son to them, and of course I should stay. So, yeah, that's why I never showed you the inside of my house. It isn't actually mine. _

_I never underestimated you. _

_Alright, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I did. But, after seeing you in action, I can't anymore. You'd kick my arse._

_Zam, asking questions you know I can't answer is stupid and pointless. Even you know that._

_-Sirius_

* * *

Dear Staff, 

Can you send her a letter asking for permission, then? Part of the reason I don't want to be her pen-pal is because I don't want to speak to her.

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin

* * *

_1/13_

_Dear James,_

_I read the paper, and I'm so sorry for Remus. He got the worst possible pen-pal. I'll try and talk to him for you, if that's what you want. _

_But, I have a question about your whole revenge plot. Shouldn't you discuss it with Remus first? I know it's not really my business, but it's really his decision on what, if anything, needs to be done about Mia. People cope in their own ways. Remus may just want to let the whole thing go. _

_I don't know why anyone would want to do that to Remus. As far as I know, Mia had never even talked to Remus before this year. But, you never can tell what sets some people off, can you? Honestly, I think Mia's just a bitch who enjoys ruining people's lives. You don't need any motivation to be one of those._

_It's alright that you didn't give me a real response this time. Just send me one soon, yeah? I can't wait forever._

_All my best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_**1/13**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Oh, God. I'm sorry. I always knew she was terrible. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do in the pen-pal abuse department. There needs to be cold, hard, proof that Mia really did hurt Remus. Unfortunately, his word isn't going to hold up here. I feel terrible, but there's nothing I can do, not unless you can get real evidence of it. If the letters are all kind and sweet, those won't help. Ask Remus if there were any witnesses for any of this besides Mia and him.**_

_**Well, it's nice that you get to stay with them. But, why didn't you tell me before? You always just let me believe it was your house, that your parents still played an active role in your life. I just thought you didn't want to introduce me, not that you didn't actually live with them.**_

_**Damn right I would. But, I'm glad you fessed up to your lie. It means I don't have to.**_

_**Those stupid and pointless questions are the most important ones. Sometimes how you respond to the questions you can't answer is more telling than how you respond to the ones you can.**_

_**Sirius, I have to say I'm sorry. To you. To Remus. Because, I realized something while I wrote this letter. Something that had been nagging me before, but something I couldn't quite figure out. Now, I know.**_

_**I was the one who paired up Remus and Amelia. **_

_**I'm sorry. I had no idea how horribly that pairing would end. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. But, would we be discussing some other guy's mental destruction right now if I did? Or would that person have reacted differently?**_

_**You'll probably hate me now. But, I didn't write the letters. I didn't really cause any of this. It was Mia's decision. I just feel bad that it wound up being my fault that your mate had to be involved.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

1/13

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We wrote your pen-pal, as you requested. She has said she's willing to agree to the change. We would like you to exchange one last set of letters to fulfill your quota before this change can be made. Send those in, and we'll get the arrangements made for the switch.

Sincerely,

The Staff

* * *

**R&R! Love it, hate it, all is welcome!**


	8. House Wars and Lion Riders

_****_

**Alright, after a long wait, here's Chapter 8! The good news is it isn't going to be anywhere near as sad as next chapter. The bad news-Well, you had to wait a whole month for it. I'm a little nervous about this one (it's setting us up for bigger and better things), but hopefully you enjoy it, and if you do, please tell me so! (Thank you again to all the amazing reviewers. This story would not be what it is without you.) Anyway, without further ado, Chapter 8!**

* * *

1/20

Dear Students,

We are officially suspending the pen-pal program after the incidents of the last week, and due to some things that were brought to our attention during that time. You are free to continue writing if you choose. If not, we will inform you when the project is to resume.

Sincerely,

The Staff

* * *

**_Hogwarts Tribune-Special Edition_**

**_1/20_**

**_House War!_**

**_by Zamira Knight, Editor-In-Chief_**

**_This past week has been a whirlwind. It all started when a Gryffindor, rumored to be Sirius Black, and a Slytherin, rumored to be Finnegan Lockwood, were caught having a knock-down, drag-out, fight. The cause is still unknown. But, the Gryffindor walked away with a black eye and a scar on his cheek, and the Slytherin gained a broken arm, and lost one tooth in the incident. My condolences to the Gryffindor. As for the Slytherin, you should've been hit harder, you arse. (Oh, hello Professor.) Sorry, what I meant was I had no comment on the conditions of either person because I am Miss Unbiased Ace Reporter. (No, you don't have to pull me off this story. I'm perfectly capable of writing this without prejudice.)_**

**_This seemed like an isolated incident. After all, the storied rivalry between the snakes and the lions has existed as long as Hogwarts has. But, it did not end there. The Hufflepuff 6th year girls' dormitory door was defaced, with an insulting statement that we can't print here, due to some language and a highly inappropriate drawing. Anyway, it is suggested that this was the work of Gryffindor, which caused Hufflepuff to retaliate. Soon, there were two sides: Hufflepuff and Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Unlikely pairings, to say the least._**

**_Now, my friends, we are at war. Brother against brother, friend against friend, owl against owl. Passwords are closely guarded secrets. No one wants to be out too late, for fear that they'll be next on the list of young wizards who've been permanently stuck in bathroom stalls by rivals. Even the pen-pal program has been suspended, for fear that this once-friendly union between houses will be tainted by this chain of events. _**

**_There is only one good thing about this civil war in our hallways: Since many other staff members have quit, refusing to work with "those people" or deliver unbiased opinions, I've been promoted to Editor-In-Chief at the paper. So, now I'll be writing editorials, in addition to the usual stuff. _**

**_As practice for my new position, I'll conclude this article with my opinion: This is a frivolous war to be fighting. Dark forces grow stronger every day, and you want to fight your peers? But, my opinion doesn't count here. I'm just a writer. What do I know? So, while I think it's stupid, I'm willing to play along. We all need a little excitement now and then. So, I'll give you a few pieces of advice: Keep calm, fight hard, and watch your back. But, don't be too busy looking behind you that you forget to see what's staring you in the face._**

* * *

1/20-9:00 AM, between classes

Delivery #84 Transcript-

Delivery Person: I have a message for one Miss Evans and Miss Knight?

Blonde: Wouldn't that make it two messages then?

Delivery Person: Erm, yes I suppose. Why?

Blonde: Oh, nothing. Just an observation. Please proceed.

Delivery Person: (Clears throat) _I...am a singing telegram, _

_And I have a message for YOU! _

_When that special someone comes a calling,_

_We know just what to do,_

_We write a song, we sing along, _

_And we deliver messages too! _

_So, I-_

Blonde: Stop, just stop. (Puts head in hands. Seems to be holding back laughter. Why would she be laughing, I wonder?)

Redhead: (Puts hand on shoulder) Look, kid, this is a nice gesture and all, but we'd really appreciate it if you'd just tell us the message without all the singing.

Delivery Person: Can't. I'm contractually obligated to deliver the message as written. Besides, I actually like this one. Your writer is quite the lyricist.

Blonde: Oh, Merlin. C'mon, Bucky, just tell us. We won't tell the people in charge.

Delivery Person: No can do, sorry. There's a code of honor out here. If I break it, I'll be forced to quit.

Blonde: Now, wouldn't that be terrible. (Unsure, but I thought I detected sarcasm in this statement.) (Whispers to Redhead) Code of honor? What are they, flipping soldiers?

Redhead: Would you be willing to bend that code of honor for ten sickles?

Delivery Person: You know what, I just remembered, there is no code of honor on Thursdays. So, here's your message. Apparently, Captain McGee and his sidekick Batman want to meet you in Circus Ring Number 2 tonight at six.

Redhead: You know, I don't think Batman was Captain McGee's sidekick.

Blonde: Bucky, it's Tuesday.

Delivery Person: Picks up wand) You know, I just remembered, the honor code was abolished yesterday. So, screw that. G'day!

Blonde: (Rolls eyes) What a weird kid.

Redhead: I don't think he's all that weird. I just think he's a terrible serviceperson.

Delivery Person: I heard that!

Unison: Go home, Bucky!

END OF TRANSCRIPT

* * *

**1/20-Divination**

**Moony-Remind me again why we took this class.**

Prongs-I seem to recall the words "Easy," and "O," being prominent in that conversation.

**Well, shame on you, Moony. I never thought you'd take a class because it was easy. Shame. Shame upon you. Shame upon your owl, and your flobberworm from third year, and everything you own. Get out of this class now, and never come back. **

I get the picture. But, somehow, I recall that you were the one doing all the talking in that conversation. 

**I was obviously trying to talk you out of it, and only followed you here because I wanted to be a good friend.**

You, my friend, have what I like to call a selective memory.

**Selective what? Never mind. We don't have to discuss the past. Let's focus on the future. Have you written your last letter to the Skank who Must Not Be Named yet?**

Nah, not yet. I'm hoping with the cancellation of the program, they'll just forget about it. But, I did get to write a few drafts today, in case.

**Cool, can I see them?**

Why not, James? If I don't let you, it'll just be more shame on my family, right?

**Exactamundo, buddy. I knew you'd understand. Now, hand it over. **

* * *

Remus's letter to Mia-Drafts (With commentary by James)

Amelia,

I don't really understand why you did what you did. But, I'm just writing to say-

**No, no, no. All wrong, Moony, all wrong. You're being polite to her. You have to throw polite society to the wind.**

Mia,

You've got a lot of nerve, you know that? How can you look at me, or even Finnegan for that matter, knowing what you did? I thought you'd changed. But, you were the same pretending bitch you've always been. I hope you're happy. Have a good laugh, but know that I'll get over this. And, someday, you'll die alone, wishing you could take this back, because it's stuff like this that will make you a friendless, bitter, old woman who got everything she ever wanted and had no one to share it with.

Have a nice life, Mia. Just don't expect anyone else to want to be part of it.

-Remus

**Better. I like how you called her a bitch and said she was going to die alone. That was a nice touch. However, I think you seem a bit strange, as if you can somehow see the future. (Can you? Is that why you're really in this class? To hone your amazing Seeing powers?) But, there was a lot of pent-up bitterness and rage in that letter. I think you could do better, though.**

Bones,

Go to hell, bitch. 

-Remus

**GENIUS. SHEER GENIUS! The poetry of that one line speaks volumes. Give this man a Pulitzer Prize! An Oscar! A Nobel Peace Prize! **

* * *

I think I'm going with the second one.

**Why? The third one was perfect.**

Because, that's what Mia wants. She wants me to call her a bitch and be offended and heart-broken. She revels in that. What she WON'T expect is for me to actually say that I can move forward from this, and that SHE'LL be the one who's really hurt by all of this.

**Words to keep a guilty soul awake at night. Very nice, Mr. Moony. Quite psychological.**

Why, thank you, Mr. Prongs. I think I'm going to send it, regardless of whether the pen-pal program's still going on. I just need to get it out there, you know? Close the door on the Mia chapter of my life.

**Yeah, I get it. I'm not sure I'd do that, but I guess I'm not in your position. Lily's a lovely person, and hasn't done anything remotely bitchy since we started writing. Well, except the time she called me a ham.**

It's not bitchy if it's the truth.

**Ouch. Just ouch.**

Oh, get over it. Now, on to other interesting mail. Have you ever heard of the HOHG?

**The what? Do you mean a hoagie?**

No, the HOHG. The High Order of Hogwarts Gentlemen. They sent me a letter yesterday.

**A hoagie sent you a letter? Does it smell like pepperoni? Show me.**

* * *

**1/19**

**Dear Mr. Lupin,**

**You are hereby invited to join the High Order of Hogwarts Gentleman, or the HOHG, for short. If you're interested, send us a response by 3:30, tomorrow afternoon. We'll be anxiously awaiting your reply.**

**Sincerely,**

**The HOHG**

* * *

**Kaaaay. So, either:**

**A) They're terrorists/Slytherins/escaped psychiatric patients from St. Mungo's**

**or**

**B) They're really paranoid, considering they cut all those letters out of magazines and newspapers.**

I was just trying to figure out whether it was a joke, or whether these guys were serious. 

**I don't know. It seems kind of funny that none of us were never asked to join before now.**

And by "us" you mean you and Sirius. 

**Let's not use names, shall we?**

Does the word "Marauder," mean anything to you? You are the school's biggest scoundrels. Not exactly Gentlemen material.

**Hey, I don't think an order founded by magical hoagies should really be judging. But, I see your point. I suppose you are the most normal person in the group.**

Thank you.

**That wasn't a compliment. Normal people never have any fun. They tend to be on the boring side. (That's not to say that you are, Moony. We corrupted you early on. I'm just saying you could've been. We saved you.)**

You sound like her, you know. 

**The Skank? Never. I was saying that with friendly affection, Moony. The same way you called me a ham. (At least, I hope you said that with affection. If not, I may have to do some less-than-affectionate things to your face.)**

Alright. But, we need to get back to the point. What do you think I should reply with?

**You should say you'll only join they're group if they send you their Italian sub as a sacrifice.**

Be serious, Prongs, if you can manage that. I know you haven't really matured much since age 12, but try and act like an adult.

**Moony, I know you're having a rough time right now. But, that does not mean you have to be an arse to everyone. C'mon, now. You're better than that. Anyway, just write it like you're replying to a joke. That way, you won't be embarrassed if it is a joke, but if it isn't...well, hopefully they'll understand.**

Sounds good. I'll show you the finished letter in a bit. 

**Cool. Just one question: Do you have any idea what she's been babbling on about for the past 30 minutes?**

Nope. But, just say, "I've seen something terrible awaiting me." She'll think you're the best Seer Hogwarts has had in fifty years.

**How do you know I'm not, I just hide it so you all won't feel inferior? Oh shit, she's coming over here. Hide the paper!**

* * *

1/20

Dear HOHG,

Hey, Mia, or Finnegan, or whoever you are. Joke's over. Sorry to ruin your plan, but I'm not falling into any of your traps this time. Go find someone else's lives to ruin. Preferably your own.

Cheers, 

Remus

* * *

Meeting Transcript

Lily: Oh, hey, Peter. It's good to see you. I thought you wouldn't be back for another-

James: (cuts her off) Don't talk to him! He's our scribe. He's not even here.

Zamira: (walks in with Sirius) May I ask what exactly he's writing?

Sirius: He's documenting the meeting.

Zamira: (Crosses arms over chest) And why exactly does this meeting need documenting?

James: You really are an inquisitive bird, aren't you? We need to discuss the battle plans for the Gryffindor Army.

Sirius: (Rolls eyes) I still think we need a better name for it. Something catchy. Like McGee and the A-Team.

James: (Snorts sarcastically) Thanks for that self-centered suggestion, Sirius, but we're going basic this time.

Zamira: (Flops down into chair) Look, guys, as cute as it would be to see you dress up in uniform and play-fight with the Slytherins like we're all five years old again, I think I made my opinion on this war crap very clear this morning.

Lily: Besides, why do you need us anyway? Wasn't Sirius going on last week about how girls had no place in this thing, because of our "inferior strategy and fighting skills?"

Zamira: (Stands up and starts toward Sirius, raising one eyebrow) You said _what _now?

Sirius: Zam, I didn't mean it like that. You know I think you'd be great at this, that's why you're here- (Tries to take Zamira's hand)

Zamira: (Yanks hand away) Riiiiight. Don't try and flirt your way out, Black. I know you've dated some slags in the past, but give me a little credit. I don't go down that easy.

Sirius: I thought we weren't dating.

Zamira: And we won't be anytime soon if you keep being such a prat.

James: (Puts hand in front of mouth and whispers to Lily) Are they always like this?

Lily: (Shrugs) Pretty much. It'll blow over in about five minutes.

Sirius: Look, I'm sorry, ok? But, seriously, we need your expertise.

Zamira: And?

Sirius: (Grits teeth) Will you please help us, Zam?

Zamira: And?

Sirius: (Glares at Zamira, and continues clenching teeth) Because I am not as smart as I think I am, and I need you to use your superior intellect to help me.

James: Someone's whipped.

Sirius: You're one to talk. Evans, ask him to jump off a cliff.

Lily: No, thank you. But, Sirius, if you wouldn't mind doing so...

James: Enough already! Zam, will you please help us already?

Zamira: (Smiles mischievously) I thought you'd never ask. Now, what'd you call us in here for?

James: Both of you have serious influence over the school. Lily, you're Mystery Girl. You're one of the most powerful figures in school. So, if you-

Lily: You want me to do something to Slytherin or Hufflepuff to show which side I'm on.

James: It'll scare them if they know that Mystery Girl is with the enemy. You'll be like...a secret weapon.

Lily: But, if I side with you, then they'll get suspicious. They'll know it's either someone in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. I could be found out.

James: Or you could be glorified forever as a war hero.

Lily: Why don't YOU just do something, Mr. I'm a Marauder and Therefore I'm Better at Pranking Than All of You?

James: Because, there's no mystery or intrigue with us. It's just, "Oh, another Marauder prank. Ha, ha, ha, yesterday's news." But, with you, it's interesting.

Sirius: (Smirks) Plus, he wants to spend the extra time alone with you planning the prank.

James: Shut up, Padfoot.

Lily: (Seems to be holding back laughter) Fine, James. What did you have in mind?

James: We can work it out later. Maybe tomorrow. Right now, we're just trying to get you both to join us.

Zamira: So, what exactly _is_ my role in all of this going to be?

James: Well, you are the press, being editor-in-chief at the only paper we have left-

Zamira: No. Absolutely not. I'm unbiased.

Sirius: (Cocks an eyebrow) Oh, really? Didn't you say something quite biased about Finnegan and me today?

Zamira: (Stammers) That was...that was different. Besides, I'm editor now, I can say whatever the hell I want!

Sirius: (Smiles smugly) Exactly. So doesn't that mean you _can_ offer biased opinions on which side you support?

Zamira: No. I can't offend readers.

Sirius: Why not? It'll create controversy. The press loves controversy!

Zamira: Are you implying that I'm not a true member of the press because I'm unwilling to create controversy?

Sirius: I don't know. Am I?

Zamira: (Scowls) Fine, Black. You win. I'll throw in a little something for your cause. The paper does need a little excitement.

Sirius: Fabulous, love. (Tries to take hand again)

Zamira: Not so fast, Black. What do we get out of this?

James: Erm...the pride of accomplishing something good for the cause?

Zamira: In your dreams, Potter.

James: Lil?

Lily: I'm going with Zam on this one. I don't risk expulsion for pride.

Sirius: Expulsion? Really?

James: (Raises a hand in Sirius's direction) Not now, Padfoot. Anyway, what do you propose we give you?

Sirius: (Hits James in the arm) Don't let them do that! They'll make us do something stupid and humiliating. Knowing Zam, she'll make me run through the school dressed as a chicken.

Zamira: (Smirks devilishly) Well, now that you mention it...

(Girls whisper back and forth to each other)

James: So, what's with you and Zam?

Sirius: Oh, she's always like that.

James: And you enjoy it? I thought you went for the beautiful and brainless types.

Sirius: Yeah, I guess. But, Zam challenges me. I kind of like it.

James: And she drives you mad.

Sirius: Yeah, that too.

James: Well, it's about time somebody did it.

(Girls stop whispering, and turn towards the guys.)

Lily: Alright, we've agreed on the terms.

Sirius: So, what are they, then?

Zamira: Patience, love. Lily, please proceed.

Lily: James, you're going to feed Duchess every night for the next three weeks.

James: Three weeks? Don't you think that's a little excessive?

Lily: Hey, gives you more time to practice riding her.

Sirius: Who's Duchess?

James: It's a long story.

Sirius: How long?

James: I don't know. About 29 letters or so?

Lily: You counted?

James: It's an estimate.

Lily: Anyway, that leads me to the second part of my terms: I want a demonstration.

James: Of my riding skills?

Lily: Yeah, you kept bragging about them. I want to see them put to the test. I wouldn't mind riding lessons either.

James: Well, you see, I haven't really gotten much time to practice-

Sirius: He'll do it. He'll give you lessons, and a demonstration, bake you a cake. Whatever you want. Do we have a deal?

James: I didn't agree to this!

Sirius: And that matters to me?

Lily: Deal. See you tomorrow at six, James. We can discuss the plans, then. (Gets up to leave)

James: Yeah, six. Back in here again?

Lily: Obviously. See you tomorrow, Batman. (Exits the room)

Sirius: (Looks at Zamira) Your turn, love.

Zamira: Alright, then. Since James is doing his part, my term requires something of you.

Sirius: Oh, Merlin.

Zamira: No, really. It's a very simple task. I just want you to join the paper staff.

Sirius: The paper? I can't write!

Zamira: Sure you can. Think of all the letters you've written. It's an easy job, anyway. All you'd have to do is cover the Quidditch games and write the occasional story on current events. You show up three days a week for an hour, and you're done.

Sirius: Zam, I'm too busy for a job like that.

Zamira: Oh, really? Because I distinctly remember you telling me once that you weren't in any clubs or on any committees, because all you felt like doing was being a lazy bum.

Sirius: That was not what I said!

Zamira: (Hands him an old letter)

Sirius: Ok, maybe I said something to that effect once. But, you took my words completely out of context!

Zamira: Hey, I'm a reporter. It's what I do. Now, are you in or are you not up for the challenge?

Sirius: Fine, I'll do it!

Zamira: Good, I'll see you tomorrow at lunch. I'll let you know what your responsibilities will be.

Sirius: Fine!

Zamira: (Starts to walk away, but turns back) Oh, and Sirius?

Sirius: Yeah?

Zamira: (Walks back to Sirius and snogs him for a few moments, before pulling away) Can't wait to start working with you.

Sirius: (Slightly breathless) Same here, partner. (Smiles widely as Zamira leaves)

James: Yeah, you're whipped, alright.

Sirius: Shut up, Prongs. You just wish Evans would do that to you.

James: Oh, yeah? Well- (Pauses and looks over at scribe) Wait, Peter, are you still writing this down?

END OF TRANSCRIPT

* * *

**1/22**

**Dear Mr. Lupin,**

**What is this joke you speak of? The HOHG has never been associated with Mia Bones or with Finnegan Lockwood. We don't appreciate such accusations. But, we are willing to forgive you. Please write us a real response by tomorrow afternoon. We'll send you back further instructions.**

**Sincerely,**

**The HOHG**

* * *

1/23 

Dear HOHG,

Fine, I'm willing to play along. I would like to join the HOHG. I don't trust you, I'd just like to join. But, I have one question. Do you have any hoagies in your fine organization?

Cheers,

Remus

* * *

**1/24**

**Dear Lily, **

**I'm extremely sorry that I didn't make good on my promise to write you a real response before now. It's been, what, over a full week since we wrote at all? At least two since we wrote about the usual stuff. Either way, here is your response. **

**We never got to play Exploding Snap in the torture chamber, but I'd be happy to play with you later today. Just a warning: I'm an EXCELLENT Exploding Snap player. So, don't feel too bad when you lose.**

**As you may have guessed, considering we met there several days ago, I figured out the password to your little room. However, have you seen half the school in there? No, you have not. I'm perfectly responsible. Nobody will be going in there without permission. (At least, not until I start setting up my Mystery Girl Memorabilia tour. Fifteen Sickles per person. For an extra five, you can actually attempt to ride Duchess. Starts on the hour from 12-6. Cash only. Tips welcome. Please, no flash photography or pointless shouting while on the tour.)**

**You're on for that bet. Prepare to owe me ten Galleons. You're still a wonderful student, nerd. You think I didn't hear that you have the highest grade in the year in Potions? Just because you have a secret alter ego that pulls magnificent pranks and thumbs its nose at the authorities does not mean you're a bad student. It just means you're not a very good Prefect, considering that kind of thing is exactly what you all are supposed to be preventing. But, they don't know that. So, come March, it's a given that you're name will be beside the Head Girl position on the List.**

**Maybe you're not the last sane person on Earth. You're just the last sane person at Hogwarts. **

**Hey, those answers were the truth. Mostly. Yes, I may have bended and twisted the truth a little bit, but I'm going on a philosophy that my father taught me as a kid: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Because, while the answers may not have been entirely truthful, they were entertaining as hell, right? As for how we got paired together, perhaps someone had an interesting sense of humor. But, do you not agree that once we got started, we were AMAZING?**

**Hey, do you really want me to ride Duchess for you? I'm afraid of what I'll do to her if I try.**

**Can't Get Much Sorrier,**

**James**

* * *

_1/25_

_Dear James,_

_Merlin, it felt odd not to have to write you for so long. Is it pathetic to say that I checked our little post office every day, awaiting the response? And that I beamed when I finally found the long-awaited response? Anyway, I guess I accept your apology, considering it wasn't like I was missing all that much anyway. Since we now sit near each other in class and at lunch, it's not like I don't get my daily dose of Potter. But, the letters are different. The glory of pen and paper seems to exist in a different realm, as opposed to the usual conversations (not that those aren't perfectly lovely.)_

_The games of Exploding Snap were very fun. But, you seemed unhappy. Why? Was it the fact that you lost six games straight? Or was it that you now owe me twenty Galleons?_

_Thank you. Your secret-keeping (and corrupt business plans) is impressive. I'm not opposed to a Mystery Girl tour. My only requests are that you feed Duchess, you don't tour at 2 PM, because I want some time with my pet, and that you make sure my room stays perfectly intact. Oh, and I want to split the profits 70/30 between me and you. Speaking of Duchess, where did you put her during our meeting?_

_Oh, that thing in Potions? That was dumb luck. Besides, Snape will probably outscore me in a matter of days. I'm only on top for now because Slughorn loves me. My name will not be on the List. Mostly because we will no longer have a list. At our last meeting, they announced that Prefects will now receive notification by mail in August, and the Heads will receive theirs in March. I think it's because last time Maria Ramirez and Gwen McKinley tried to beat each other to a bloody pulp over who got to see the list first last year. At least that means a little less suspense for us, with it still being in April. So, have you sent in your application yet? They're due by February 3rd._

_James, you're nice. You're funny. You're smart. But, have you ever considered that someday not telling the truth will come back to bite you in the arse? Lying's all fine and good when all you're doing is joking around, but what happens if you get yourself into trouble? You can't lie your way through life. However, your answers were somewhat entertaining, and I do agree that we are good pen-pals. It just took a few letters for us to get into the swing of things._

_I think you're really afraid of what she'll do to you. But, yes, I still want you to ride her. Just tell me when you're ready for a demo._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**Riding Duchess-1/25-1/27**

**1/25-2:00 PM**

**I attempt to get on Duchess's back, but Duchess merely growls at me, and tries to snap at my hand. For a lion that Lily frequently describes as affectionate, she sure is a pill when she wants to be. Attempt to mount again fifteen minutes later. Have to go to Hospital Wing to get bandages for bitten fingers. Madam Pomfrey asks what I've been doing. I say I was bitten by a dog. Luckily, Pomfrey does not seem to remember that there are barely any dogs at Hogwarts. Crisis averted. I also ask for some Calming Draught. Not sure what I'm using it for yet, but that stuff tastes excellent. A bit like strawberries.**

**1/26-1:24 AM**

**After giving Duchess some food laced with Calming Draught, she seems perfectly happy to let me on her back. Success! Now, I just need to figure out how to ride her. It shouldn't be that hard. I've ridden horses and brooms before. How different can a lion be?**

**1/26-3:02 PM**

**Turns out that lions are very different. While I'm able to get on her back, it's hard to actually get Duchess to move. There must be some trick to doing it. Lion tamers at circuses and zoos make it look simple. Then again, I suppose none of them ever tried to actually ride said lion. Have tried clapping and talking to her like a dog. She just sort of raises her head, as if to say, _"Yeah, yeah, maybe later." _I think perhaps the Calming Draught is too strong. Maybe I need a Draught of Peace.**

**1/26-7:58 PM**

**After many hours and a Draught of Peace laced meal, I'm finally having some success! Duchess actually moved when I had the idea to hold a fishing pole with some meat out in front of her, and dangle it just out of reach so she'd run after it. Not sure exactly how this will work, but it's a start. **

**1/27-6:13 AM **

**I set up the demonstration for Lily for one week from today. Merlin help me.**

* * *

**1/27**

**Dear Lily,**

**It's not pathetic. However, I do question your line about your "daily dose of Potter." Does that mean you have become a Potter addict? (Don't be ashamed. You wouldn't be the first girl.) Because, I know people who can help. Namely, the PAA (Potter Addicts Association). The PAA can set you up to go on a shady wilderness sabbatical with nothing but porridge and jerky, and a pair of clothes. They find that surviving the wilderness cures all problems. Anyway, I agree with your thing about letters being different from real life. They show different sides of people you've known forever. **

**You got lucky. I'd hurt my hand earlier that day. So, I'm not giving you twenty Galleons. Not until I get a rematch.**

**Seventy/thirty? Are you nuts? No, it should be 30/70. I came up with the idea for the tours, and if I have to feed Duchess, I deserve more money. If you agree to that split, I'm perfectly willing to satisfy the rest of your demands. **

**That was not dumb luck. At the very least, it was smart luck. Snivellus isn't half as smart as you, so don't worry about it. Plus, as you said, you're the apple of Slughorn's eye. How did you get to be the favorite? Aw, no more throwdowns over the List? Those were actually kind of fun to watch. Oh, well. I'm working on an application, but as you know, I'm a procrastinator. We have six more days. Why rush it?**

**I'm not lying. I'm just getting creative. Don't worry; I never lie about the important stuff. But, creativity isn't all bad. It's how I wound up with you. **

**See you next week at the demo, and prepare for the greatest spectacle of your life.**

**Working as an Agent of the PAA,**

**James**

**PS-You're setting up the prank for February 1st, yes? I want to make sure I'm there.**

* * *

_1/27 _

_Zam,_

_Thought we should start this up again. You said I needed to "practice writing," (How the hell do you do that? Are there writing drills? Writing stretches?) and I figured this qualifies. So, when is my story on this week's Quidditch game due again? I need to write-I mean I need to put the finishing touches on it. _

_I never told you about my parents because I never thought it was a big deal. For all intents and purposes, Mr. and Mrs. Potter are my parents. They're a better family than the shit-for-brains one I was given. Besides, normally we were going places. If you'd actually just wanted to hang around the house, all you had to do was ask. I just thought you wanted to go out and see stuff._

_I don't hate you. Yeah, at first I was angry. Angry you'd never told me before. Angry that you somehow thought Remus would be a good match for that psychopath. It wasn't directly your fault, but you were part of the destruction. You signed your name on the dotted line and said that they would be partners. You can't take that back. But, it was your job, and somebody had to get Mia. I just wish it hadn't been Remus. Any other sane person would've written her off as a bitch. But, Remus loves a challenge, and Bones was a big one._

_See you tomorrow at the meeting._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_Quidditch Story With Commentary by Editor-1/28_

_Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw_

_by Sirius Black_

_This weekend, there was a game between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw to a pulp, 340-110. James Potter and Marlene McKinnon were the top scorers with 70 and 50 points each, respectively. Great game guys, and get ready to slaughter Slytherin next month._

**_Well, that was...interesting. It has a good foundation, but you have to be fair, Sirius. Everything you said about Gryffindor has to be said about Ravenclaw as well. I liked the descriptive words and alliteration you used, though._**

**_I think I'll have Harold write this week's sports column. Work on it, and maybe you can write for the next game!_**

**_-Zam_**

* * *

**_1/_****_29_**

**_Sirius,_**

**_Yeah, you REALLY need to practice your writing. (Yes, you CAN practice writing. It's like running. The only way to be a better runner is to run. Same goes for writing.) I'm not gonna lie; the sports column you submitted was pretty awful. And it was written on a napkin. A napkin you spilled pumpkin juice on. Is this some kind of a joke to you? Because if so, I don't want you at the paper. I'll go back to being unbiased, thank you very much. So, here's your ultimatum: Actually try, or the deal's off._**

**_I did want to see stuff, but I wanted to know you, too. I wanted to figure out who you were off the paper. What I've seen so far has been pretty damn good, but part of that is seeing the weaknesses, too. I don't just want the good parts. I want the bad parts, the in-between parts, anything and everything. I just want to know that you trust me the way I trusted you with the motorbike thing._**

**_I didn't know how Mia was when I put my name on the dotted line. I didn't know how Remus was. I had no way of knowing that I'd care about you, and my pairing would go wrong, and it would impact you, or me, or him. If I had known you guys before now, I wouldn't have done it. But, when I was doing the pairings, you and the others were just faces in the crowd. _**

**_Want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? I'm sick of working. Luckily, most of the work on this week's paper's been done. Hopefully, the rest of the week remains uneventful._**

**_Loads of Love,_**

**_Zam_**

* * *

**1/31**

**Dear Mr. Lupin,**

**Excellent. Meet us in the Astronomy Tower in two days time at midnight. No, we do not have hoagies. Why would you ask such a question.**

**Sincerely,**

**The HOHG**

* * *

**_Hogwarts Tribune_**

**_2/1_**

**_Mystery Girl Returns!_**

**_by Zamira Knight, Editor-In-Chief_**

**_Mystery Girl, after a long hiatus, has returned in full force. This morning, Hufflepuff students reported that their common room had been transformed, turned entirely scarlet and gold. The Slytherins also said that their common room had been changed, but to blue and bronze. _**

**_The teachers are furious, but are unable to identify a culprit. They, as well as the Prefects, have issued a statement saying that the common rooms will be restored to their original colors, and that Mystery Girl will be found. However, no information has surfaced beyond that. _**

**_However, the main goal of this prank seems to have been achieved: To scare the targeted houses. Harold Macmillan, Hufflepuff, says, "It is a bit frightening, knowing that even Mystery Girl's against you. It seems like it makes the war even more unwinnable." _**

**_On the other hand, Head Boy Amos Diggory says this is the perfect opportunity, "This narrows the search by fifty percent. Finding Mystery Girl is going to be easier than ever after this."_**

**_So, is this a success or a slip-up? I suppose only Mystery Girl knows the answer._**

* * *

**_Page 2_**

**_"Perfectly Healthy" Girl Collapses: Dark Forces at Work?_**

**_by Zamira Knight_**

**_This morning, a frightening scene awaited students, as they saw Diana Rivers, 4th year Hufflepuff, unconscious and blue in the face. Due to the quick thinking of several 7th years, Rivers was delivered to the Hospital Wing. However, Madam Pomfrey says it was a close call, "If she had been brought in five minutes later, it may have been too late."_**

**_The oddest part? Rivers, who recently recovered from a broken wrist, was cleared just days ago to play Quidditch, with Madam Pomfrey saying, "She was perfectly healthy. I don't know what happened."_**

**_It's entirely possible she may have had some sort of allergic reaction to something in the food. But, a conspiracy theory has formed that someone spiked her meal with poison. This theory has nothing to support it, but it does raise certain questions on how safe we are from dark forces. At least this story will have a happy ending, as Rivers is expected to make a full recovery. In the meantime, Madam Pomfrey has announced that it would be in students' best interests to check their meals for poison before eating them._**

* * *

Dear Mia, 

This will be my last letter to you, as you already know, so I'm not going to write too much. I don't want to write much anyway. The whole reason I'm doing this is to put you in my past as soon as possible. I just wanted to tell you a few things, things which you may not understand or like. But, that's alright. They're more for me than you anyway. One, I'm not angry at you. Maybe I was at first, but not now. Now, I just feel a little sad, and I feel sorry for you. I know this is the part where you're going to call me a fool. But, you have pushed away a person who liked you a lot. Who was willing to accept your flaws, as long as you accepted them too. You've probably done it a million times before, too. You feel powerful, like you're a goddess, playing with mere mortals. But, you know what? Someday, you're going to want someone to love. Then, you'll look around, only to find that you've alienated anyone who could've been your friend. Mia, you've got problems. You've been hurt. Nobody just gets the way you are without a pretty powerful catalyst. But, you're stronger than you know. You don't have to take revenge on the world for one person's mistakes. That's why I'm not going to be mean to you now. Because then I'd be giving in to your little game again. So, Mia, goodbye. You were a heck of a lot of fun sometimes, I'll give you that. It's too bad it was all a lie.

Sincerely,

Remus

* * *

_******R&R!**** Next up: The guys deal with Valentine's Day, and the upcoming ball. **_


	9. The Valentine's Day Dilemma

**Yes, I know, I did it again. I made you wait for an insanely long time. But, Chapter 9 is finally here, the sweet and sad mixed together (Special thanks to Adele for assisting during Lily and James's letter exchange), and the dreaded Valentine's Day. Thank you to the reviewers, and all the people who read this and favorite it or put it on alerts. This wouldn't exist without you! So, without further ado, Chapter 9!**

* * *

2/3

Remus,

Still as naive as ever, I see. I understand what you're getting at perfectly, Lupin. They don't call me a genius for nothing. But, have you ever considered that I may not have a reason? That some people may just be lousy bastards, and there's nothing you can do about it? I know you want to have a kiss and make up moment, but guess what? I don't want one. I have friends. I have a boyfriend. I'm not alone, Remus. That's just the excuse you're using to make yourself feel better about getting your heart toyed with and thrown in the trash. The truth is I just didn't want you, and you can't handle that.

But, you know what really gets me about this whole thing? You're a liar, Remus Lupin. You weren't really willing to accept my flaws and make nice. You were willing to accept the flaws of the nice, caring, me. You want to accept my flaws? Well, here I am. I'm a selfish, cruel, bitch who might just mess with your head for kicks. Accept that.

You try and make yourself out to be this poster child for morals and virtue. Yet, all you care about is trying to make me into someone I'm not. You're just as bad as the rest of them. THAT'S why I'm not sorry. Because when it comes down to it, you were kind of a douche. You took advantage of me when you thought I was emotionally vulnerable, and tried to change me to fit your high standards. I'm not sorry that I can't be perfect, Remus. I've accepted that I'm damaged goods. But, maybe we need to reconsider who owes who the apology here.

-Mia

* * *

_2/3_

_Dear James,_

_Well, that was...interesting. Are you alright? I wanted to come in and see how you were doing, but Madame Pomfrey was being a psychopath again and said that "Mr. Potter has had quite enough visitors for one day." To which I wanted to reply, "If he's already had that many visitors, it doesn't really matter if I go in then, does it?" But, I didn't, because I'm polite to all the staff members, even if some of them are crabby old pains in the arse._

_Anyway, I hope you are doing OK. I don't think I ever really thought you'd try and mount Duchess, but it was brave (and very stupid) of you to try. You could've told me you'd only just gotten the hang of riding her, though. I would've made a deal with you. I'm not heartless, you know. I do care about your well-being. You're my mate now. However, I do feel overwhelming guilt for being the cause of your broken leg, so I will offer up a large get-well basket full of chocolate and the favor of your choice tomorrow, in an attempt to bribe you into silence about where you found the lion and who told you to do it._

_No, I'm NOT a Potter addict. I simply have gotten used to you being around. (Well, in a way that doesn't involve you hitting on me every day.) As for the wilderness sabbatical, I'm highly skeptical of the legality of that venture. In addition, why beef jerky? That's not exactly a nutritious meal. What, do you expect everyone to hunt and gather, like it's the 1700s again? _

_Aw, is someone a sore loser? I'm up for a rematch any time, James. Perhaps I could raise my winnings up to 50 Galleons._

_Potter, it doesn't matter if you won the Nobel Prize for Economics with your tour, I still get the profits, because I own the stuff. In fact, you're lucky I'm not making you pay rent for Duchess's room. Consider the current deal a favor because I'm so generous._

_Snape may be an arse, but he isn't an idiot. Trust me, he'll be on top again the minute I let my guard down. I don't exactly know how I became one of Slughorn's favorites. I was just good at school, and he noticed. If you didn't break school rules and set things on fire on a semiregular basis, you could be a favorite, too. You're pretty smart. Anyway, how's that Head Boy application coming along? I believe it was due today. I turned mine in yesterday, after finishing the last edits, with the help of Zam. Please don't tell me you forgot after I kept bugging you about it._

_That's how it always starts. You lie about why your homework isn't done. You lie about where your friend's quill went. But, it becomes a part of you, Potter. Soon every word that comes out of your mouth will be a lie, and you'll get so good you can lie to yourself and make it sound convincing. That's when the real problems start._

_To sum this letter up, I have a few short statements. I'm sorry. You were an idiot. I hope the chocolate's good. You're lucky you didn't die. See you in class._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_2/3_

_Zam,_

_I WAS trying. Just because I may not live up to your high standards as a writer, that doesn't mean I wasn't trying. The only reason it was on a napkin was because I had no paper, and I spilled stuff on it while I was editing it. Besides, I don't see you holding up your end of the deal. write something blatantly biased, and I'll write something...well, I'll write something decent._

_Zam, have you ever thought that maybe some people don't trust the way you do? You're willing to tell me your biggest secrets after knowing me on paper for what...three months? I don't do that, Zam. I've learned that you can't trust anyone with certain things. I only told James about it because I needed a place to live. I wouldn't have told anyone that I was living on the streets, had it been my choice. I only told you this because I like you enough that I wanted to give you a little of what you gave me. I know that you don't have a problem with seeing this stuff, Zam. But, did you ever consider that I do?_

_Yeah, I know you didn't know Mia, and I know this isn't really your fault. I just want someone to blame, you know? It seems like we should've noticed, should've known. We had time to stop Mia from doing what she did, but we did nothing. Not knowing about it still doesn't make that right. _

_Yeah, let's go to Hogsmeade. I don't trust the food at Hogwarts anymore, after that thing last week._

_-Sirius_

* * *

Charms-2/4

_Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Watch out for lions, Potter. -SB_

**Ha ha. Did YOU get three days off school, and no make-up work? Didn't think so.-JP**

_So, did you see that they're throwing yet another dance? How much do you want to bet that it'll be worse than last time?_

**Hey, if you don't like them, don't go. But, I figured this year it really wasn't optional for you...**

_What the hell are you on about?_

**You know, it's the Valentine's Ball, and you're with Zamira Knight. **

_Zam's not my girlfriend._

**Really? Then, tell me, what is the new term for when a boy and a girl snog every five seconds and go to Hogsmeade together all the time?**

_I didn't mean she wasn't SOMETHING. But, Zam and I never really labeled it._

**Wait, so you actually got a girl to agree to having a label-free relationship?**

_I think she was the one who suggested it, honestly._

**If you ever break up with her, can I ask her out?**

_Sure, if you enjoy being punched in the face and called a good-for-nothing douchebag, go right ahead._

**I think I would like that, actually. No one ever calls me a douche. It'd be a nice change of pace. Anyway, it doesn't really matter if you're her boyfriend, her friend with benefits, or if you pay her to snog you so you don't look like a dateless loser. All girls want to be taken to balls.**

_Actually, Zam said all she wanted for Valentine's day was to go to some Chinese place in London, but I don't think that's going to happen, so she said she'd be fine with going to the Three Broomsticks. Nothing special._

**Merlin, you're an idiot. When girls say they don't want to do anything special, that means they want YOU to come up with something special to surprise them. When Zamira said she wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks, what she meant was, "I want you to hijack all the planning for tonight, and get me something special." **

_Look, Zam isn't the kind of girl who wants me to plan everything for her. If she says she wants to go to a pub, I'm taking her at her word. _

**That's what Zam wants NOW. But, once she sees a bunch of other girls getting candy, flowers, and jewelry from their boyfriends, she's going to look at you and say, "Not good enough." Then, she'll find some poor sap who got dumped on Valentine's, ask him out to Puddifoot's, and you know how that story ends. Girls want romance, whether they know it or not, Black. **

_Prongs, that doesn't really happen-_

**Aaron Abbott, 4th year. Michael Pearson, last year. Fred Larson, last year. Finnegan Lockwood, last year, by the Queen of Bitches herself. Finnegan didn't do anything for Valentine's, Mia threw a fit, and the rest is history. You may laugh, but this happens every year on February 15th. It's more commonly referred to as the Valentine's Day Dilemma.**

_You've got to be kidding me._

**Unfortunately, my friend, it's all 100% true. So, get to working. You'll need something a little more special than a butterbeer to escape the relationship killer known as the 15th of February. I'll be busy working on getting Evans to go to the ball with me.**

_Ah, the yearly attempt. You think it'll work now that you're all friendly?_

**It might. But, this year my approach is going to be completely different. I'll be cool. Calm. Suave. I'll use some finesse.**

_James, you do not have finesse. You and subtlety parted ways long ago. In fact, you may never have been together in the first place._

**Look, it's not going to be very hard. Lily's my friend now, and we've already been to one ball together. Now that she knows who I am, I can't imagine she'll object.**

_I think who you are might be the reason she WILL object, Prongs. Don't overestimate yourself here. This is the girl who's said no to you so many times she came up with a hand gesture for it, because she was tired of saying it._

**Actually, I don't think she came up with that. It's a very old gesture. All you do is make a fist and put one finger up...**

_Just because it's old doesn't make it any less entertaining when she gives it to you. You get the point though, right? _

**That you enjoy bird-watching? In which case, I'll be happy to show you one.**

_I meant that just because you and Evans have stopped going at it every other sentence doesn't mean she's going to let you rush in and sweep her off her feet._

**Silly Padfoot. Haven't you learned now that I can sweep any girl off their feet if I use the proper technique? Anyway, I have to go finish up my Transfiguration essay. I'll try not to fake-cough on you.**

_So considerate of you. Have fun fake-vomiting in the "Hospital Wing."_

Hey, what did I miss?-RL

_Prongs is going to try and get Lily to go to the ball with him._

How long do you think it'll take for it to turn into a complete disaster?

_I'm guessing four days, tops. I just want to be there when he falls flat on his face. Then, I'll crack open a firewhiskey (because I'm presuming I'll need one by this point), and tell him I told you so. Payback for this dilemma shit. Oh, here's Flit-_

* * *

2/5

Dear HOHG,

Alright, I went to your hazing thing, only to find no one was in the Astronomy Tower. What are you guys trying to pull here? I'm not going to waste my time on some humiliating prank.

Cheers,

Remus

* * *

**2/6**

**Dear Lily,**

**I hope you feel honored. I've never risked my life for anyone on an African mammal before. Thanks for the chocolate. Those Snickers bars you were talking about were pretty good, though I still prefer the classic Chocolate Frogs. If you got the psycho end of Pomfrey, that's only half what I got. She kept lecturing me about "making bad decisions," and she forced me to take this medicine that tasted like a Blood Pop mixed with vinegar and onion juice every two hours. I think my tongue blistered every time I had to knock it back. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to taste properly again. But, I did get out of school, so that's always a plus.**

**I'm glad to hear that you like me enough to care that I die or not. It warms my heart. However, you don't need to feel guilty about it. It was my choice to try and mount a lion, and you didn't force me to do anything. I am looking forward to cashing in my favor, though. See the items attached.**

**Ugh, your denial only shows that it's the truth. Don't worry Evans; admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it.****Lucky for you, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, and I'm willing to continue enabling you. The wilderness sabbatical is perfectly legal, as long as you sign the proper wavers and contracts. But, for security purposes, we burn all contracts and wavers, so we technically have no records of who actually consented. Oh, well. Every business has its problems to overcome. Beef jerky was chosen due to its hardiness, and the fact that it could survive a nuclear blast. You could hunt and gather if you chose, or you could just eat the beef jerky, and stop being a smartarse about it. Would you rather be nutritional or starving?**

**Fine, I'll pay you your 64 Galleons, and concede that perhaps you're better at this than you look. I still hurt my arm, though, and I doubt you could beat me if I was at full health.**

**Wow, someone's gotten good at using manipulation tactics. Where did she learn them, I wonder? That's a load of BS and you know it, Evans. Your "generosity" is an excuse to get all the profits.**

**The answers simple, then. Just don't let your guard down, and Snape can't win. Easy as that. Hey, I take offense to that! We only set things on fire semiannually in the Marauders. Get your facts straight, woman. The Head Boy application has been completed, and I made a copy and enclosed it for you to peruse. I think you'll find it's incredibly well-written, if I do say so myself.**

**You've really got me pegged, don't you? The guy who just goes around lying to everyone, and doesn't worry about the consequences, because hey, I'm James Potter. Newsflash Evans, I don't lie to everyone. Not to my friends. Not to my family. Not to you. I don't lie to the people who count. I do wonder about where you got such an accurate description of liars, though. Could it be that Little Miss Perfect herself has some problems?**

**Wondering,**

**James**

* * *

**Head Boy Application-James Potter**

**Hello. My name is James Potter, and I'd like to be considered for the position of Head Boy. Now, I know what you're thinking: What business does that delinquent have applying for an important position like Head Boy? First of all, I take offense to being called a delinquent. I'm a hooligan at worst. Secondly, I think, in my own way, that I embody leadership, character, scholarship, and good public appearance. (Those are the correct traits, right? Or did I pick up the wrong brochure? It doesn't really matter; I embody any trait I choose to embody, so I can embody those traits too. You like my use of sophisticated vocabulary, Professor?)**

**Ok, leadership. Well, I do lead a well known study group, nicknamed the Marauders for unknown reasons (we never did anything that would give anyone the wrong idea), and I lead the Quidditch team. Both of these take incredible focus, determination, and the ability to defer any and all mistakes to your underlings. I'm sure those are all skills you'll need as a Head Boy. I also lead the student body, in a way. I don't know if teachers notice this sort of thing, but I am extremely popular, and I use this influence to get things done within the student body. For example, I organized the movement to get the house-elves to serve the chicken fingers on Tuesday. Unfortunately, others have tainted our legacy by saying we were involved with some kind of Sweet Potato Incident that involved smuggling and the destruction of all ingredients necessary for the sweet potato casserole (which we were NOT involved with at all, ALEX), but I feel proud knowing that an act by our study group caused this wonderful revolution in Hogwarts cuisine. **

**Next, character. I have incredible character. I'm respectful to authority*. I'm pleasant, and courteous to others*. I assume responsibility for my actions*. I am, in short, a model student. I think that's all that really needs to be said about that.**

**Another trait I clearly exhibit is scholarship. Now, it may not look like I'm devoted to my studies, but in fact I put more effort into them than I put into anything else. Some might say that the real effort goes into the "avoidance of studies." To those people I say: What the **** do you know, anyway? I have straight A's, and though my attendance record may not be the best, I do arrive alert and ready to learn most of the time to some of my classes.**

**Lastly, public appearance. I believe in the prompt you mentioned something about how others would describe me? Well, others would describe me as strikingly attractive, incredibly intelligent, brave, kind to all, a nature lover, an honest guy, and an amazing athlete, family member, friend, and human being. It's true that they might have used slightly different words, but the meaning was there if you looked.**

**In conclusion, I'm the next Head Boy. No ifs, ands, or buts. I just am. The end.**

_***Most of the time.**_

_***When it suits me.**_

_***I felt the need to specify that I assume responsibility for the GOOD actions. As far as I know, there aren't any recorded incidents of James Potter being a bad person. I don't think I'd feel the need to ask Filch, McGonagall, or any of the other students about that, if I were you. **_

* * *

**Enclosed with a ticket and a white lily-**

**About that favor...would you like to come to the Valentine's Ball with me? **

**Send me a response as soon as you can.**

**-James**

_**2/6**_

* * *

_**Sirius,**_

_**Please. I've seen you trying, and that's not it. Don't try and guilt me into apologizing for something that's your fault. I'm not falling for it. You have paper, a quill, and a brain. Use them, and THEN I'll write something blatantly biased for you.**_

_**However, I am sorry for pressing you about your house. Can I write it off as reporter's curiosity? Look, I'm not going to comfort you about your situation, because I know you don't want my pity. I'll try not to ask about your family situation anymore if it's a sore spot. Just...try, ok? Try and tell someone what's going on, or else you're going to explode someday from never letting any of it out. I also want to say thanks. It's rare to get someone who likes you enough that they'll share something like that with you. **_

_**Sirius, Mia played everyone. Remus seemed happy. You had no way of knowing that she planned to destroy him at the end of the semester. Just let the past stay in the past, alright? At this point, the would haves and could haves are already out of reach. **_

_**I know what you mean about the food. That story scared me. Do you think it was really poison?**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_Later, 2/6, left in the hiding spot_

_James,_

_Erm...have any other favors in mind? By the way, I really hope that wasn't the actual application you turned in. Actually, I'm really hoping that someone trying to impersonate you wrote that, and you wrote something else and enclosed that as a joke._

_-Lily_

* * *

**2/7**

**Lily,**

**What do you mean about other favors? Do you want to come to the ball with me or not? It's a very simple question, Evans. You're smarter than this. As for the application, what was so wrong with it?**

**-James**

* * *

_Later, 2/7_

_James,_

_Well, if it comes down to that, I guess the answer's no. I'm really sorry, James. _

_Nothing much was wrong with the application if you were aiming to come off as a smarmy bastard._

_-Lily_

* * *

**Even later, 2/7**

**No? But...why?**

**I was just trying to be funny, Lily. Lighten up, will you?**

**-James**

* * *

_Really late, 2/7_

_James, you're a good mate. But...I still don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. You know that. That's why I don't feel comfortable going to the ball with you._

_It WAS funny, James. But, it was also a mockery of the position and of the people who actually wanted it. Were you meaning to make fun of me, or was that just the sense that I got?_

_-Lily_

* * *

**2/8**

**You don't feel COMFORTABLE? I'm not asking you to be my fucking wife, Lily. I'm asking if you want to go to a stupid dance with me, which I'll remind you, you did just a few months ago. Why was it that you'd go with Mystery Boy without a second thought, but you won't even consider going with me?**

**I was never mocking you, Lily. I was just having a little fun with it. Is that a crime now?**

**-James**

* * *

_Later, 2/8_

_I could go with Mystery Boy because he was WORDS ON A PIECE OF PAPER, James. He didn't EXIST. You're real. You've hurt me before. I don't...I can't go with you, because you could hurt me again. I'm not ready for that. _

_There's a difference between doing something for fun, and screwing around on something that means a lot to certain people, James. If you want to joke around, do it with something else._

_-Lily_

* * *

**Even later, 2/8**

**Lily, I LIKE you. I've liked you for years. I never hurt you intentionally, and I never would. I know I was a jerk to you for years, but I'm different now. You've seen it with your own eyes. What are you scared of?**

**Lily, it's just another title. Something that nerds compete over to feel powerful. A sign of authority. Haven't you yourself walked all over authority this year?**

**-James**

* * *

_Really late, 2/8_

_I'm scared of last June. I'm scared of the ugly person I saw in my best friend, and I'm scared of losing someone else. I'm scared that you, without even knowing what you're doing, will barge right into my life and hurt me again. I'm scared of the fact that I could hate you for five years, and then you could come in with your silly letters and your detention assignments and your teasing and change my mind. I'm scared that you have enough power over me to change me, because the last time I let someone have that power, they turned it around and used it against me. I'm scared of how much I like you._

_Nerds, huh? Well, let me tell you a story about one particular nerd who would do anything to become Head Girl. Her sister graduated with honors from private school, and is getting married to some rich construction worker. Her Mum and Dad are oh so proud of her, and all they can say about their daughter's 9 OWLs and Prefect position is "That's nice," because they don't understand her or her life anymore. But, they do understand what Head Girl means. They know it means that you're the best of the best. So, the little nerd thought that maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could show them that she was special, too. She wasn't just the weird one, the one who everyone was fascinated by at first, but slowly lost interest in after the charm of the parlor tricks wore off and wished she was normal. She was worth the attention and the love, too._

_Is it still just a position, James? _

_-Lily_

* * *

**Really, really, late, 2/8**

**Lily...I'm really sorry. I never knew it was like that. I guess sometimes I get so caught up in the fun of screwing around I forget that some stuff really does matter. You were right when you said I lie to myself, Evans. I lie to myself all the time about how great I am, how great this joke will be. But, if it's any consolation to you, I asked the headmaster today if I could rewrite the application. He said yes. **

**I'm scared too, you know. I just show it in different ways. I never expected that I'd ever actually be friends with you, Evans. Now that I am...can I admit that I feel just a little out of my league with you? But, I think two people who like each other as much as we claim to can compromise with each other. Maybe we can figure something out instead of the ball, as friends?**

**Let me know what you think.**

**-James**

* * *

_2/9_

_Thank you._

_I think maybe we could figure something out. Sit by me at lunch? We'll talk. _

_You're doing it again. _

_-Lily_

* * *

**Later, 2/9**

**No problem. So, we're on for the Three Broomsticks?**

**Doing what?**

**-James**

* * *

_Even later, 2/9_

_Yeah, we're on. Make sure I don't chicken out, ok?_

_You're making me like you again. It's starting to get annoying. _

_-Lily_

* * *

_2/9_

_Zam,_

_Okay, you got me. Maybe I did write it at the last second and use some manipulation tactics in the hopes that you'd forget about it. You win. So, what do you want me to write?_

_Don't worry about it. I don't need the sorries from you. The house, the Mia issue-it's all in the past. We don't need to keep going in circles about it. But, I do need something from you: A date for the ball. You want to go?_

_I don't know what else it would be, if that girl was honestly in good health. No one drops over for no good reason, and I've seen You-Know-Who's supporters-they're nasty people, and they're everywhere. He's got to have at least one or two spies at this school._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**2/10**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Oh, no. I'm not going to tell you what to write about. You have to figure out what you want to write about. The only way you're going to try is if you write about something you're passionate about. So, go ahead and think about it. Take your time. I'm in no hurry, and I'd love to see what you can come up with if you set your mind to it.**_

_**The ball? I thought we were going to the Three Broomsticks. I guess we could go if you wanted to. I'll remind you though, I don't plan on doing much dancing. I don't think that'll be a problem for you, though. What changed your mind? **_

_**Wow. Scary. We'll just have to keep our guard up from now on, I suppose. Hopefully, it was just a one-off sort of thing.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_2/11_

_Zam,_

_Are you serious? You not only expect me to write something, you expect me to use my creativity? That's way too much for one guy, Zam. _

_Hey, I'm fine with not dancing. If you want to do exactly what you did last ball with me, I'd be perfectly satisfied by that. The only depressing thought is that you were stupid enough to have a good-for-nothing prat as a date to the last ball. I changed my mind because I thought you might want something a little more special than butterbeers in a pub. I know we're not exactly the ball kind of couple, but you did say I needed to learn something about romance._

_Hopefully. Who knows? It might have been a rogue house-elf. There's no indication that it was a student or a professor, and they never found any poison, did they?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**2/12**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Oh please. Sirius, you're a smart guy. Stretch yourself a little. Stop sitting on a couch and destroying your liver with firewhiskey, get up off your lazy arse, and do something with those brains. You aren't going to be in Hogwarts forever, and someday you are going to have to use those smarts you say you have and put them to the test. Guess what happens if you're out of practice? You fail the test, and you get fired, die, whatever. Not a pretty picture.**_

_**Black, no offense, but you can be pretty thick sometimes. Just because I didn't want to go to the ball doesn't mean I didn't want a romantic Valentine's Day. But, the most romantic Valentine's I can think of is just you and me. Maybe some food. Maybe some flowers. But, mostly just us, sitting, talking, snogging. I'm pretty easy to please, Black. All I require is the company of someone I really like and a good time. No pageantry needed.**_

_**Ah, now THAT would be a story. "Rogue House Elf Goes on Murderous Rampage!" I can see it now. That would get me a spot on the Daily Prophet for sure.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

**2.12 **

**Dear Mr. Lupin,**

**Sorry we are so late in replying to your last letter. We were there, simply where you could not see us. We have observed you, and deemed you worthy of our further consideration. Please come to our initiation ceremony on the 16th at the painting of the cherubs.**

**Sincerely,**

**The HOHG**

* * *

_2/13_

_Zam,_

_Fine, fine. I'll come up with some ideas. Give me a few days, alright? Maybe I'll investigate this whole poisoning business._

_Your wish is my command, Zam. But, how about we don't go to the Three Broomsticks. I've got a better idea. Meet me in the Gryffindor common room tomorrow night._

_You'll get a spot on the Prophet no matter what you do, Knight. You're too good a writer not to. That would just be a little extra support for your employment, not that you'd need it._

_I had a question for you: Have you ever heard of the Valentine's day Dilemma?_

_See you tomorrow._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_2/15_

_Dear James,_

_I had a lot of fun last night. Who knew that they had karaoke at the Three Broomsticks on Valentine's Day? Who knew that once you got smashed enough that you'd actually give it a try? That made my night. Thank you for taking me out. I had a lot of fun. Maybe we could do a Friendly Outing again sometime?_

_Speaking of, do you remember everything from last night? Or are you still nursing a hangover? If so, how do you think it went?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_**2/15**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**You outdid yourself! How did you find the Chinese place, let alone Accio the food all the way here? How was it still warm? Where on Earth did you find that gorgeous bracelet you gave me? I know I'm probably annoying you with my many questions, but I will say I had a fabulous time last night watching you try and eat with chopsticks, as opposed to parading around at some silly ball.**_

_**Aw, flattery. So sweet. Yes, I have heard of the Valentine's Day Dilemma. It's the silly name for when bitches with overly high expectations dump their boyfriends for no good reason. Why do you ask?**_

_**You weren't actually worried that I'd break up with you, were you? I didn't know the great Sirius Black cared about such things.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

2/15

Mia,

I would say it was a pleasure seeing you last night, but that would be a lie. Anyway, I'm sorry. You happy now? Even though you don't deserve it, I'll apologize. You win. Enjoy your prize. 

-Remus

* * *

**Later, 2/15**

**Dear Lily,**

**I had a lot of fun, too. I don't remember all of last night, though I do remember bits and pieces. Were you planning on reminding me that we snogged, or were you hoping I'd forgotten?**

**A Little Bit Amused That You Thought I'd Forget,**

**James**

* * *

**What do you think? Feel free to R&R, and thanks for being patient!**


	10. Unbirthdays and Odd Requests

**Well, here we are. It's been a long time, but I promise you, I intend to continue this story, and I finally have the long awaited Chapter 10 to present to you. Thank you to those of you who reviewed last chapter. I loved reading all the squeeing over a certain bombshell James dropped. This is another "gateway" chapter, but I promise you, we're getting towards the finale. So, I hope you enjoy the long-delayed chapter 10!**

* * *

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**2/16**_

_**Another Collapse at Ball, Tensions Rise**_

_**By Zamira Knight, Editor-In-Chief**_

_**Yet another girl mysteriously collapsed at the Valentine's Day ball. The victim, Samantha Price, a 6th year Hufflepuff, was found behind a table at last night's event, blue in the face. "She'd told us she was going to freshen up, and then she never came back. We never could've guessed that something like this would happen," Samantha's roommate, Amelia Bones, comments. **_

_**Her date, Frederick Davies, adds, "She only ate one of the cookies on the table and had a glass of punch. Tons of other people did, too." But, there are no signs of violence, allergic reactions, Unforgiveable Curses, and nothing to suggest anyone purposely suffocated her to the point of unconsciousness. This points to the theory suggested a few weeks ago, that food is being poisoned.**_

_**The staff has promised that they will look into the matter, and provide antidotes on every table, in case something like this happens again. As for a culprit, if one is found, they will be expelled, and criminal charges will be discussed. **_

_**So, what does this mean for us? Well, we all must be on high alert now, especially Hufflepuffs, because they're the only house that's been attacked thus far. If you're the culprit, please stop what you're doing and turn yourself in. This isn't a game, and one of your fellow students could die if you don't stop.**_

* * *

_2/16_

_Dear James,_

_Um...Well, we were both fairly intoxicated. I didn't know if I should say anything, because it doesn't really change anything. It wasn't a date, you and I are still just friends, and nothing mores' going to come of it. _

_So...weather's nice, isn't it?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**2/17**

**Dear Lily,**

**Funny, I remember being intoxicated. However, I also remember you spitting your firewhiskey back into the cup at the ball a while back, because, as you put it, "it tastes like piss." As that's the only alcoholic thing on tap that they'll serve to minors at the Three Broomsticks, I wonder, were YOU intoxicated? Or did you just want to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss you, and now you won't admit it?**

**You sure that's what you want, Evans? I'm willing to play along and keep being friends (for now), but we could snog a lot more if you'd change your mind. You seemed to like it quite a bit, if my memory's correct.**

**Yes, the weather's amazing. Your attempt to change the subject was abysmal, though.**

**Shaking His Head at Your Denial of the Obvious,**

**James**

* * *

_2/18_

_Zam,_

_So, it appears that this may not be the work of the house-elves after all. Any new ideas on who it might be? I'm thinking either Yaxley or Snape myself. Both of them are practically Death Eaters. I'd bet you fifty Galleons it turns out to be one of them._

_Glad you enjoyed it. As for how I got the food, I'll quote you on this one by saying, "I have my ways." The bracelet was actually one of the few family heirlooms I held on to. I was originally going to pawn it off for cash so I could rent a place. However, I inherited some cash and figured it would look better on your wrist. _

_The great Sirius Black doesn't care, love. Remember, there are still fourth-years who kiss their pillows at night and pretend it's me. I could have any girl in this school if I wanted her. (Except Evans, but she's a pill.)_

_-Sirius_

* * *

_2/19_

_Charms_

Do you think Flitwick ever notices that James is "sick" practically every week?-RL

_Eh, as long as he turns in his assignments and passes exams, i don't think he cares. Attendance is for lesser beings. Besides, we wouldn't see him if he was here. He's been attached at the hip to Evans for weeks now. -SB_

I suppose you're right. Do you think we could get away with it? As for Lily, give him a break. It's not like you don't spend a good amount of time chatting up Zamira.

_Maybe. I don't think it would work quite as well for me, though. I scraped by with exceeds expectations on the OWLs, and I can't fail out of this class. Yes, Zam and I do talk, but we also snog, which is your only excuse for choosing a girl over your mates. Mere friendship is unacceptable._

Exceeds Expectations is not "scraping by." That's getting an Acceptable when you think you're getting a Troll. I think Lily may have snogged Prongs, actually, if the idiotic grin he's been wearing the past couple of days is any indication.

_I DID think I was getting a troll. The fact that I actually got an OWL, let alone was let back into this class, is a miracle. Wait, WHAT? No. Prongs would've told us if he had snogged Evans. He would've told everyone. He would be screaming it in the middle of the Great Hall to random passerby._

Please. False modesty doesn't suit you, Padfoot. Maybe Lily asked him not to say anything.

_Don't see why she would. It's not like he's Harold Macmillan or something. You're not embarrassed to be seen with him. But, you're distracting me from my original purpose in chucking these paper balls at your head. What in Merlin's name happened between you and the Slag Queen at the ball? _

We got into an argument, that's all. 

_Argument? I heard it was the loudest bloody row anyone at Hogwarts had ever seen! _

People exaggerate.

_Did you really call her a two-faced whore in front of the entire hall?_

Erm...not a whore, no.

_Moony! Why on Earth did I let Zam talk me out of going to the ball so I could witness this spectacle?_

Look, I'm not proud of what happened between Mia and I, alright? I don't really enjoy calling people bitches to their faces, nor do I enjoy getting slapped by them.

_That skank actually had the nerve to slap YOU, after what she did?_

Yeah, right after I said she was a bloody slag, and I was glad to be rid of her. As you might guess, I'd had a bit too much firewhiskey when this conversation started.

_She deserved it, though. _

Save it. I've already apologized to her.

_You WHAT? Why on Earth would you do that?_

Look, even though she provoked me, I still don't like calling people slags. It means I've sunk to her level.

_That doesn't mean you have to actually tell her you're sorry. Why are you sorry in the first place? Mia Bones knows she's a slag. It's all anyone's ever called her for the last three years. _

Doesn't mean it's not offensive. I know you're not really a master of feelings, Padfoot, but girls generally don't respond well to being called slags, no matter how many people have called them that before.

_Yeah, but Mia and her lot always wore the title like an effing badge of honor. Is that really all you said?_

Oh, there's the bell. See you later, Padfoot.

_Moo-_

* * *

2/20

Lupin,

Look, I know I'm the last person in the world you'd ever want to hear from. But, I have to ask for a favor, and you're the only person I can think of that has the brains, the charisma, and the position to help me. You owe me for the ball, Lupin. Write me back with your consent. I'm a slag and a bitch, blah, blah, blah. I don't care. You're the only person I can think of that has the brains to help me out. I know you. Your code of honor says you should help me after what you did. But, if that's not enough, trust me, I can make it worth your while. Write me back with your consent.

-Bones

* * *

_2/20_

_Dear James,_

_Who ever said I was a minor, Potter? I'll have you know that I turned seventeen on the thirtieth of January. I could've drank whatever I wanted. But...are you saying you aren't a minor? Am I actually older than you? _

_I did not WANT to kiss you. Well...I didn't PLAN on it. You stumbled off stage, kissed me on the cheek, and then I turned my head, and we kissed on the lips by accident. We just didn't...stop kissing on the lips._

_I'm sure. We're good mates, James. I don't really want to be anything more, snogging or not._

_I wasn't trying to change the subject. I was just commenting on what a lovely day it was._

_All My Best (though not for much longer if you keep being such a prat),_

_Lily_

* * *

_**2/21**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**It might be one of them. What reason would they have for attacking Hufflepuffs, though? They hate Muggleborns, not badgers. Why do YOU think they'd do it?**_

_**Wow, really? That's sweet, in a weird way. However, my nosy reporter side wants to know: How did you get in the situation of having to pawn off all your stuff in the first place? What happened?**_

_**Aw, I suppose I should be flattered. If you don't care, I could still dump you. You could go off and give one of those fourth years the thrill of their lifetimes.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

2/22

Amelia,

How many times must I say it? I want nothing to do with you. I've already apologized. I feel no need to make anymore amends. If you think I'm helping you, you're nuts. There's nothing you could do that would make me want to help you. I'm a nice person, but there's only so much a guy can take.

-Lupin

* * *

**2/22**

**Dear Lily,**

**Wait...you've already had your birthday?**

**This means two things.**

**a) You're older than me by two months, which is very odd.**

**b) We never threw you a party.**

**These two crucial pieces of information have led me to the following conclusion: We must throw you an Unbirthday party. You cannot go uncelebrated. What day works for you?**

**Anyway, you weren't intoxicated, Evans. You didn't smell of alcohol. You didn't seem the least bit tipsy. You certainly didn't taste like alcohol. You're just lying because it looks better for you this way.**

**If it was an accident, you could've stopped at anytime. Don't make this about my feelings either, because we all know you have no trouble rejecting me. So, here's the million dollar question: Why didn't you?**

**Alright, fine. Just know you're free to change your mind at any time, Lily. **

**Buying Some Unbirthday Cake for a Certain Liar Whose Name I Won't Mention,**

**James**

* * *

_2/23_

_Zam,_

_I don't know. That lot hates everyone. Besides, we don't know what You-Know-Who wants. He could have some reason for telling them to poison a bunch of Hufflepuffs. _

_It's a long story, Zam, one I don't really like telling. It's all about the shit-for-brains idiots I call parents, and their worship of You-Know-Who. It's really a pretty shitty story. Not the least bit entertaining. I don't think you'd like it._

_Don't bluff, darling. I know you love me too much to do anything like that. Besides, you can't dump me. We're not dating. So, maybe I will go out and give a fourth year a thrill. What could you do about it anyway?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

**2/23, Divination**

**You think she'll believe me if I say I'm dying again this Wednesday?-JP**

It's worked so far. I can't wait for the day I never have to take this class again. -RL

**Amen to that. Hey, I forgot to ask, how did initiation go for the order of the hoagies?**

I'm...not sure. There were a bunch of guys in hoods who looked vaguely like Dementors. They all stood around chanting in gibberish, then handed me a robe and said I was in. I still have no idea exactly what I'm in. 

**That sounds...odd and cult-like. You sure this is safe, Moony?**

When has being safe ever mattered to you, Prongs?

**Touché. I just don't want them to force you to drink poisoned pumpkin juice and bow down to Zorad or whatever.**

All hail Zor-I mean, I'll be fine.

**Ha ha. Will you get me a t-shirt with that on it at least?**

Yeah, I'll make sure to grab you a "My best friend joined a Hogwarts cult, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt," shirt in the gift shop.

**Awesome. That's why you're the best Divination partner I've ever had.**

Your last Divination partner was Travers. I think anyone could beat him.

**My point exactly. So, when's the furry little problem going to crop up next? I've been so busy I forgot to ask.**

The twenty-eighth. Busy with what? I thought Lily was avoiding you.

**That's what I've been busy with. She's in denial. Plus, there's a party to be planned.**

A party?

**I missed her birthday. She never even bothered to tell me it was her birthday. I talked to her nearly every day in January, and she never said a word. I'm actually pretty pissed about it. But, never mind that. Now, I have to make up for missing it by throwing her the best party anyone's ever seen.**

Why? Did she tell you she wanted a party?

**No, and that's the point. She'll see that I care about her enough to put a bunch of time into planning a party for her, and then she'll get over whatever's eating her and finally agree to go out with me.**

Prongs, we've been down this road before. Why is this plan going to work any better than its many failed predecessors?

**This time I've got her. She can't reject me because she doesn't like me. I KNOW she does. She kissed me, for Merlin's sake! She can't deny it anymore, and if I can just make her see that I care, she won't have any reason to reject me.**

Speaking of unsafe...Prongs, that's a great plan in theory. I just can't see Lily going for some huge party, though. 

**What are you talking about? I know Lily, and I know how to make it something she'll like.**

There's no talking you out of this, then?

**No, not really.**

Fine. Just make sure Lily's not going to kill you over it, yeah?

**Silly Moony. She'll love it, I guarantee it. **

Famous last words, Prongs.

* * *

_2/24_

_Dear James,_

_Oh, Merlin. You're joking, right? Please, please, tell me you're joking. James, I don't need a party. Furthermore, you have no reason to plan me a party. We only became mates a few months ago, and you have no obligation to know when my birthday is, nor do you have any obligation to celebrate it with me. I had a low-key seventeenth. I had a small party with a few of my friends. Somehow, I don't think that's what you have in mind for my Unbirthday._

_I...I refuse to answer because I don't want to lie to you, nor do I want to incriminate myself. Believe what you want, James. I'm done trying to change your mind._

_Why didn't I? You want the truth, or do you want to hear that I'm madly in love with you? (Which is a lie, by the way.)_

_Not planning on changing it anytime soon, but thanks for giving me the option._

_All My Best (and a wish that someday someone will knock some sense into you),_

_Lily_

_P.S.-Will you stop with all this Evans nonsense? I'm making a conscious effort to call you by your first name, and I'd like it if you did the same. We're supposedly mates now, remember?_

* * *

_**2/25**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**They don't hate EVERYONE. That would mean they hated themselves, and they're all far to overly self-confident for that. I agree that they'd at least look down on Hufflepuff, and that they're not above hexing innocent people for kicks (like certain others I could mention), but I don't think they'd actually poison anyone unless they had a REALLY good reason. You-Know-Who has odd plans, though. You never know. I'm going to do some research on the subject. Meet me in the press office in two days at lunch? I could use your help.**_

_**I like all the stories you tell. But, if you don't want to tell it, I'm not going to be pushy. I'm trying to work on that kind of stuff.**_

_**I...I don't know. So, we're still not dating, huh?**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

2/25

Lupin,

Oh, really? There's absolutely nothing I could do for you? Nothing at all? Not even telling you what HOHG's about? Or would you rather know who I saw spike Samantha Price's cup at the ball?

I trust I've changed your mind, but I still need that letter of consent before I can tell my tale of woe. Reply quickly; this is a limited-time offer.

-Bones

* * *

**2/26**

**Dear Lily,**

**Of course I'm not joking. Why would I be joking? Lily, I am your mate. Since when did we start assigning levels to being mates. You're not my best mate, but that doesn't mean I don't like you enough to throw you parties. I do that for all my mates. Remember Marly's party back in November? No, I don't have plans for a small party, but I can change them, if that's what you want. I'm trying to give you a belated birthday gift, Lil. I'll make it whatever you want.**

**Are you done trying to change my mind, or are you really just admitting that I'm right?**

**I want the truth. That's all I've ever wanted. I wouldn't say no to hearing that you're madly in love with me, though.**

**Out of Clever Sign-Offs,**

**James**

**P.S.- Sorry. It's a habit. In Quidditch we call everyone by their last names. I'll try calling you Lily from now on, even though I think you're wasting an exceptionally good surname.**

* * *

_2/27_

_Zam,_

_Ok, they don't hate everyone, I'll give you that. They just hate 97% of us. Hey, Slytherins have very strange ideas of fun. (We didn't hex innocent people, by the way. Only James did that. Besides, most of them deserved it. he stopped after a while.) Anyway, I'll see you at lunch. How are you planning to research? I don't think there's a book lying around that tells you all the criminals who will ever attend Hogwarts._

_Thank you. You're not very...Ok, you're kind of pushy. But, it works well with your whole "reporter" thing. _

_Wait, the great Zamira Knight actually admits she DOESN'T KNOW SOMETHING? I think that's one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. Yeah, we're not dating. I mean we're...something. But, we're not dating. You were the one who said they didn't want labels._

_-Sirius_

* * *

2/28

Amelia,

You're bluffing. You have no idea what the HOHG is. You don't know who poisoned Samantha Price. You're just saying that to try and force me into doing something illegal for you, and then I'll get sent to Azkaban, and you'll just laugh manically.

No deal.

-Lupin

* * *

_2/28_

_Dear James,_

_Fine. As there's no talking you out of it, you can throw me a party. A very, very, small party. I mean it, James. I know how stuff gets with you. It starts off as "small," and by the end all of Hogwarts is there. Fifteen people max, that's it. However, I repeat my previous statement: You don't need to give me anything. My birthday was a month ago, and while it's sweet of you to be so set on giving me something, I didn't tell you about it. I don't deserve your gifts._

_No, you are not right. You're decidedly messed up in the head, that's what you are._

_Ok, then. Here's the truth: I don't know why I didn't stop. Maybe it was because I was curious. Maybe it was because it was Valentine's and it was nice to feel like I was wanted. Maybe it was because it just felt...good. I hadn't been snogged like that in a while, and it was so...rough. You didn't treat me like a china doll, too gentle and fragile to be touched. It was intense and a little sloppy and it tasted like firewhiskey and chocolate, but it was...it was you. That's all I'll say on the subject. Make of it what you will. I'm most certainly not madly in love with you, though._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

_P.S.-What? Evans? It's not a good surname. It's an incredibly plain one. There are a million Evans on this planet._

* * *

_**3/1**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I think it's really only 79**__**%**__**, but that may just be me. I wasn't sure where we'd get researching. I just thought there might be some situation similar to this in the past, some person we could connect with it. I want to talk to Samantha Price. I have a hunch she must've seen something. Same with Diana Rivers. **_

_**Aw, thanks. I'm glad you think it's sort of a good thing. I grew up with all my brothers, and I'm used to being nosy and getting away with it. I was spoiled rotten as a kid. Always got everything I wanted.**_

_**I never claimed to know everything. It's only people like you who make it look like I do. But, yeah, I don't know what we are. I know I asked not to label it, but that was three months ago. I don't know, don't you think three months is a long time to go around just being something?**_

_**loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

3/2

Lupin,

The HOHG stands for the High Order of Hogwarts Gentleman. It's a social club of sorts, only it seems more like a cult. It's top-secret, and invitation only. I'll keep going if you agree to help me out.

I know my word probably doesn't mean much to you, but I promise this isn't illegal. Nobody's getting sent to Azkaban for anything. It's just a very basic thing. It requires so little time and effort on your part, you'll barely even consider it a task. But, it's a task of vital importance for me and my future at this school.

-Bones

* * *

**3/2**

**Dear Lily,**

**Fifteen people's not a party, Lily. At least twenty-five need to be there, and that's a small gathering. But, I agreed to do this your way, and I'm good on my word. I promise, fifteen people is as many as I'll invite. You're being daft again, though. You deserve a party. Why wouldn't you? Sure, you didn't tell me about your birthday, and that's a bit odd, but you're still a brilliant bird and you deserve to be celebrated. Why don't you think so, Lily? Why do I have to keep telling you how great you are?**

**You know what I realized? You always add extra emphasis to sentences when you're denying something. Decidedly, most certainly...I never knew that people gave away when they were lying with their writing as well as their facial expressions.**

**It was me? What on Earth does that mean? I thought it was brilliant, too. You were surprisingly enthusiastic. Everyone always thought you were a prude, but you seemed to know exactly what you were doing. I think it'd be better if I was sober, though. You want to try it again?**

**Writing Up Some Invitations to My Allotted Fifteen People,**

**James**

**P.S.-Yes, but there's only one absolutely mad (and absolutely brilliant) Lily Evans.**

* * *

_3/3_

_Zam,_

_That stuff about Diana and Samantha seeing stuff...What if the person actually was a Hufflepuff? I mean, what if those two saw him talking to You-Know-Who or something, and this was their...warning or something. Their reminder to keep their mouths shut. I can't think of a Hufflepuff who'd actually be a Death eater or anything, but they might be hiding or something._

_I figured. You're not the sort to take no for an answer. I got stuff at first. But, once I stopped buying into all the blood purity shit, my parents must've decided I wasn't worth the money. I just bought my own stuff by selling stuff of theirs. _

_No, you make it look like you know everything, because that's how you act. You're a know-it-all, Zam. Admit it. Three months isn't really very long at all. To be honest, I still feel like it's January. But, we could be more than something, if that's what you wanted. Is it?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

3/3

Amelia,

Tell me what you want first. I'll agree if I think it's safe. But, you owe me. It doesn't matter what information you give me, you owe me more than that.

-Lupin

* * *

_3/4_

_Dear James,_

_I don't deserve a party. I'm irresponsible. I'm a procrastinator. I'm a wretched Prefect. I haven't even been a very good friend. I didn't want to tell you it was my birthday because I didn't want you to start in on me again with date offers because it was a special occasion. I've been horrible to you for years. You have absolutely no reasons to like me outside of these letters. That's why I don't deserve a party. I'm not a good person. You are, for planning a party for me and calling me wonderful and brilliant and all that after I rejected you ten million times._

_I don't do that at all. Wait...Damn it, I just did it again, didn't I?_

_It was you. That was what made it good, I think. Make what you will of it. I don't know what I'm talking about. Didn't I already tell you that? Wait, people think I'm a prude, too? Can you just give me a list of all the lies people tell about me? It would be really useful. I could hold a nice little press conference._

_Nope, it was a one-shot deal. Hope you were sober enough to remember it._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

_P.S.-There you go again. Why so many compliments? Although I don't appreciate being called mad, even if it's true._

* * *

_**3/5**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**That's brilliant! It would be the perfect cover. Who would think a Hufflepuff would attack other Hufflepuffs? As for suspects, I can think of one person who's devious enough. What would you say if I said I thought it was Amelia Bones?**_

_**Wow. Did you still get food and water and stuff? I was the only girl and I had my parents wrapped around my little finger. I just kept pushing until someone gave me what I wanted. Grey was the first person to ever call me out on my shit.**_

_**I'm not a know-it-all. I just know a lot, and I don't like to look like I'm dumb. But, I don't pretend I know everything. I have a lot of opinions, that's all.**_

_**I don't know. Is it something you want?**_

_**loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

3/5

Lupin,

Fine. I'll go first, but I give you no information until you complete my task. I need you to suggest to Dumbledore at a Prefect meeting or something that we form a Hogwarts student court system. Judges, lawyers, juries, trials, everything. I want you to suggest a Wizengamot-style system. I need it to be your idea, and one you fully support. It can't come from me. It can't be a half-hearted attempt. You also have to make sure it goes into effect immediately. This all needs to happen as quickly as possible. Time is running out.

By the way, stop calling me Amelia. I detest that name.

-Bones

* * *

**3/6 **

**Dear Lily,**

**So? Being a procrastinator makes you human. I'm one, too. You're more responsible than half the people at this school. You're a good Prefect when you're not breaking school rules, not because you bust rule-breakers, but because you honestly help the people of this school. You had every right to be suspicious of me. After all, old habits die hard, right? These letters aren't why I like you, Lily, but they're a big part of it. Just because you're writing it down on paper doesn't make the words any less true. I'm not a good person because I'm throwing this party in a vain attempt to get you to be my girlfriend for the ten million and first time, because I still can't seem to get it through your thick head that I actually like you. That's the only major flaw you have that I've noticed. **

**Yep. I find it interesting what you've denied now, looking back on previous letters. You're not madly in love with me, huh?**

**Look, stick in the mud and prude (both of which I've never believed) are the only things that circulate about you. You have a flawless reputation, Lil. Enjoy it. Embrace it. I think that press conference would be amusing, though. **

**The party's set for the seventeenth, is that alright? I have my own birthday ten days later, so I don't want the two parties too close together.**

**Blowing Up Balloons,**

**James**

**P.S.-You lack self-confidence, Lil. I compliment you all the time because I'm hoping it'll fix that. I at least hope you'll learn how to smile and say, "Thanks, James. You're wonderful, too. Maybe we should snog now."**

* * *

_3/7_

_Zam,_

_Bones? I bet it's her. She's smart enough for it, she's friends with a load of Slytherins, and she's a bitch. The pieces fit. She's one of Slughorn's little favorites, too. i bet she steals the poison from him._

_Yeah, I got food and stuff. i think they hoped I'd change my mind eventually, that I was just some little kid talking nonsense. Regulus was the favorite, though. I bet he'll be a Death Eater in a year or so._

_That's the definition of know-it-all, love. You won't let me be right, either. It's your way or nothing. All classic symptoms. _

_we can go back and forth for the rest of the year about this, Zam. You're the one who brought it up. You first._

_-Sirius_

* * *

3/8

Amelia,

Fine, I'll see what I can do. Now, give me information. But, what is all this stuff about running out of time? What did you do, Mia?

That's exactly why I call you Amelia. I think I have the right to irritate you.

-Lupin

* * *

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**3/11**_

_**Dumbledore Announces New Hogwarts Student Court**_

_**by Zamira Knight, Editor-in-Chief**_

_**Headmaster Dumbledore announced today that, at the suggestion of sixth year Prefect, Remus Lupin, Hogwarts will form a student court. What is a student court, you might ask? Well, instead of sending school cases directly to the headmaster and deputy headmistress, we'll have a student jury, and students can elect lawyers to speak for them, if they choose. The headmaster acts as judge, and in particularly serious cases, the Board of Governors may also have a say.**_

_**This may be the saving grace for many troublemakers. Will the Marauders, some of the most popular guys in school, ever really face punishment at the hands of their fellow students? (Were they ever really punished before?) That may be part of the reason Lupin suggested it. But, it also means extra work for the teachers and students. Why change a system that works?**_

_**Who knows why exactly Dumbledore's decided to do this and do it as soon as possible? All we know is that the Hogwarts justice system will never be the same.**_

_**Potential jurors will receive letters next week. The Head Boy and Head Girl are leading a meeting regarding this topic for jurors two days after you receive your letter.**_

* * *

_**3/12**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I'm really worried. I know this court thing is supposedly Remus's idea, but I think someone must've suggested it to him first. I was looking up this kind of thing for my article, and look what I found:**_

_"Proceedings in all criminal cases are to be brought to the lowest court that is able to handle the case before they're brought to the Wizengamot, excepting murder and the use of Unforgivables."_

_**Whoever this person is, they can get out of going to Azkaban, if they're tried by the Student Court instead of the Wizengamot. **_

_**On the other hand, I don't think it's Mia Bones. Her family's one of the most reputed in the Wizarding World. Her dad's the head of the Magical Law Enforcement department. Her brother's already training to become an Auror. She doesn't seem like she's the type to join You-Know-Who. Not in a family like that.**_

_**I can't really swap stories about being the unloved one, because well...I was the favorite. Well, we were all the favorites. My parents are pretty unbiased. **_

_**I will let you be right! I just...don't like to be wrong.**_

_**Fine, maybe I want to. Maybe I'm not as tough and jaded as I seem, and all I really want is to have some boy tell me he loves me. Happy now? It's your turn.**_

_**Loads of love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

_3/12_

_Dear James,_

_Thank you. You're not a bad person, either. Is that really why you're throwing this party for me, though? _

_Of course I'm not madly in love with you. However, I think Peter might be. You prepared to let him down easy?_

_I don't want a flawless reputation if it means no one thinks I ever have any fun! It sounds like I'm a nun or something. Sister Lily, the girl who did nothing but pray and chide others for their depraved behavior. Even the other nuns thought I was no fun._

_The seventeenth is great. I can't believe it's only five days from now, though. This month has flown by._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

_P.S.-I'll work on taking a compliment, but I'm never going to say, "Maybe we should snog now." I don't think anyone really says that._

* * *

3/13

Amelia,

Ok, I did as you asked. Now, it's time. I want my information. There's still time for me to tell Dumbledore this was your idea, you know.

-Lupin

* * *

_3/13_

_Zam,_

_Merlin, this person's really gone to some serious trouble to cover all their bases. they must be in some serious shit if they're that afraid to go before the Wizengamot. I'll ask Remus who did it. He'll give me a straight answer._

_Are you kidding me? That's exactly the sort of person who would join up with Voldemort. He'd love having a spy like that. Besides, it's always the bad seeds from the good families who are desperate to fit in somewhere. It's as common as the pure-blood elitist, trust me. It's got to be her. I can't think of anyone else._

_Hey, if you're parents are unbiased and kind and all that, why did you call them things like vases and toasters in your first letter? Did Zamira Knight...lie?_

_Admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it, Zam._

_Well, maybe I actually like some girl, but she's too stubborn and jaded to tell anyone she likes them, and I don't want to be rejected. Does that make YOU happy?_

_-Sirius_

* * *

_3/13_

_Oy, Moony,_

_Who came up with this idea of student courts?_

_-Padfoot_

* * *

Later, 3/13

Padfoot,

Me. Why?

-Moony

* * *

_Even later, 3/13_

_Moony,_

_Stop shitting me. Who REALLY told you to do it?_

_-Padfoot_

* * *

Late, 3/13

Padfoot,

Don't tell anyone this, alright? I had an agreement with Amelia Bones. She knows something about this HOHG thing, and it seemed like a pretty harmless deal. She doesn't want anyone to know, though. Not sure why.

-Moony

* * *

_3/14_

_Zam,_

_Meet me in the courtyard at noon. We have ourselves a suspect. _

_-Sirius_

* * *

**Next up: The gang investigates Amelia Bones and her increasingly suspicious behavior, and Lily and James receive an unexpected surprise.**


	11. Passing Notes and Potter Logic

**Well, hello everyone. It's been a looong time, but here it is at last. It's about 2,000 words longer than normal, if that's any consolation. This chapter was originally planned to cover a much longer period of time, but as I wrote I found that this chapter would be far too long if I'd went for the timespan I wanted, so it took a while to hash all of that out, as well as dealing with all the normal troubles in life. A few notes:**

**a) Sorry to Remus fans, this isn't his chapter. I think at this point he's studying hard, trying to undo the damage Amelia did to his grades, and doesn't really have much time to write. I promise you, he'll play a MUCH bigger role in Chapter 12.**

**b) In one of the note exchanges below, Sirius's font briefly shifts to underlined italics. This wasn't meant to confuse anyone; I only did it because has a very limited set of ways to characterize writing styles, and having two characters writing in the exact same font to each other wasn't working.**

**So, thank you to those of you who reviewed, read, and patiently waited. I hope you enjoy this one! Here it is, without further ado, Chapter 11:**

* * *

_3/15_

_Dear James,_

_Two things-_

_1) Why haven't you answered my letter yet?_

_2) DO YOU HAVE IT?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**Later, 3/15**

**Dear Lily,**

**1) I will soon. It appears I may have misplaced it. **

**2) Yes, I have it, but I haven't opened it yet. Have you?**

**Looking For That God Damn Letter,**

**James**

* * *

_Even later, 3/15_

_Dear James, _

_1) How did you misplace it? Don't you just leave them all on your desk?_

_2) Not yet. Do you want to open them together?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**A bit later, 3/15**

**Dear Lily, **

**1) The fact that you know that is scary. Are you sneaking into our dormitory, Evans? Sorry, LILY. (I still think you're wasting a perfectly good surname.) I think it may have gotten mixed up with the plans.**

**2) Can't. I'm in a meeting, and technically I'm not supposed to be writing this. But, how about we both open them, wherever we are, at exactly 5:00?**

**Temporarily Detained,**

**James**

* * *

_4:05 P.M., 3/15_

_Dear James,_

_1) No...I had to go up there to fetch Remus for rounds once. I happened to see a huge pile of letters on your desk, that's all. (Do you keep them all?) No sneaking. What plans?_

_2) Alright James, what's going on? What sort of meeting would you be detained in? I don't think any clubs are meeting today, and you aren't a Prefect. Fine, we open them at 5. Are you excited?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**4:33 P.M., 3/15**

**Dear Lily, **

**1) That still doesn't explain why you were looking at MY side of the room. I would show it to you if you asked, you know. (Yes, I keep them all. They're evidence that Lily Evans actually can stand me, and that's invaluable.) The secret sort of plans that Lily need not know about.**

**2) A Marauder's meeting. Yes, I'm absolutely over the moon about it.**

**Wondering When You Got So Nosy,**

**James**

* * *

_5:03 P.M., 3/15_

_Dear James,_

_I'm proud to announce that you're now corresponding with Hogwarts's next HEAD GIRL! Can you believe it? What did your letter say?_

_1) Well...I was curious. Forget about it, James. I know exactly what a "grand tour," of yours entails, trust me. (Good. I thought I was the only one who did.) There are no plans that Lily can't know about._

_2) About what? Your enthusiasm (and obvious sarcasm) is apparent in every word you write._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**5:20 P.M., 3/15**

**Dear Lily,**

**Congratulations! I can't really say it's a surprise. All I have to say is that the Head Boy's one lucky bastard.**

**1) Who did you hear about my tours from? Trust me, yours would be much better than the usual ones. You'd get the ultra-deluxe Lily Evans tour. I think revealing my plans to the future Head Girl would be...imprudent.**

**2) About important Marauder business, like eating hot wings in the kitchens. **

**Planning the Ultra-Deluxe Lily Evans Tour,**

**James**

* * *

_5:43 P.M. 3/15_

_Dear James,_

_Thanks! so...you're not Head Boy? _

_1) Well, if this tour doesn't entail the extremely dirty things I suspect it will, I'll take you up on it. C'mon, I'm Mystery Girl. I can keep a secret. Please? For me? _

_2) Ugh, blokes. I'm guessing this has something to do with these mysterious plans you won't tell me about?_

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**6:03 P.M. 3/15**

**Dear Lily,**

**Are you disappointed, Lily? I would've thought you'd be relieved.**

**1) Damn. In that case, I'll have to rework the tour completely. You sure you aren't up for the original? It'll take a lot of effort to think up something better than what I had. That was a hell of an ultra-deluxe Lily Evans tour. Oh, no. Not for me. Whenever you say for me I can just picture those big green eyes looking all sad and disappointed in me. Where do birds learn to make that face that makes you want to do whatever they say to keep them from crying? It could be used as weaponry. We're planning something related to the most glorious day of the year, that's all I can tell you. **

**2) Maybe. I'll let you form your own conclusions on that one.**

**Trying to Block Out the Image of the Disappointed Lily Face,**

**James**

* * *

_6:21 P.M. 3/15_

_Dear James,_

_I don't know. A little bit disappointed? Just think of the fun we could've had. The Marauder and Mystery Girl. We would've been the worst picks for Head Boy and Head Girl in history, but that would've been fine because we would've messed up together, and we could blame it on each other at reunions and say the fact that ten thousand Doxies were let loose in the castle was definitely the other's fault. Now I'm stuck with that stick in the mud Owen Davies, aren't I? Or is it Amos Diggory, who yells loudly that the firefighters are on their way to put out my hair every time I pass him in the halls because I rejected him once in fourth year?_

_1) Depends. Do I get free swag on the original tour? In that case, I may be able to put up with the dirty bits. I don't know. Where do blokes learn to make that face that makes them look like complete and utter arseholes when they're around their mates? One of life's great mysteries. Hmm...most glorious day of the year. Your birthday (which isn't, by the way)?_

_2) Now I know I'm right. So, here's the real question: Can you bring ME some hot wings? I didn't know the house-elves made those._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**6:58 P.M., 3/15**

**Dear Lily,**

**You know, I've never thought about letting ten thousand Doxies into the castle. We'll have to try that next year. We can blame it on Diggory (who apparently needs to have a nice chat with my wand and my left fist). Owen Davies? Honestly? It's a good thing I'm Head Boy, or you'd be in a real mess. Two stick in the mud Heads? That could only lead to trouble.**

**1) Lily Evans, I will give you a unicorn and all the chocolate you want on this tour. How's that for swag? Uncalled for, Lil. It was a fair question. You have to remember that blokes really don't understand your lot at all. We need some answers from time to time. Nope, not that self-centered, although my birthday is pretty damn brilliant. Next guess?**

**2) Honey-barbeque, mild, spicy, or the fire-breathers? This time you come down and get them yourself, Lily. You're not bedridden, and I know for a fact all you're doing is homework and writing these letters. Nothing too important. **

**Pinning on the Badge,**

**James**

* * *

_7:24 P.M., 3/15_

_Dear James,_

_James Potter, you lying little...You know, if I wasn't relieved that I didn't have to go on rounds with Owen three times a week, I'd be using some very inappropriate words right now. "One lucky bastard?" Really, James? _

_1) What would I do with a unicorn? How would you get your hands on one? They prefer young girls, and unless you've been hiding something massive, I don't think you are one. Are you? (I think we addressed this question back when you were Mystery Boy, but I want to make sure your answer hasn't changed.) As for chocolate, you know I only accept Snickers bars, or the fudge-mint swirl bars they sell at Honeydukes at Christmas. So...yeah. Any other ideas on swag? Er..Easter? Running out of ideas here._

_2) Spicy, please. Fine, I'll meet you down there. Only because there's hot wings, though. I'm far too lazy, tired, and furious with you to come for anything else. I can understand homework coming from you. (How do you intend to pass your N.E.W.T.s again?) However, you're calling the LETTERS unimportant? That's blasphemy._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

**3/16**

**Dear Lily,**

**I'm pleased to inform you that I've found your letter and can now respond properly to it. I feel like I should respond to your rage first though, as I've learned having an angry Lily is never a good thing. I'd like to point out I never lied. I said the Head Boy was lucky. I never said I wasn't the Head Boy. Yes, I am one lucky bastard. I'm Head Boy, and I'm probably the least likely candidate ever. The only downside is that I have to make sure that mad Lily Evans doesn't blow up the school. (Kidding. I haven't forgotten the truce. It appears you may have, though. Watch out, Lily.)**

**Yes, I'm unashamed to admit that I'm throwing this party due to my ulterior motives. Well, that and you're my mate. I also like to party, so that factors into it as well. But, my dastardly plan is the main reason I'm throwing you the party. Speaking of, it's tomorrow. Did you remember? What do you want for it? (That question means nothing because I've already bought you something, and you better like it. I just needed to get the formalities out of the way.) **

**Please, Lily. We all know the REAL reason you were so disappointed when you thought I wasn't Head Boy. I've had a speech for Peter prepared for years. I'm just waiting for the day when he makes his declaration.**

**You are most certainly NOT a nun. Nuns don't snog blokes, do they? I think you've already begun your journey into the world of depraved behavior. You can never turn back now.**

**Now onto your last letter: You could ride it around Hogwarts. You'd never have to walk to class again. For the last time, I'm not hiding anything. Case closed. No more questions on the matter. Okay? Okay. I can get you fudge-mint swirl bars. I can get you all the fudge-mint swirl bars you like. Now, when can we set up the tour for? Easter...ha! You're cleverer than this, Lil...think of what Marauders love.**

**You're right. I'm sorry, letters. You're most definitely not unimportant. You're one of the most important things I've ever done. Homework...eh. It can wait.**

**Getting the Common Room Ready,**

**James**

**PS-You sure I can't call you Evans? It feels funny calling you Lily all the time, and I've already told you what a spectacular surname you have.**

* * *

3/17

Remus,

That's brilliant! I knew you were the man for the job. Well, it's time to hold up my end of the deal. Here's what I know on the HOHG:

Two years ago, the year my brother was a sixth year, he was invited to join the High Order of Hogwarts Gentlemen as well, being a Hufflepuff prefect, and the likely candidate for Head Boy. (This is exactly what he became, being the know-it-all overachiever he is. Did he not understand that I still had to attend this school?) The Order was much more straight-forward back then; I believe its new management has led it off-course. Back then it was just a social club. The boys sat around and played chess, drank a lot, and the nights I spent with them were very tedious and boring. But, they occasionally pulled off a particularly interesting prank which made it worth it. They were the Marauders before you, but larger, more official. and probably better than you. Every year they choose a new head, whom they refer to as the King in polite society, because the Order has and will always be a group of self-important bastards who fancy themselves royalty. (You're not quite there yet, but if you join I'm sure you'll turn into one quickly.) The King decides what the group does all year. I know the current King, and while I can't be sure what he's doing, I don't think it's going to end well for you. The group's activity follows none of the usual patterns, and the King refuses to tell me what they've been up to. This could be that he's a really shitty King and hasn't done anything, but I'm highly suspicious. So, stay away from the HOHG. Whatever the King has planned for you, it's not going to be pleasant, and as entertaining as that would be to watch, you helped me out, and I can't turn my back on you. Not just yet, anyway.

So, there we are. You've heard all about the HOHG. I've made good on our deal. I'm through with you. Congratulations.

-Mia

* * *

_**3/17**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Well, I guess we can add Mia Bones to our non-existent list of suspcts. I can only think of one reason why she'd recommend those courts, and that's to get herself out of trouble. (I don't see why she'd need it. She's Albert Bones's daughter. They couldn't lay a finger on her if she'd been caught murdering an entire town full of Muggles.) I've arranged a meeting with Sam Price in two days at dinner. Can you make it or are you still busy with all your mysterious plans?**_

_**I can't think of anyone else either, and that's what worries me. It's improbable that Mia did it, but not impossible. We don't have any solid evidence, though. I'm not turning someone in based on an educated guess. That goes against everything I believe in as a reporter.**_

_**Because...well, I do have some issues with my parents. They just weren't quite what I made them out to be...or maybe they didn't really exist. I was a little angry with them at the beginning of term because they were in denial about Grey's accident. They got a lot better about it though, though. I also wanted to sound a little cooler than I was. You were on about how your parents were shit-for-brains, and I couldn't compete with that. In the contest for most snarky and cynical, you win, hands down. (The rest of the stuff in the first letter was all true. I am the house champion at Mugs, make no mistake about that. I can whip your arse at Mugs.)**_

_**I'll admit I'm a know-it-all when you admit how stuck on yourself you are, love. Honestly, I'm not sure whether you'd rather be snogging me or the tender crook of your elbow.**_

_**Yes, it makes me very happy, if it means what I think it means. We can discuss it at Lily's Unbirthday tonight.**_

_**Loads of Love,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

**3/17-Potions Class**

**A very merry Unbirthday to you, future Head Girl.-JP**

_Why thank you, Future Head Boy. How have you seen Alice in Wonderland?-LE_

**Hey, why the tone of surprise? I'll have you know I'm quite culturally aware. **

_James, you told me the other day that you didn't know what a flashlight was._

**Yes, but I don't NEED those. I mean, a quick Lumos does the same thing. However, I do need entertainment, and the nearby town only has three shops and a movie theater. They show a lot of those alienated movies there.**

_You mean animated movies?_

**Yeah, those. The drawn ones. Anyway, Sirius and I went to see it one day because it looked vaguely magical. It was a trippy little thing. I liked the movie they showed after that better. It was from a few years back, much newer than the other one but still old. Our theater's horrible like that. It was about this brilliant bloke who stole from the rich and gave to the poor**.

_Robin Hood. _

**That was it. It was pretty good, better than a lot of them. Of course, nothing beats Rocky. That movie was great. There was Carrie, as well. It was a double feature, Rocky and Carrie. They dumped pig's blood on this girl after she becomes queen of the school and then she uses nonverbal magic to kill everyone. It was bloody brilliant. **

_I saw Rocky as well. It was much better than I thought it would be. Carrie...no. I don't like horror movies. They're all stupid or too gory. I mean, pig's blood? Really? Then, everyone died. What a surprise. _

**Well, you couldn't expect it to be all smiles, could you? What sort of films do you like, Miss I'm So Cultured and Refined?**

_I saw a movie called Network which I quite liked. Then, there was a movie I saw last summer, Murder by Death. It was the funniest movie I saw all year, it was great._

**What, you don't like Carrie, yet you find people murdering each other funny? You're far madder than I'd previously thought, Lily.**

_No, that's just the...You know what? Forget it. I'm not in the mood to argue over who has the better taste in movies_.

**Because you clearly know I'm right.**

_No, you're not. Potter, you need to learn an important life lesson, which I'm be happy to teach you: Just because I give up arguing with you, it doesn't make you right. It just means I'm too exasperated to fight the Potter logic._

**Yes! You called me Potter! What's Potter logic?**

_Why is my using your surname a cause for celebration? Potter logic is the strange reckoning you use to determine things, such as you being right or me being in love with you. _

**I'm right on both counts and you know it. Oh, I was excited because this means I can call you Evans now.**

_Wait, WHAT?_

**Look, you said that you wanted me to call you Lily because you were calling me James. Now, you've cracked and called me Potter, so that means I get to call you Evans. It's really simple.**

_Damn Potter logic. Fine, you can call me Evans, but only because I really don't want to argue anymore and I kind of missed it._

**Excuse me, could you repeat that, Evans? I think I'm hallucinating, I need to see it again to be sure it's true.**

_I'm not repeating it. You know full well what I wrote, James._

**Why are you blushing so hard, Lil? I thought you just said you missed being called by your surname. Is there anything else on your mind, perhaps?**

_It's just...I'm a redhead, we blush, okay? Okay. Let's change the subject. How's your Volubilis going?_

**It's an odd light green color. Is that how it's supposed to look?**

_Erm...not exactly. Have you added the three drops of syrup of hellebore yet?_

**Wait, three drops? I thought it was three spoonfuls.**

_Oh, for the love of Merlin, James! You want me to come over there and help fix it?_

**I would, but you should finish your own first. Don't want you getting an incomplete on my account.**

_I finished ten minutes ago. It's fine, I'll be at your desk in a second._

**Ten minutes? How on Earth did you finish this monstrosity ten bloody minutes ago? In that case, by all means, help my poor Potions-impaired self.**

_It was actually kind of easy. I just followed the directions and went from there. You were probably doing fine until the hellebore slip up._

**Oh, I can assure you, I was NOT doing fine. I think this thing may have taken on a life of its own, I'm not sure. I think it's slowly trying to ooze its way out of the cauldron.**

_Okay, better now?_

**Much. Thanks, Lil. Bowing down to you once again.**

_No need, my friend, no need, even though it's awfully amusing._

**So, I need to get to the point of this note, before my cauldron explodes. Unbirthday party, tonight, Gryffindor common room, 7:00. You're not going to skive off, are you?**

_Will there be cake?_

**Obviously.**

_Well, of course not! I'll see you at seven._

**Bring a silly hat and some alcohol, if you have it.**

_Alright, then. Silly hat. Got it. No alcohol on me at the moment, unfortunately. Anything else?_

**Prepare for the greatest Unbirthday you've ever seen, darling.**

_Darling? _

**Got a problem? It's either darling or Evans. Which will it be? **

_The Potter logic strikes back...Let me get back to you on it?_

**Roger that, darling Evans. See you at seven.**

* * *

_Later, 3/17_

_Zam,_

_Yeah, I'll be there. I don't think we have any planning that night, but I'm honestly not sure. No idea on the courts, because you're right, Daddy's little princess could be spotted by Dumbledore himself performing all three Unforgiveables on the professors and she'd get off scot-free. That's why I'm not anxious to turn her in, even if she did it. If I'm wrong, well, let's just say Mia will make sure both of us have a nice corner cell in Azkaban._

_Honestly Zam, for a Ravenclaw, you're an idiot. You thought I would only like you if you made up some shit about your parents? I've got enough drama of my own to last a lifetime. You even have some real stuff going on, with your brother. Why didn't you just tell me the truth from the beginning, instead of bitching about something that was barely even real? _

_For the love of Merlin, Zam, haven't we been through this before? I'll admit I'm selfish. In fact, I'll scream it to the entire hall. Just give up the fight for once in your life and admit that you're not as God damn perfect as you want everyone to believe. No one's going to be all that surprised because NO ONE'S PERFECT, Zam. Not you, and certainly not me. _

_I'll see you at Lily's Unbirthday tonight._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_**Very, very, late 3/17**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I'm a know-it-all. I'm a liar. I'm selfish, I'm horrible, I'm really, really, drunk right now and I just want to go back to a time before I admitted all of that. You know I thought you were lying, right? I'd heard about the Blacks, but I just thought you were being a poor little rich boy because your parents wouldn't buy you the new Cleansweep or something. I heard about you, but I didn't want to believe it. But, that first letter...it was so patronizing and you called it all a joke and I just wanted to make you crazy for a bit because you didn't know how long I'd spent planning all of this for Dumbledore. I basically thought you were an arse. So, yeah, I tried to drive you a little mad for the first couple letters. I'm good at driving people mad, being all manic and prying and gossipy like I am. That's why I don't have too many mates, besides Lily and chloe and a couple people on staff.**_

_**But, you weren't an arse. Not really. Maybe I was being an arse too, I don't know. Everything's all muddled. The point is that...well, I really hope you don't mean what you said. About me being a liar and you saying that maybe we should stop writing for a bit. **_

_**You know what's really driving me mad right now? I should be completely furious at you. I should be ready to kill you, for saying the things you did last letter. But, that might be the thing I like best about you. You call me out on my shit. I'm full of it, I know I am. We all are, aren't we? Even you, although you're a lot more upfront about it than most people. But, you say it all the time, how full of it you are. You never take yourself too seriously. Maybe that's why I love you.**_

_**So, what I'm really trying to say here is that I'm sorry. I fucked everything up, lying to you back then, but that was a long time ago. Right now...well, I don't think you're an arse at all.**_

_**This didn't make any sense, did it? **_

_**Oh, well.**_

_**That's why you're not getting this.**_

_**That's why I'm going to leave it in my bag and let it rot.**_

_**Because I'm a coward, and I'm terrified that you won't say you forgive me. You tend to hold long grudges, Black. **_

_**I really am sorry, though.**_

_**Love you loads,**_

_**Zam**_

* * *

3/18 - Charms

**Padfoot, what happened? -JP**

_What do you mean what happened?-SB_

**Last night. Unbirthday party. We were all having a good time, going along. Then, at the very end, I hear you and Zam have some big row and you call her a liar and she was crying and it all got very messy and that was it. When did you get into the business of making girls cry, especially girls you've been snogging since January?**

_She is a liar. She lied to me about her parents. She kept telling me about her mother being some bored society wife and her father being unfaithful, and really her mum runs some shop in Diagon Alley, her father's a barkeep, not a member of the Wizengamot, and they've been together all this time._

**So?**

_SO, it means that Little Miss I'm a Reporter, I Always Tell the Truth basically spun a little web of lies just because she wanted to sound cool or some shit like that._

**Sirius, the first time we met you told me you were Godric Gryffindor's direct descendent. **

_I was eleven! For all I knew, I could've been._

**The point is we all lie to look cool. You do it all the time. I've heard you tell at least six different girls that you have an Order of Merlin, Second Class in the last year because you fought You-Know-Who himself.**

_No, the Order of Merlin was for slaying a dragon._

**You know what I'm getting at. So, why is this thing with Zam getting to you?**

_Because it's Zam. _

**Because it's...What the bloody hell does that mean? Wait...now I know exactly who you need to talk to.**

_Prongs, what are you doing? Don't you dare give that paper to her. Don't you-_

_Who the hell do you think you are, Sirius Black, making Zam cry?-LE_

_Well, I think I'm exactly who you just told me I was, thanks for asking. -SB_

_You know what I mean. I walked with her to her dormitory last night, she was an absolute mess. _

_Why weren't you there in the first place, Evans? I seem to recall seeing you go upstairs with James after a bit..._

_Don't assume things Black, and stop trying to change the subject. The point is what on Earth did she do that was so bad that you decided to call her a liar and stop writing letters?_

_She lied! She lied back in the very beginning and never thought to tell me!_

_Yes, I understand that, and I think that on a certain level you do have a right to be angry with her. But, was that really worth destroying six months of friendship, a lie that barely harmed anything?_

_Yes._

_Really, Sirius? You know she was going to apologize, right? As I walked her to the dorm, she said she was going to write you a last letter, to apologize._

_Well, she must've changed her mind, because I never got a letter._

_As well you don't deserve one either. There's a fine line between being angry with someone and deciding you dislike them enough to make a scene like that in public. Tell me Black, did Zam tell you any lies after that?_

_I don't even know. I mean, that story about her brother could be a complete fake._

_It's not and you know it. You've seen Grayson, haven't you?_

_Well, yes, but it could've been a ruse, for all I know. Zam's lied to me and that's the point._

_Oh for the love of Merlin, Sirius! This isn't some conspiracy novel. Zam made a mistake in the beginning. We all make mistakes. Your own mates make hundreds of mistakes, much more costly mistakes, and you forgive them without a second thought. Why isn't Zam getting the same treatment?_

_Because she's not some slag! She isn't supposed to be a liar. _

_Sirius...this doesn't make her Mia. I hope you know that, Zam wouldn't ever pull a stunt like that._

_How do I know that? She might've been playing me all along, getting a story for her bloody paper!_

_Because you know Zam. Zam has never been anything less than trustworthy after that point. I've heard her talk about you, and I doubt the only reason she was with you was to get some story for the paper. She would've told you anyway. She wouldn't have compromised her reporting principles. She would've rather died first._

_I don't know anymore. I thought we had something in common. I thought for the first time I'd met a girl who at least kind of understood what I was going through. _

_You have hundreds of other things in common. You get on so well! Why did you need this to make it special? Why couldn't Zam the way she was just be enough?_

_She was enough. Maybe that was the problem. _

_So you're saying she was fine, but you're just not in the mood to forgive her?_

_No. _

_I give up, Black. But, just think about what you're throwing away here. _

_Actually, I think it's better if I try not to._

* * *

_Still 3/18, still Charms_

_Your mate is the thickest person in the entire bloody world!-LE_

**Yeah, I'd say that's a fair statement. I take it he didn't tell you why he wouldn't talk to Zam?-JP**

_No. The only thing I was able to get out of him was that he's worried she's really just like Mia, and she's using him, which is entirely ridiculous._

**No, I can kind of see it. I've heard about Mia's letters, which were supposedly incredibly convincing. Who's to say she didn't get the idea from Zam?**

_Because Zam isn't a bloody lunatic! Amelia Bones has always been bad news, but I've known Zam for two years now, and she wouldn't hurt a fly._

**Point taken. Well, it appears there's nothing our meddlesome selves can do, so why don't we let them work it out? Here's a more pressing question: Did you have fun last night?**

_Yes, loads of fun. The exploding cake was quite clever, and I was highly amused by your hat. Did you get it at Zonko's?_

**Where else would they sell a hat that shouts rude things at random passerby every five minutes? Your present was even better than my hat, though. I think I meant to give it to you when you came up to the dorm, but I forgot.**

_Oh, yes, the mysterious present you talked about all night. I completely forgot about that as well, but that was more due to the fact that I was a bit tipsy._

**Ah, yes! The tables have turned, where you were the smashed one and I was the one having to manage you. You seemed quite loopy by the time I took you up to lie down.**

_Why didn't you just send me up to the girl's dormitory? Please don't tell me you were trying to take advantage. I think much more of you than that._

**Evans, please. I'm a gentleman. No, I actually did try getting you up the stairs, but you were really having a hard time making it up there and obviously I couldn't go up, so I decided it would be easier if I just took you up to our dorm so you could sleep it off. But, you were surprisingly coherent and decided you wanted to talk instead of sleep.**

_Oh, Merlin. Oh, bloody fucking Merlin. What did I decide to talk about?_

**What are you so worried that you said? Are we hiding something, Lily? Well, you badgered me for a long time on what the special day was, and I eventually gave in and told you it was April Fool's. After that, you started boasting that Mystery Girl could probably outdo the Marauders, and well...we made a wager on it.**

_I'm really afraid to ask, but what exactly did we bet?_

**Well, you said if you won, that I could never ask you out again without your say-so.**

_Really? I was coherent enough to add the say-so bit?_

**No, I negotiated that bit in. I had to use my circumstances to my advantage a little bit, and there might be a time when you'll change your mind, Lil.**

_What was your end?_

**If I win, I get to go on a proper date with you. No more rejecting, no more evading, no more pretending things didn't happen. A real date at the time and place of my choosing.**

_I thought as much._

**However, being the kind and generous person that I am, I understand that you made the bet under questionable circumstances, and I will allow you to back out if you wish.**

_A wager's a wager, no matter when it's made, so I suppose I'm still in. Just a warning though Potter, I don't lose._

**Coincidentally, I don't either, Evans, so I suppose one of us is going to be disappointed.**

_I'll let you cry on my shoulder._

**What kind of flowers do you want me to buy you, or do you prefer chocolates?**

_As of last night, neither, I prefer vodka. I'll have it at the victory party I throw when I can say I beat the Marauders at their own game._

**Careful Evans, now's not the time to be cocky.**

_I don't think you're one to be giving judgement on the matter._

**Ouch darling, that hurts.**

_Can I write you never calling me darling again into the bet?_

**Only if I can call you darling every day after you lose. There's the bell! Have fun planning, Evans. Shame it's all going to be wasted.**

* * *

3/19

Amelia,

What about the other thing? The person you saw spiking Sammy Price's cup?

-Remus

* * *

3/20

Remus,

You picked what you wanted to be told. I gave you the option, and you chose the former. Sorry, I'm not telling, not for free.

-Mia

* * *

Later, 3/20

Amelia,

That's ridiculous. You told me you'd tell me both. You need to tell me, anyway. This is evidence in a serious criminal case, Bones.

-Remus

* * *

3/21

Remus,

I don't NEED to tell you anything. It's my evidence and I'll do what I like with it. Besides, telling a Prefect I'm the only one who knows who did it? Doesn't that look just a teeny bit suspicious to you? I'm about three steps from expulsion, Lupin. I'm not putting my arse on the line for this.

As for me telling you I'd tell you both, perhaps you misinterpreted a few things. Wouldn't be the first time. Maybe I was simply lying. That wouldn't be a first either.

-Mia

* * *

3/22

Amelia,

You're a selfish, cold-hearted bitch, you know that? People could die because of you.

-Remus

* * *

Later, 3/22

Remus,

Thank you. I work hard at it. As for people dying, that's the reason I'm not telling you. I can keep people from dying all by myself. I don't need your help, or anyone else's.

-Mia

* * *

_**Even later, 3/22**_

_**So Black,**_

_**You didn't turn up to see Sam Price or Diana Rivers, but as you were very involved with this, I thought I'd ask: Would you like me to tell you what they said? Last letter without your say-so, I promise.**_

_**-Zamira**_

* * *

_3/23_

_Dear James,_

_I thought I would respond properly to your letter, as we've done a lot of note passing but not much writing as of late. Something to work on, I suppose. James, you may not have lied, but you were thisclose. If anyone's breaking the truce, it's you, for what's more insulting than lying to me? However...you're better than Davies or Diggory, so I'll take it._

_You still have yet to give me my present. Were you bluffing and saying you had one or have you just been a bit absent-minded and misplaced it or something? I'm not fussed either way; you gave me a fantastic party. I'm just wondering, considering how much you talked it up._

_Oh, yeah? What reason would that be? I'm glad you're prepared. It's bound to happen any day now, you know. All those shifty looks he's been giving you across the room haven't gone unnoticed._

_Fine, I'm not a nun. I'm like Madame Pince forty years early. All I need to learn is how to angrily mutter French swear words and I'll be set. I can be Hogwarts's next harpy librarian. _

_Ooh, that actually does sound rather brilliant, me riding around Hogwarts on a unicorn. I think I'd prefer something a bit more exciting, though. Maybe a hippogriff or a Chinese Fireball? Just a few suggestions. Get me a hippogriff and some fudge-swirl bars and I'm yours. Just pick a day and time._

_Really? I'm more important than your homework? You flatter me._

_All My Best,_

_Lily_

* * *

_3/24_

_Knight,_

_What the hell? I'm bored. Sure, send over a report. _

_-Sirius Black_

* * *

3/24 - Charms

_Wow, you're actually here and you're sitting by me instead of Evans. Is something wrong, Prongs? - SB_

**I wanted to sit by my best mate today. Got a problem, Padfoot? - JP**

_Nope. Now the real reason, if you please. _

**Fine, I want to strategize some more. **

_Prongs, the plan is PERFECT. We literally cannot make it any better than it is. It's detailed to the extreme. You're normally the one telling us to lay off the planning and take a rest. What's got your - Evans. It's Evans, isn't it?_

**Well...you know, maybe. There was a slight wager and it involved the prank and I thought-**

_Prongs, what is the one rule? The rule YOU came up with? _

**Birds don't ever interfere with Marauder business, I know. But, this is Lily and...**

_Yeah, it's Lily. Lily, the girl who has treated you like shit since day one. _

**That's not fair.**

_Oh yeah? You sure? Lily, who's been rejecting you, Lily who insults you, Lily who won't even acknowledged that she bloody kissed you-_

**Padfoot, I'm saying this for your own good: Shut the hell up.**

_Why? Shouldn't you know the truth, instead of being blinded by the perfection that is your perception of Lily Evans?_

**You know what? I never said she was perfect. In fact, she's the farthest thing from it. She's mad, she's rude when she wants to be, quite mouthy, never knows when to stop, and completely afraid to change even the slightest bit. But, that's only a fraction of who she is. She's also brilliant and funny and sweet when she wants to be and she makes you feel like you could be the greatest person in the world for her. Don't blame whatever the hell your problem is with Zam on Lily. It's your problem if you let the bad outweigh the good. This is my shot. This is my one chance to force Lily out of her shell, to finally get her to own up to something she's known for months now but doesn't want to contend with. Because guess what? Liking someone, loving someone, it's not about finding someone who's absolutely perfect in every way. It's about pushing them to be better, and maybe I haven't done enough of that with Lily, maybe I put her on a pedestal. But, that ends now. So, we're going to win or die trying, because this is my grand opportunity to finally win over the love of my life, and if you think you're going to stop me, go to hell.**

_So, when do you want me to schedule the next meeting?_

**That's what I thought you'd say. Tomorrow, maybe? Not sure, I'll have to think about. I'm glad you're on board with this, Padfoot.**

_You really think this bet can change six years?_

**Of course not. But, it might be enough to start a new chapter.**

* * *

_**3/25**_

_**Oh Merlin Black,**_

_**It's her. It's really her. I can't believe it, but Amelia Bones did it. I saw the thing holding the poison with my own eyes. It's utterly impossible, but somehow it isn't. **_

_**I met with Samantha Price the other night at dinner, as you know. Now, it turns out she and her friends weren't just at the ball to dance, they were helping out beforehand as part of a detention they'd all gotten for being out after curfew. Guess who had been in charge of preparing refreshments? None other than the Wicked Witch herself, Mia Bones. Now, I don't know how she would've gotten Mia to choose a particular cup. Perhaps through the Imperius Curse? I'm not sure. But, it seemed off to me. Then, she said something else that disturbed me: The last thing she saw before going unconscious was a flash of blond hair. Mia could've easily slipped away from her date, spoken with Sam while she sipped her drink, waited for her to fall over, and discreetly placed her under a table on the other side of the room. Sam wouldn't have questioned her being around; she was one of her best friends. It would've been perfect, too easy.**_

_**I convinced Madame Pomfrey to let me see Diana the next day, and I'll admit, I was freaked out. All the pieces were falling into place. Now, Diana, in for a broken ankle, was in quite a bit of pain, so her mind wandered a bit. However, she did say the last thing she remembered was getting into a row with one of Mia Bones's friends, Amara Gregory. Mia was apparently in the room, but wasn't paying attention. I began to think maybe Mia wasn't responsible, she just thought Sam had been hungover and stuck her behind a table to sleep it off. That was when she reported the last thing she saw being blond hair as well. She said something about it being late, as she was up working on an Arithmancy project after everyone left the common room. Now, who would be able to enter the common room that late without attracting suspicion? Only another Hufflepuff from upstairs. I thought it might be Amara, but she's a brunette. So, maybe Mia was pissed on behalf of Amara, went downstairs when she knew no one would notice, and got Diana. **_

_**This all pales in comparison to the last thing I saw. As I was on my way to the office tonight, I saw Mia glaring across the hall at Finnegan. I suppose they must've had a row again. Well, then she began fiddling with a necklace, and guess what I saw? Several drops of blood-red liquid dripped out, sizzling as they hit the floor. Mia jumped about ten feet away. You know what it means, don't you? Mia's been hiding the poison in that huge necklace she's always wearing, just waiting to tip it into someone's pumpkin juice and kill them. I don't know why, and I honestly couldn't guess. The real question is should we tell?**_

_**-Zamira**_

* * *

**3/26 **

**Dear Lily,**

**Good! It's wonderful that you're not mad at me, especially because of tomorrow. You do know what tomorrow is, don't you? **

**I don't bluff. I have a present, it's absolutely magnificent, and I promise you will get it sometime soon. The problem is I appear to have...well, I may have misplaced it. **

**The shifty looks, the stolen glances. Lil, I've known since third year. In second, I thought it was Remus, but then I realized he only liked looking at Remus because he was trying to figure out where all his scars came from.**

**Nah, you're far prettier than Madame Pince. She's always been a hag, that's why she's so bitter. You, on the other hand...well, you have no trouble in that department. You're also a bit nicer, so I don't think you'll grow up to have the lovely disposition she does. Besides, cussing in French? That's far too much work. Just cuss in English, Evans. It works the same way. **

**Hippogriff and chocolate coming up. How about that becomes part of our date?**

**Hoping You Know About Tomorrow,**

**James**

* * *

_Later, 3/26_

_Zam, You Genius Reporter, You, _

_Tell him, tell him now. We both will, if you don't have the guts to do it yourself._

_-Sirius_

* * *

_Even later, 3/26_

_Dear James,_

_Oh, I know exactly what tomorrow is. I've got a little surprise up my sleeve, as well. _

_You really need to be more careful with your things, don't you? First, the letter now the gift. Is all the planning worrying you so much you've lost your marbles?_

_You know, those scars of his are rather interesting. Where did they come from, do you think? I mean, they're nasty things, and they've been there forever. Do you think he was messing about with his wand when he first got it or something?_

_Aw, thank you. As you know, I'm not at all afraid to cuss in English, so don't worry about that. I think cussing in French takes more talent, though. I mean, the only thing that tops that is swearing in Swedish or Vietnamese. I suppose I'm Professor McGonagall, then? Extremely stern but respected?_

_Or it could be your gift to me at my victory party._

_See you tomorrow morning!_

_All My Best,_

_Mystery Girl_

* * *

_**Latest, 3/27**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I've done it. We've done it. Dumbledore seemed to believe us, and I saw Amelia heading that way on the way up to the tower. Now the question is whether she'll know what's coming and be able to wriggle her way out.**_

_**Does this mean you forgive me?**_

_**-Zam**_

* * *

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**3/27**_

_**Marauders In Leagues With Mystery Girl? Investigation Underway.**_

_**by Zamira Knight, Editor-in-Chief**_

_**Students woke to a surprise this morning, as the Great Hall was enchanted to celebrate the birthday of one infamous Hogwarts student, James Potter. The candles in the sky were multicolored and bewitched to spell out, "Happy Birthday Prongs!" As Prongs is a nickname used by the Marauders, the teachers immediately suspected that perhaps the infamous pranksters had put it together to celebrate one of their own. However, that was when they noticed the strange pink cursive hovering in the air next to it, reading, "Love, Mystery Girl." **_

_**That wasn't the only thing odd about that morning. The candles were bewitched to sing Happy Birthday obnoxiously loudly all morning, and the only food served for breakfast was frozen yogurt, in every flavor and color you could imagine. While students enjoyed the odd celebration, the staff did not. As Mystery Girl was nowhere to be seen, the Marauders were questioned on whether they knew anything. The staff is on alert for any hijinks from them, putting this year's April Fool's prank in jeopardy. Although with Mystery Girl in town, I doubt we'll be lacking for entertainment.**_

* * *

**Later that morning, 3/27**

**Spellotaped to the dormitory door**

**Well done, Evans, well done indeed. Can't fault you for ingenuity. Getting us put on watch for your prank? Genius. I guess this means you really plan to challenge us, then?**

**Game on, darling.**

**-Potter**

* * *

_**Even later that morning, 3/27**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**Dumbledore just sent me an owl. He told me not to publish it, but Mia Bones was found with poison matching that used on Sam Price. Looks like we caught ourselves a criminal.**_

_**-Zam**_

* * *

Latest that morning, 3/27

Remus,

Once again, I'm in need of your assistance. It appears I've been arrested, and you're going to be my lawyer in school court. Now, here's where you say no. But, trust me when I say this: When you hear what I've got up my sleeve this time, you won't have a choice.

Seeing You Very Soon,

Mia


	12. Pranks and Possible Psychopaths

**Hello, all. So...it's been practically seven months since my last update. Long time, no see, huh? I'm very, very sorry for the long wait. All I can really say is that life got in the way, along with some crippling Writer's Block. But, I am not going to give up on this story, so don't worry about that. Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed or liked or alerted. Whether you were here seven months ago or discovered this story since then, thanks for reading. It means the world to me.**

**A couple of technical notes before we get into the chapter. The underlined italics return for Sirius, as, once again, writing two in italics is too confusing. Secondly, the brackets in one of Sirius's letters represent slashes, because FF is stupid and does not have slashes. This story also has not been thoroughly edited/betaed in an attempt to get it to you all as quickly as possible, so sorry for spelling or any other mistakes.**

**After a very long wait, I hope you all enjoy Chapter 12!**

* * *

3/29

Mia,

No. I'm done. Say what you want. Release whatever information you have. I honestly don't care, anymore. You are deranged. You have attempted murder. You need help, but not from me. Clearly you messed up a spell somewhere between third year and now, because you have some kind of mental problem. You treat everyone around you like shit, yet you still expect them to do you favors when you want them.

I'm sick of you. I've been sick of you since January, yet you keep hanging around. Why is that? Do you just think I'm that much of a pushover? Or are you secretly a little bit fond of me? I know that's laughable. Fondness is an alien concept to you. The only person you've ever been fond of is yourself. 

Either way, I don't know why you did what you did. I can't explain it, and I'm not going to try to. That's up to you. I hope you enjoy life in Azkaban, Mia. Perhaps you'll finally realize that people aren't toys and you cannot do what you please with them.

-Remus Lupin

* * *

3/29

Remus,

I typically wouldn't answer your letter as thoroughly as I am about to, but I have nothing better to do (I'm confined to a makeshift prison cell in an empty classroom up near the Divination Tower for now). I'm not really surprised by your answer. I was surprised by how assertive you were. You haven't been this aggressive since we first started writing each other. I missed Angry Remus. He's much better than Reasonable Remus and Trying to Pity Me Remus.

What's wrong with me: According to a Muggle healer who studies the mind (my mum's obsessed with Muggle things), I have, "narcissistic tendencies and possible antisocial personality disorder, combined with a disregard for consequences and for the feelings of others, with few exceptions." Hits the nail on the head, doesn't it? I'm selfish, I'm not governed by the rules of polite society, and I'm not afraid to hurt feelings. In fact, I don't care much about feelings at all, if that man is right. With few exceptions. I always wondered what that meant. Does that mean that there are a few consequences and feelings I care about, or a few others? Either way, you've got me figured. I am, at least to some extent, mentally ill, but I know exactly who I am and what I'm doing to people, so it's not exactly illness. But, I don't agree with the doctor's diagnosis. I think I feel as much as any other person. I'm just better at hiding it, and I'm less sensitive about things. That's just my take.

Why I keep hanging around: Remus, I told you once that I liked being treated like a person, and that was the truth. Blokes treat me like I'm there to fulfill their desires, and that's all I'm good for. Adults treat me like a princess because they don't want to get on the wrong side of my father. Even Finnegan treats me like a means to an end. Then, you came in, reprimanding me for my behavior, trying to clean up my act. You called me out on the things I do to people. For once, I was actually held to the usual standards of society. There is something that's both irritating and very appealing about you, Lupin. Plus, despite what you say, you're not sick of me, not at all. You need a little more anarchy in your life. Don't worry; I haven't really fallen for you after all this time or anything. Gag me. But, I actually do place some stock in your opinion, which is very rare.

My lack of fondness for people: That's a lie. I'm fond of my brother, Edgar. I'm fond of Finn, to a certain extent. I'm fond of my parents. I do not lack fondness. I'm not heartless, whatever you may think after my behavior this year. I simply can't resist a good experiment, even at the expense of others.

Why you should help me: Since blackmail apparently isn't going to work this time, I don't know. I honestly don't know.

The only good reason I can think of is that I didn't actually do it.

Best Regards,

Amelia Bones

* * *

Later, 3/29, Charms class

What if I was thinking of doing something stupid? - RL

_I'd say that's very out of character, Moony. What is it? - SB_

Something...bad. Something you and Prongs would kill me for. But, something that might be worth it. 

_I'm still not understanding. Do you want to stop dancing around it and get to the point?_

What if Mia Bones wasn't guilty?

_There's no way. She was caught with the poison that was used on Diana Rivers and Sam Price. you read Zam's report, right?_

Yeah, but isn't there a shot that it was someone else? 

_Moony, you're a genius. You should be able to comprehend the facts. She's guilty, 110 percent, absolutely no question about it._

I know it's mad, but I honestly think she might not be. She sent me this letter, and even though it could be typical Mia BS, it just seemed...more sincere.

_Damn, she's really got her claws in you, doesn't she? She broke your heart, she's been nothing but a pain in the arse, and now she's got you as her defense attorney. Love makes us fools, doesn't it?_

I don't love her.

_Really? Then why do you let her do this to you? Why does she get to make you her fucking slave? _

I don't like Amelia Bones, but I do think ruining the rest of her life is cruel. What she did to me is something that will go away, something that's already become less significant. Locking someone up in Azkaban is far harsher, and I want to make sure she's guilty before we throw her behind bars.

_You're full of it._

And you aren't? If we're discussing how love makes us fools, what happened with Zamira Knight? You blew up on her for a minor lie, something that's barely anything compared to some you've told. Everyone else just thinks it's Sirius Black being his erratic, combative self, but I have a different theory. You were SCARED. You had actually fallen for a girl, and you thought you might take the next step and be in a relationship, and that scared the shit out of you. So, you looked for an excuse. You tried to find anything to justify slowing the tempo, because you weren't ready to face the fact that there might actually be someone in this universe besides Sirius Black that you have feelings for. And I'm the one who's full of it?

_That's not true. I was angry about that._

Bullshit. Just do me a favor, Padfoot: Don't string her along. I know how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you, and while I think she can handle herself, I think you're a weak spot. Find that legendary courage and be a man about it. Tell her how you feel about her or let her go. You've spent almost five months in what any sane person would call a relationship. Your time's about up. Are you serious about her?

_That's not your business, and you're getting off topic. The point is that you shouldn't be helping Mia Bones. Maybe there's a miniscule chance that she's not guilty, but it's not worth it. She's never done anything that could justify it. Let her father get her out of it. You should just focus on April Fool's._

Yeah, I guess so. When are we doing the last bit?

_Prongs said it had to be the night before. _

I'll make sure I'm ready, then. I have to take notes now. This might be on the exam. But, Padfoot...consider what I said, alright?

_You're right, we should take notes now. Bye, Moony._

* * *

3/30

Mia,

I'm not going to help you. It's not that I'm convinced you're guilty; I don't think you'd be denying it if you were. After all, your father could save you from Azkaban if you were really desperate. However, you, innocent or guilty, are not to be trusted. You have a million back-up plans, and I'm still not convinced that you don't have something up your sleeve that will get you out of this. You're still the Mia Bones that managed to fool me for four months, and I can't think that that person is really out of ideas.

-Remus

* * *

Later, 3/30

Remus,

Oh, I'm not out of ideas. But, the ideas I have, even though they would work, would hurt a lot of people. For example, I could force your hand, Lupin. I know things about you and your friends. I could make this their problem, too. But, I've decided not to do that, because I'm not in the business of making enemies. The heartbreak business? That grudge lasts months, maybe longer if you're particularly sentimental. The grudge of blackmailing you and using your friends? I think that would last a lot longer. You mentioned my dad a lot, too. There's a reason I'm not calling in my father. He's the head of the Law Enforcement department. My family has a history with the Ministry and in fighting the dark arts. My brother, Edgar, joined the Order of the Phoenix the second he was out of school. None of them know about this yet. Dumbledore has said that he won't contact them until after the trial, and that he won't release the story to the Prophet. My father, my entire family, they would be horrified, thinking I'm some kind of murderess. That's why I wanted student courts, not for some scheme to get out of going to Azkaban. Can you imagine having to be tried by your own father for a crime that he so desperately wants to believe you didn't commit? I couldn't put my father through that.

See? I'm not heartless.

I'm saddened by your rejection, but not surprised. If you change your mind and decide you want to play lawyer, you know where to find me.

-Mia

* * *

**3/31, Spellotaped to the dormitory door**

** Dear Lily,**

** Well, even though I'm not pleased that you dragged the Marauders' names through the mud with this one, I enjoyed Mystery Girl's commemoration of my birthday. The frozen yogurt was a nice touch. Did you Gemino the machine? I can't imagine all the yogurt coming from that thing. **

** I have not lost my marbles, Evans. That's a terrible thing to say. As a matter of fact, I'm holding your long-lost Unbirthday present in my right hand at this very moment. I'll get it to you on our date after I win.**

** Remus's scars are something only he can tell you about. The only thing I'll say is they didn't come from a spell. **

** I suppose Professor McGonagall wouldn't be a horrible comparison. After all, she was married...at least, I think so. So, she's not a saint. I still think you're more fun, though. Can you see McGonagall painting her signature on the wall in hot pink? If you can, I think you should have your head examined. You're hallucinating, Evans.**

** So, we have to settle this: Who gets the first prank on April Fools? The most fair way to do it seems to be having one person go on the 1st and one on the 2nd. The 1st gets the real day, so it's more authentic, but the 2nd gets the element of surprise. There's only one fair way to settle who goes when. Call it, heads or tails?**

** Awaiting the Most Wonderful Day of the Year,**

** James**

* * *

_Later, 3/31, Spellotaped to the dormitory door_

_ Dear James,_

_ When did we start spellotaping things to our dormitory doors again? You did that after the birthday prank, and I decided to continue it with this, but why restart it? I thought you'd become paranoid about someone reading our letters._

_ Tails._

_ All My Best, _

_ Lily_

* * *

**Even later, 3/31, Spellotaped to the dormitory door**

** Dear Lily,**

** You were right. The stalkers would've gotten bored in our sea of endless inside jokes and they simply would've left by now. It's the easiest way to make sure you read something right away, after all.**

** Damn, you win. When do you want to go?**

** Regretting the Coin Flip, **

** James**

* * *

_Even later, 3/31, Spellotaped to the dormitory door_

_ Dear James,_

_ Fair enough. How do you even get up the stairs? The 6th-year dorms are fairly high up, and I doubt the slide wouldn't get you before you made it to the door. Do you have an accomplice who tapes them to the doors?_

_ I think I'll take the first slot, thanks. I prefer the sincerity of pulling my prank on the real April Fools._

_ All My Best,_

_ Lily_

* * *

**Latest, 3/31, Spellotaped to the dormitory door**

** Dear Lily,**

** Marly's a lovely girl. Did you know she likes chocolates?**

** I thought you'd say that. Oh, well. It gives us more time to prepare. It'll be so strange, though. The Marauders not pulling a prank on April Fools for the first time in all our years at Hogwarts.**

** For old times' sake, I think there's only one way I can end this letter: a detention mission.**

** Anticipating Tomorrow,**

** James**

* * *

**Detention Mission Number ? (I feel as if we've had many we haven't counted)**

** Pull off a grand April Fools prank, Mystery Girl. Merlin willing, this may be the thing that finally allows you to experience a glorious detention.**

** Reward: A happy student body, infuriated teachers, and everything an April Fools should be. The date with me is just a bonus.**

* * *

_4/1_

_ Dear James,_

_ I'm not sure if you're up yet (I'm sure the owl rapping on your window will wake you), but I just wanted to thank you for the detention note. Although I remain free, it's a nice gesture. Tell me what you think of my handiwork._

_ All My Best, _

_ Lily_

* * *

**Later, 4/1**

** Dear Lily,**

** It's hard to say if I'm impressed. Honestly, I expected more and hoped for less at the same time. You see, you're strange to me. Ordinarily, I'd hope I could say that I'd beaten you, that I undoubtedly had the better prank. But, I also had a hand in mentoring you, and I almost want you to be better than me. I'm not saying this to lead into some attempt to ask you out; I don't need it.**

** While I am, in fact, fairly impressed and it's quite grand for a first-time prank, I can say without hesitation: The Marauders are doing something better. I'm just stating the facts. We're the experts and you're an amateur, and no matter how famous you get and how big "Mystery Girl" is, experience always matters.**

** Tell me what you think of ours tomorrow. I'm going to go write something on the wall while the paint's still wet.**

** Hoping This Doesn't Offend You,**

** James**

* * *

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**4/1**_

_**Editorial: Mystery Girl Impresses With Paint Prank, Marauders Nowhere to Be Seen**_

_**by Zamira Knight, Editor-in-Chief**_

_**For the first time in my six years at Hogwarts, the Marauders did not pull off an April Fool's prank. perhaps they're simply waiting to throw us off our game, or maybe they just left the big day for the rookies this year. Either way, it was very odd to not see their trademark mischief on the only day of the year that celebrates mayhem.**_

_**But, a new face has emerged in the grand tradition of Hogwarts pranking. Mystery Girl took the reins on this year's April Fool's prank, and the school I awoke to could only be described in one word: Colorful. Every inch of the school's walls and floors were covered in all shades of paint. The paint was bewitched to stay wet, and there were paint buckets left throughout the school for throwing at others. Teachers rushed around trying to clean the walls and turn the angry portraits that had been turned to face the wall right side up again. Thrilled students made paint angels and wrote large messages to each other on the walls, some too lewd to print in this paper.**_

_**While I had a lot of fun throwing paint around and making angels (although I had less fun trying to get said paint out of my hair), I have to admit, I missed the Marauders. While Mystery Girl is a wonderful enigma, there's something to be said for tradition and the familiarity of Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail.**_

_** But, maybe there's hope for a Marauder prank: Written in small letters outside the Gryffindor Common Room in neon green paint, "Mystery Girl: Leave the pranks to the professionals." Could this mean that we may see a Marauder's prank after all? Or was this just another clever trick on the day when we're all jokers?**_

* * *

**Even later, 4/1**

** Padfoot,**

** Got all the supplies?**

** -Prongs**

* * *

_4/1_

_ Prongs,_

_ Yeah, just finished. We had a bit of trouble getting our hands on the Polyjuice; I think their stores are low. It's been three weeks since the full moon, so they're probably low on fluxweed. Either way, we got everything without being detected. You in position?_

_ -Padfoot_

* * *

**4/1**

** Padfoot, **

** I'm in position. Let the games begin.**

** -Prongs**

* * *

_4/2_

_ Dear James, _

_ Congratulations. You win. I'm not even ashamed to admit it. Your prank was brilliant. You even had me fooled for a second, and I knew there was going to be a prank. It was simply cleverer on every level, and that's what a good prank should be, shouldn't it? My pranks were best in the beginning, because they were cleverer than your detention missions. Then, they stopped being as clever, and that was my own fault. Be warned, though, I plan on kicking your arse next year. _

_ Did you set up the hat to do something specific or was it random? I got Hufflepuff._

_ So...as much as it pains me to ask, when do you want the date to be? _

_ All My Best,_

_ Lily_

* * *

_**Hogwarts Tribune**_

_**4/2**_

_**Editorial: The Marauders Are Back and Better Than Ever Before With Grand Post-April Fool's Prank**_

_**by Zamira Knight, Editor-In-Chief**_

_** Sometimes, no matter how many newcomers attempt to steal your crown, you just can't beat the original. That's certainly true of the Marauders, who returned after a long hiatus from pranking to deliver a fantastic April Fool's prank that will be talked about for years to come.**_

_** Early yesterday morning, you were probably woken up by someone in your dorm, frantically telling you to go to the Great Hall, because Dumbledore had an announcement. I, like you, didn't buy it at first, but the person was so emphatic I had to follow them. Sure enough, there was Dumbledore, standing at the front of the Great Hall with the Sorting Hat and a stool beside him. He told the gathering crowd that due to a campaign led by parents and several of the governors and in order to build school unity after the recent house wars, we were all going to be resorted. The new houses we were placed into were ours effective immediately. **_

_** So, all of us lined up in the center of the Great Hall, going up to have the hat put on our heads for the second time in our Hogwarts career. Nothing seemed out of place at this point; no teachers other than Dumbledore had come and no students questioned Dumbledore. I must admit, I felt the exact same way I did the first time I stood in line before the hat: Nervous, excited, and slightly apprehensive. Obviously, I'd be put in Ravenclaw again...right? I'd grown up a lot in the six years since I'd had that hat put on my head, but I thought that I was still a Ravenclaw after all this time.**_

_** I was one of the last to have the hat put atop my head. In my time waiting, I'd seen triumphant cheers and people on the verge of tears as they headed to their new first classes. Friends were separated or brought together, and some were euphoric about house changes, while some were unhappy with getting placed in the house they'd always been in. It was a fun sort of chaos.**_

_** Then, the moment of truth. The hat rests on my head for the second time in my life and barely hesitates a moment before shouting out, "RAVENCLAW!" It's completely embarrassing to admit, but I felt close to tears at that moment. **_

_** Then, about three people after me, McGonagall and the real Dumbledore walked in. I was extremely confused, to say the least. But, as it dawned on me, things started to make sense. The sorting thing wasn't real. The reason it had been so early was so the teachers wouldn't notice. But, when the newly sorted kids showed up to the wrong classes, the teachers started to figure out something funny was going on. Just as I had this revelation, I watched the fake Dumbledore's face shift until I was looking at James Potter, who pulled his glasses out of a pocket in his robes and grinned at the crowd. Then, all the pieces fell into place, and I realized I'd just witnessed the most fantastic Marauders prank I'd ever seen. Potter was escorted out to cheers and applause by Dumbledore and McGonagall.**_

_** The prank was brilliant in its realism. Good pranks make something unbelievable happen, but great pranks manage to fool you into believing something that appears to be true. Clearly the Marauders are masters of both, and I look forward to seeing what they bring to the table next.**_

* * *

**4/3**

** Dear Lily,**

** A compliment from Mystery Girl? That's high praise. I will agree that maybe you got a little too caught up in it all and perhaps you weren't quite as clever as in the beginning. But, I'll also say you set a high standard from the beginning, and trying to up the bar every single time couldn't have helped. Your April Fool's prank was fun, it just wasn't the sheer genius that we had. (I may be saying this because I was the one who had the idea.) **

** It wasn't obvious, Evans? It had to be random, because there's no way you're anything other than a Gryffindor.**

** A week from today on our Hogsmeade visit, April 9th. Don't want you finding a loophole. But...don't sound so miserable about it, please? It's you and me. Obviously we're going to have some fun. If we don't, you have the right never to speak to me again (although that doesn't mean I'll never speak to you). If nothing else, you're getting a present. I hope you'll remember something pleasant other than that, though.**

** Cleaning the Trophy Room,**

** James**

* * *

_**4/4**_

_** Sirius,**_

_** It's been a while, hasn't it? It's been awkward between us since you blew up on me, so I thought I might clear the air. I'm sorry for being so odd and sappy and crying at that party. No one's more embarrassed than me. I'm not all that sorry for lying. Not anymore. It's ancient history, and it shouldn't really change anything between us. It was such a minor detail. But, it has, and I'm sorry it did that. I was sorry I said it at first, but I realized later that it was part of what got us talking, and what led to us being friends, and I can't really be sorry for a lie with such a good outcome.**_

_** You remember when we used to argue over music? Gray sent me the new Pink Floyd record today. I'm really not sure what I make of them. They're certainly not the Beatles, that's for sure. Your take? By the way, would you happen to have a copy of Led Zeppelin's last album? Gray refuses to send it, because he thinks it's garbage. I think he's gone mad. All he listens to is punk now. It's not that I don't like the Ramones or the Sex Pistols, it's just not my favorite, you know? Of course, you're probably the type that worships at the punk altar.**_

_** People are finally coming back to the paper. We've almost got a full staff, which is good, because the Bones story will probably break soon and we'll need all hands on deck. Plus, I get to keep being editor! The old one's furious, but McGonagall (one of our sponsors) said that I stayed on when she left, so I get the job. The death glares that the seventh years are shooting my way barely faze me. I'm acting editor for the rest of my time at Hogwarts! I wish you'd come back, though. For all your snark and your horrible writing, it was nice to have someone around who didn't think of me as that annoying blonde girl. Well, at least not most of the time.**_

_** You think I've rambled on long enough? I've tried to fill the letter with enough content to make friendly conversation. I'm not sure what we were before that whole thing, but I'm pretty sure that's not what we are now. I'm a little sad, but pretty much okay with that. I want to be friends with you, though. That's not optional. I'm going to worm my way into your life whether you like it or not. If you want to go beyond that, just let me know.**_

_** Loads of Love,**_

_** Zam**_

* * *

_4/5_

_ Dear James,_

_ My bar was pretty high. I also came into this with a lot less (basically zero) experience than you, and that should be taken into account. I think I did pretty well, though. I may have to hang up the Mystery Girl persona for now. April Fool's was fun, but I don't want to push it too much. I have to be Head Girl next year, after all. I think I may pull off one grand last prank, then let Mystery Girl live on as a Hogwarts legend._

_ See, I've had a hard time believing I'm a Gryffindor. I'm rash and hot-headed and sometimes brave, but I don't think I'm a generally courageous person, you know? Sometimes I think I would've done better in Ravenclaw or something like that._

_ April 9th it is, then. It's not that I think it's going to be horrible, it's just...hard to wrap my head around, I guess. I never thought I'd see the day where I somewhat consensually went on a date with James Potter. Lily Evans is going on a date with James Potter. The words even look funny, see? Don't worry; I'm sure you'll be a passable date at the very least. I've been on some fairly wretched dates, so it's hard to set the bar any lower._

_ All My Best,_

_ Lily_

* * *

4/6, Charms class

Hey, Lil. - RL

_Hey, Remus! Is this about the Prefect rounds? I'm willing to trade, if you want. I know it's hard for you with your visits to Madame Pomfrey. - LE_

No, it's about something else. Thanks for the offer, though. I might take you up on it. I'll have to check my rounds schedule again.

_No problem. I feel great sympathy for anyone who has to spend that much time in the Hospital Wing. Sometimes I suspect Pomfrey's Voldemort in disguise._

I'd say it's definitely not out of the question. No, it's about Mia. I know what James, Sirius, and Peter have to say, but I'd like to hear some non-Marauders weigh in.

_Ah, so you've come to your wisest and most intuitive friend for advice?_

James really has rubbed off on you, hasn't he?

_Yes, unfortunately. He's hard to shake. So, Mia's asked you to be her lawyer or something?_

Basically. On the one hand, I owe her nothing and she's done nothing to prove herself worthy of my help. On the other, I don't believe a person who's possibly innocent should be put behind bars.

_Do you have any conclusive proof?_

No, but I don't think she'd try and deny doing it if she had. Mia's smart enough to know when she's been caught and own up to it.

_We also know she's practically a compulsive liar and a possible psychopath._

There's no proof that she's a psychopath. That's just something Sirius and James assume.

_Well, I have a mental health survey from a tour of St. Mungo's over break somewhere in my bag. Want me to find it?_

Sure. Can't hurt, I suppose.

_Okay, got it. Has Mia ever played on your sympathy or your emotions then hurt you?_

Yeah, she did. That was the start of this whole problem.

_So, you'd say Mia is emotionally manipulative?_

Extremely. She has referred to people as pawns several times.

_Has Mia every emotionally manipulated you into buying her things or meeting her needs?_

She did manipulate me into getting her locket back for her once.

_Okay, got it. We already know Mia's deceitful, so we can skip that one. Is Mia charming?_

She certainly has charisma, I'd say that about her.

_Is she proud or arrogant?_

I don't think I'd say she's proud, but I certainly wouldn't say she's humble.

_Is Mia good at covering up anger?_

I'm not sure I've ever seen her angry. She seems pretty apathetic in general.

_Does she like taking risks?_

Well, she did date Finnegan Lockwood. In general, I don't think so.

_Does she accept blame?_

She did know that she was to blame for the whole debacle between us. I wouldn't say she felt sorry.

_There's nothing definite, but the test indicates that she's definitely above average in psychopathic tendencies. _

Great, just great. So, now I have absolutely no good reason to help her.

_Why do you want to?_

Because...you know, however stupid it is, sometimes you think there's a person that can be saved out there. When you know you can't be, it's really hard to give up on someone who can, even if that person is a lying, psychopathic bitch who broke your heart. 

_Remus, it says here that psychopaths can't be treated. What if she's a lost cause?_

Well, I suppose I'd have to go on good faith that she's not, then. But, I think this new shadow on her mental health will help ease my mind a little on turning her down. I don't want to have any more history between us.

_Whatever you say. I'm glad I could help. Just be careful, okay? Whatever she is, getting tangled up in her mess is hardly a good idea._

That's why I'm not going to help. I don't need any more trouble in my life. Thanks, Lil. See you...Tuesday, right? For the meeting?

_Yep. Give me a shout if you need anything._

* * *

**4/7**

** Dear Lily,**

** Are you joking? Being Head Girl is the best reason to continue being Mystery Girl I've ever heard. NO ONE can punish you, because, hey, you're Head Girl. You've only been in this for a year. We've barely scratched the surface on what we can do here at Hogwarts. The Marauders and Mystery Girl could've been a legendary combination. We never even got to dragons. We at least need to bring in the dragons before you quit.**

** You're quite courageous, Evans. Who else would venture outside of the safety of a Prefect position and decide to risk detention everyday for pranks? Who else would trust me after years of abuse? You're a brave one, Lil. Don't doubt yourself. I hate when you do that. Everyone's got flaws. Don't think any less of yourself because of them.**

** That shows how different we are, because looking at those words makes me feel like it's my birthday and Christmas and April Fool's and a Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor all rolled into one. Do you know how long I've waited for this? Of course you do, that's how long you've been turning me down. Passable? I'm an extraordinary date. I'm also a fair kisser, but you already know that.**

** In Disbelief That In Two Days I'll Be On a Date With LILY EVANS,**

** James**

* * *

_4/8, Transfiguration Class_

_ Hello, Evans. -SB_

_Hey, Sirius. Got a message for me from James? - LE_

No_. It's still weird to see you calling him by his first name, by the way. I have to ask you about Zam. You're friends with her and you're a bird, so I figured you'd be good for this sort of thing._

_Wow. I expect this sort of thing from Remus, but definitely not from you._

_I'm certainly not making a habit of it, trust me. But, she sent me a letter and I have no fucking idea what to do about it._

_Well, I'd say writing back would be a good first step._

_I didn't come asking for wit or sarcasm, Evans. I can come up with that all on my own. No, I don't know what we are anymore. She thinks we're friends, Remus thinks we should date, and I...I have no clue, to be honest. I found it a lot easier when I just "dated" a girl for a week, snogged and possibly shagged her, then dumped her._

_You're a pig sometimes, you know that?_

_Yeah, but I'm a damn good shag._

_Oh my God, I'm going to pretend you didn't put that pathetic attempt to hit on me on paper. Back to Zam. Do you WANT to date her?_

_Well, maybe, but-_

_Sirius, do you like her?_

_Yeah._

_Do you enjoy being with her?_

_Most of the time, but she can be a right pain in the arse._

_Do you like snogging her?_

_Yeah, definitely._

_Do you want to be with her on a regular basis?_

_Yeah, although we hang out (or hung out) a fair bit as it is. _

_Then, congratulations, you're probably ready to actually date her, as opposed to whatever the hell you were doing before._

_But, isn't it easier to just keep snogging her on a friendly basis?_

_Yeah, it is, if you want to be a pussy about it. It's a lot easier to just try and hide from feelings and keep things the same. But, if you see yourself going anywhere with Zam, you'll do her and yourself a service by taking the risk and putting yourself-_

_Putting yourself where? What's with the awkward pause in writing, Evans? What's with the weird face and the running your hands through your hair?_

_Out there. Putting yourself out there. Just the great revelation that I am a big fat hypocrite._

_Oh, that's not true, Evans. You're quite thin._

_Look, just write her a letter, okay? I don't know if you're capable of actually expressing your feelings, but it would be nice if you at least asked Zam to be your girlfriend._

_I'll try, although the whole thing sounds like a lot of effort._

_It is. But, the payoff's good enough to make it worth it. If it's any consolation, I know how hard it is to realize that you maybe might be crazy about someone. But, it's not too late to tell them. _

_Gotcha. I'll keep that in mind._

_ Wait, might be crazy about someone? Would that someone be JAMES? What are you hiding, Evans?_

_ Lily Whatever Your Middle Name Is Evans, stop ignoring the wads of paper I'm throwing at your head and answer me, woman!_

* * *

_4/8_

_ Dear James,_

_ That's true, we never did get to the dragons. Perhaps the hat can't be hung up until we get there. Maybe that could be my one last grand prank? I at least need to take a break for a little while. It's exhausting, planning a prank almost every month. Now I see why the Marauders only do them a couple of times a year._

_ Thanks for that. If I can't think more of myself, you can do it for me. I think you're brave, too, but you don't need to hear that. You're James Potter, the exceptionally self-confident. In your mind, everything is in reach if you use the proper method._

_ I think it'll be better than passable. I think it'll be absolutely wonderful. I'm not going to comment on your kissing, as I don't need to inflate your overly large ego anymore._

_ All My Best,_

_ Lily_

* * *

_4/8_

_Letter to Zam - Drafts_

_[Zamira,]_

_[Zam,_

_I want to date you.]_

_[Zam,_

_We've been hanging out for a long time and I like you a lot and your hair smells good and]_

_[Zam, _

_I think we should shag sometime. You game?]_

_Screw it, this can wait another day._

* * *

4/9

Dear Miss Evans,

Please report to my office as soon as you receive this. A matter has arisen that must be discussed.

Best Wishes,

Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster

* * *

**4/9**

** Dear Lily,**

** See? I knew you'd come around. Now, I just have to keep talking you into pranks until you literally can't give it up, or we've graduated. A break's justifiable. The entire thing takes a lot of time. Part of the reason we take such lengthy breaks is because of the detentions we have to serve. I'm currently at...two months? At least until the end of school. My all-time record is four and a half (not all for one prank. We're good, not that good.)**

** Ah, not everything. For a while, I thought you were out of my reach. That may have been because I had you on a pedestal, but nevertheless. However, I do believe in the proper method, and I was able to use it with you. Now, we're friends and we're going on a date, so clearly things have paid off.**

** Oh, you know how my kissing was, Evans. The mere fact that you won't comment tells me it was pretty damn good. So, I'll pick you up at six?**

** More Excited Than I Ever Thought It Was Possible to Be,**

** James**

* * *

_Later, 4/9_

_ Dear James,_

_ Please, please, please don't be angry, alright? I promise I'm not trying to worm my way out of our date. But, I can't come tonight, I'm sorry. You see, I've been found out. They know I'm Mystery Girl. They haven't fully settled on my punishment yet, but for now...I have detention._

_ All My Best,_

_ Lily_


End file.
